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Oct 2018 · 203
Nasty words
Irate Watcher Oct 2018
He said nasty words and
I lapped them up like praise.

Don’t know what he was really saying.

I just heard things and responded
with a smile and a gaze.
Sep 2018 · 242
Vistas
Irate Watcher Sep 2018
It is always
beautiful
behind you.

Yes,
there is wisdom,
but it's endless.

Look forward.

It is also endless, and hilly.

Your knees ache to extend.

Don't worry,
the resistance
is good.

Pleasant views
will exist,
when you decide
to look back.
Sep 2018 · 3.1k
Slowtar
Irate Watcher Sep 2018
Slowtar,
the monster,
is black sludge.
He engulfs
all alive,
complaining
begrudgingly
about the ongoing
construction.
striped
cones
only
tell
us
where to go.
Sep 2018 · 691
What I want (paradox)
Irate Watcher Sep 2018
I want you to be different.
Different from the same,
but still the same
uncouth
and
artistic
person.

But with your **** together.

Is that too much to ask?

Where are the sandy blonde
documentary filmmakers in my life?
Hunky, rugged, and on the road.
A hustler on the African savannah.
Paper driven type
of my soul.
Everyone says to marry for love. Money is not important. And mostly, I agree. But if you're broke, I can't help but find you unattractive. Makes me feel like a horrible person sometimes.
Sep 2018 · 322
ALONE
Irate Watcher Sep 2018
The scent of being alone is on me.
They smell it as I walk in,
staring at me and I staring at them?
I could of have seen you tonight
at a different bar, not alone,
but that would be no fun.
The scent of indiscretion and
cheap drinks
all you can afford.
Im tired of you. Spending loose
change next door,
when there is a whole
wide world.
It's too wide
for most of us to wrap
our heads around.
Aug 2018 · 186
Sad time past
Irate Watcher Aug 2018
Everyone is sad
in their own little sad way.
Puppies cry and babies wave
goodbye, wishing the moment
hadn't passed.
Fresh and new,
always a wasting them
with drugs and *****.

No,
it's time to go
when there is no snow
and the spring
and the fall
and the summer
******* change
too fast.
Slow down he said
I want to see your face
glowing that sheer
white dewy skin
shining somehow
in the light.
Jun 2018 · 284
Beauty
Irate Watcher Jun 2018
Is it possible to appreciate beauty without wanting to conquer it.
I feel intimidated by the worthy
I'd rather kiss and forgive myself
he's not what I wanted.

Our history is a machete chopping down the thickness
agile cougars watch indignant.
as we chop down a home
we are too stupid to find comfort in.
I wrote this four years ago but feel like it still applies.
Jun 2018 · 273
Requirements
Irate Watcher Jun 2018
Ambitious
Always looking to improve
Follows through on what he says he will do
Patient and kind
Loves my body
as much as my mind
Looking for a partner in life.
(not a token, soon-to-be wife).

Serious, passionate,
but knows when to let loose.
Makes me laugh,
his personality
eager and endearing;
his humor
absurd and sarcastic.

He doesn't ask what I want to do,
but if I ask
he'll be down to do it too.
He wants me to be apart
of his friend group.
He's charismatic but grounded.
My parents and extended
would adopt him in a second.
He helps my dad in the yard.
He helps me when I'm stuck
in a broken down car.

He's cute and insanely smart.
His kisses leave me weak from the start.
He always honest and upfront,
reflective about any harm he's caused
to anyone.

He's everyone's doorman,
but no doormat.
A attentive confident.
A best friend.

He is well-read
but can see
what's missing on
the page.
He isn't afraid
of what he hasn't read
or what he doesn't know...yet.

He's not a hipster
or pretentious
but isn't against kale chips
or anything equally ridiculous.

He has a passion,
maybe two,
but isn't so absorbed
he forgets
there are other things too.
But isn't just floating either.
He has some direction;
He is looking to inspire.

He's a feminist
and not because
it's PC and cool.
He empathizes
with the issues
and is interested
in talking WITH
women about them.

He's comfortable
chilling with my friends.
Even the most
difficult people
don't bother him.

He is healthy.
Does some sort of physical
activity. Loves getting physical
with me. Is not opposed
to going down on me.
But isn't like obsessed with it.
That's just weird.

Interested in actively
deepening our
physical and emotional
relationship.

For him,
everyday is an adventure
he'd love to spend with me.

He plans at least half our dates.
He rarely complains.
Am I asking for too much? Lol. My mom told me to write down my requirements years ago and I finally did it. I like the poem form because it feel less abstract than a list of traits or qualities.
Jun 2018 · 280
What a strange dream
Irate Watcher Jun 2018
What a strange dream
I had of us
on the beach.
Gritty and grimy
you pushed me into the
sand and I loved
how I sunk so
deep into it
the waves clapping at my legs
almost halfway
the coolness in this summer
heat tickling
getting wet
and drying off so
slowly.
Jun 2018 · 286
The quiet hours
Irate Watcher Jun 2018
I want to know
what you do alone
in the quiet hours
when no one is home.

When it's just you
sitting on cold tile floors
in a dark kitchen
The fridge light
shining upon you
like heaven
casting the deepest
of shadows.

I want to know what you're doing
when the sun goes down
and your body is tired
from being upright all day.
how do you unwind?
how do you turn
from red to blue
like the charging light?

What do you eat
and do you take care
to prepare it?
Or do you throw a
frozen piece of
plastic in the microwave
and get it over with.

Are you sad?
Can you smile?
Can you preocupe yourself until
the mug and coffee again,
again, for awhile.
Jun 2018 · 282
Past it
Irate Watcher Jun 2018
Full steam ahead on life!
I'm just going to live my life,
not waiting for you to be apart of it.


I have too many things to do.


I have too many places to see,
people to meet,
people to love,
people to care for deep.

To wait for you to decide
if I'm worth your time,
if I'm convenient enough,
to meet up for drinks
or sushi
or to cook you dinner...


You rejected me.
I don't need that.


I need someone
ready.
Someone whose
decided.
Someone who just wants to.
And I want to too.

I'll be honest.
The little person in me
knew you weren't ready.
But I was looking away.
I couldn't hear her.

We were good vibes, gazing eyes,
and then nothing at all.
There's no more time
to confront it.
I'm already over it.
I'm not looking back.
It's time to move on.
I've already moved on.

No.

We can't get it back.

I'm past it.
May 2018 · 280
Body imposter
Irate Watcher May 2018
Am I so committed
to being a scribe
in my beat up denim
and faded sweatshirt?
On the fringes,
cleaning the corners
of my story,
wondering if I'll ever
get *****
in the middle
of it,
or remain relegated
to the seams.
I want so much
to be in the textiles
but I get bored
of the pattern.

Rhythm has always been
difficult for me.
Strumming the strings
so meticulously
I nail the meter,
but butcher the groove.
Or catch the groove, and
miss a beat.

I'm land-based,
but am jumping
like a dolphin
to catch
every breath.

A misanthrope,
a mirror,
a life well-lived?
May 2018 · 236
Notice
Irate Watcher May 2018
I've been in these situations
too many times
gazing at a pretty face
seemingly stunned by
a perfect beauty.
Everything I would
say in response
an attempt to alleviate
the awkwardness.
Every pose I'd
try inspired by
ones before.
I'm jaded.
I'm afraid
to move.
I don't know how to touch you
in ways you'd find stimulating.
I don't expect to be your first,
or even the best,
although I'd hope for the latter.
I just want to be a different flavor
you haven't tried before.
Not just your new girl.
Not just a blur of blonde hair
in your face.
I want to be...
bold.
I want to be
deep.
But I am timid and shallow.

I'm not disappointed.
I'm just confused
when the hands on my hips
are disembodied.
And the excitement of the thurst behind
diffuses into a dull pain in my right side.
The lip exchange...
a requirement.
Anything
to escape this display
I can't do justice.
May 2018 · 369
Alien body
Irate Watcher May 2018
You look upon
her frail worn thin
frame with worry.
Frightened by the wire
thinning, wondering
when you'll see a plump
red face flush with meat
and a comfortable roll
over her jeans again.
Mother, that's was just a phase.

I have transformed since then
requiring
fewer calories to function,
I try to explain
the shadow of an alien
lanky, pale, hyper-extended
in places fat and foreign.

Someone else's daughter
maybe, but yours? No.
The loose draping of my cloak
hiding the bony figure below? No.
Ok for a model, but for a 26-year-old soon to be bearer of children? No.
Not skinny, but slender yes. A little extra
perhaps in the chest, would be nice.
If only I had more of a *****, would prove I eat and am healthy.
But this rail thin high fashion model wannabe, can't be.
It's not healthy.
You're too skinny.
What are you doing to get so skinny?
If you aren't dieting, you're not eating.
If you aren't working out, you're sickly.
You look skinny, disapproving
she repeats and repeats and repeats,
until I start to believe,
until I count every spoonful,
I eat and eat and eat.
May 2018 · 338
Limbo
Irate Watcher May 2018
It's been two years and I still don't feel comfortable sleeping in other beds.
Our perfect polarization made
me an ice cube,
and now I'm frozen in place.
I dont regret anything...
I think we're better apart,
but am not sure
I can be better again,
or as good as we were...
Anyways.
Everything is downhill.
I can't climb up.
My skin is tight and red,
and my back hurts.
My outlook is pragmatic.
I rarely run and jump and skip.
Even though I listen to love songs
on repeat, it just doesn't happen.
How was I able to love you like lyrics?
I don't remember the expressions or
the kisses.

It hurts to look back
at the obscure, the abstract.
Everything is cloudy;
I can't see past you anymore.
I'd go back one time,
if I could but,
I'd still be going forward.

I don't really think about you often, but I
can't think about anyone else.
I'm a silent movie with no captions.
My duplicious gaze full of passion,
and yearning -
It's fake.
It's all a game, half the time
I forget I'm playing.

All I do is **** people
over, then leave.
When they tell me they love me,
I smile and nod affirmatively,
while thinking
of how it will end.
Sounds sociopathic.
I don't know what to do about it.
My heart is dead.
I didn't give it away - it just died.
May 2018 · 196
Slice of perfect
Irate Watcher May 2018
You tell yourself
and the other person
they are perfect.

You see no flaws,
where there are flaws.

You feel lifted,
and enlightened
when you're around them.

Everything is new.
Everything different.
No controlling it.

It is just happening -
like it was meant to.

They are just perfect
like they were meant,
for you.

You wait and wait
and ride the wave
knowing it should end,
eventually.
But it doesn't.

So you just keep talking
and talking about
the perfect, not so perfect,
perfect things you do
And they just keep
telling you what you
want to hear.

And you bask
in the light
of their gaze
like an estranged
puppy with a new home.
Drinking their praise praise praise
like it's water and you're ******* thirsty.
Apr 2018 · 210
There
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I follow you
to the places
that are good for me
more frequently
than I would normally.

There is where you are.
And,
I want to be there too,
admittedly,
more than I want to self improve,
but somehow that happens too.

It feels like we took
a shortcut together.
Apr 2018 · 208
The best poems
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
The best poems
you forget
as you are writing them
in a trance
barely thinking
a filter for the
words that come next.
It's almost as if
you can't even see them.
Each stroke a surprise
what sentence will
grow from this pen?
Apr 2018 · 215
No time
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I don't have time to write you a poem.
I have to leave in 20 minutes and I
CANNOT
think of something clever
to say
in that space
of time.
Apr 2018 · 2.6k
And ode to hugs
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I should cherish hugs more.
They come too frequently,
and leave too soon.
They are the farewells
of friends and lovers,
and life.
I could die any second,
and have missed
too many second hugs.
I love you
so much I don't
want to let you go
type of hugs.
Even the shallow, shy hugs
I'd miss. The nervous
quick, hard ones I should have
actually tried softer.
I say I will hug better next time,
but then I forget.
Next time arms are
around me too quickly,
or there is no next time.
The bottom of my throat
tells me there will be
more time.
When will I die without a hug?
Idk.
Better hold on to the last one
like it's my last.
Apr 2018 · 247
Pretty much a picture
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I  l i k e
             p
                l
                 a
                  y
                   a   r  
                            o
        w o r d s      u
                          n
                       d.
                          l e s s
                          t a l e n t
                p u r e
   s o l i p s a r y.
Apr 2018 · 257
State of affairs
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
Hookup culture
was raging drunk
but has since
calmed the **** down.
It's too easy.
We don't have time
to do easy things
anymore.
Apr 2018 · 235
Ant orgy
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
We woke.
Ants had invaded my kitchen.
We parted ways,
I mortified.
Then a genocide;
the queen drowned.
Her colony mourns
their loss.
Apr 2018 · 161
Soul food
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I don't know
if any of these poems
make sense.
But I'm binging.
Call it soul food.
Apr 2018 · 156
I thought
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I thought when I moved
I would end up
in a place
where the gap
underneath the door
wasn't so big.
Now the light is streaming in.
I can't sleep again.
Apr 2018 · 183
Imperfect (we all are)
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
The elephant in the room
is hiding in the corner
trying to cover up
her wrinkles.
Apr 2018 · 177
Relations?
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I don't know
if I should even try.
he will probably be boring.
she will probably
want to move in.
Apr 2018 · 176
Incel
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I don't know
if it would be inconvenient
to be held again.
Because then we would
have to text before
and after.
And I don't have time for that
right now.
Apr 2018 · 157
Solitary confinement
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
There is no one left.
I haven't been held
in months.
I need your touch.
I need someone's touch.
Apr 2018 · 143
Confession VIIII
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
You told me not to tell anyone
what happened.
Said it would hurt him too much.
What about me?

Did my feelings matter less?
Why must I be a prisoner,
silent to his crime.

Yes it was crime,
and I, not wanting to feel
victimized
kept silent,
but asked for your advice.
You told me what I wanted to hear,
which was to say nothing.

I wonder how you feel
about your words now.
I wonder if they haunt you
in your sleep.
I wonder wonder
about you and
and all your feelings
instead of wondering
about me.

How am I doing?

I wish you would ask.
Apr 2018 · 145
Confession VIII
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
He chose him
over me.
You know?
Bros over hoes

I guess

I did not know I was a **
But if I am a **,
I did not think we
were under bros.
Apr 2018 · 127
Confession VII
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
He said he loved me.
I said I didn't.
We never spoke again.
I'm pretty sure
he still hates me.
Apr 2018 · 224
Confession VI
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I let him **** me
until my stomach
was twisted in knots.
I laid on his bed naked
for the next hour,
writhing in pain.
Everyone told me
it was supposed to hurt.
Apr 2018 · 173
Confession IV
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
He slapped my *** and told
the boy it was mine.
And by "mine,"
he meant his.
Apr 2018 · 139
Confession III
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I missed him
so I slept with
my best friend.
I cried everytime
he stroked
my cheek.
He always loved me.
Apr 2018 · 143
Confession II
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
He punched the wall
and chased after me
out the door
down the stairs
outside
into the parking lot.
Yelled in agony
that I don't
appreciate
those who love me.
Apr 2018 · 152
Confession
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I let him take her.
I just laid there.
I didn't want to be
a **** block.
Mar 2018 · 176
I am
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
I am
and will always be
the little girl
who gets up early
jumps on your bed
urgently and says
wake up
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
They take me to a safe place
and wrap me in seaweed til I get there.
The dark green sun is so bright,
I'm almost suffocating.
But I'm safe, in a safe place.
I cannot be found by
those who want to hit me up.
I'm wrapped; snuffed.
Till the light dims.
I can't breathe and
and I don't know how anymore.
Mar 2018 · 287
Perserverance
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
I've walked many late night walks.
I've talked many late night talks.
I've watched the sun drop,
and the people fall.
Their struggle like mine.
Their monotony refreshingly tired.
Their chaos a sign --
entropy is alive and well.

Their pain is salve to blisters,
cracking and dry.
Their frustration, a relief.
Their stumbling words --
a little too deep.

Their patience enfolds.
Their perspiration consoles.
Their broken pieces pump a heart.
Their meandering is a straight shot.
Their ***** cleans shoes
Their malice graces you
Their cringe softens faces.
Their flooding tears wash it.
Their pride, a humility.
Their turbulence, a gliding
Their purposelessness, a divine right.
Their flounder, a vibe.
Their past, a present.
Their fans, a famous.
Their selfish, a gracious.
Their falling, a falling up.
Their pretend, a realization
Their sadness, a joy.
Their stumble, a freeform.
Their tired energy.
Their weakness, a strength.
Their plain, an eclectic.
Their dull, an electric.
Their screen, a seeing.
Their absorption, a being.
Their terror, a bravery.
Their whining, a safety.
Their fear, a fearlessness.
Their rock bottom, a peak.
Their peasant, a princess.
Their settle, a refusal.
Their stiff, a flexability.
Their tough, an ingenuity.
Their pale, an ivory.
Their hail, a haloing.
Their *****, a clean.
Their fortune, a fiend.
Their silver, a gold.
Their waste, a sold.
Their clutter, a space.
Their trouble keeping pace.
Mar 2018 · 220
Harsh
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
You loved who I once was
I'm not that girl anymore
I'm not a girl anymore
Sorry to break it you.
You can't see it can you.
She's gone.
Get over it.
Find someone new.
Mar 2018 · 161
what's beautiful
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
Jeriff designed
a turquoise and pearl
necklace for me
in 10 minutes
as brother ray's piano sang
she knows a woman's place
is right there, now,
in the background.
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
Sitting top the slide
like we owned it.
Chewing sour **** —
best friends and a guinea pig.
Nothing but pesticides
they said of our antics.
"I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired"
we droned back.
Mar 2018 · 194
Things I miss
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
Looking forward to things.
When I thought about aphrodisiacs
Rory and Logan.
Not being the same age as
people who said you're so young.
Feeling secure.
The drama of youth.
Pencil sharpeners.
Writing things down.
Wawa.
Pure physical exhaustion.
Amanda's sleepovers.
Dance dance revolution.
Chocolate chip pancakes
in the morning.
Running around barefoot
in the yard.
Everything not
a business.
Minding my own business.
Yellow cake with white icing.
Blowing out candles.
Surfing the net
to see
what there was.
Discovery in other people.
Conversation.
Risk.
Serendipity.
Process.
Foresight.
Focu­s.
Fallibility.
Being OK.
Not being Ok.
Caring if someone
was OK.
Sour ****.
Monkey bars
Running up and down
the soccer field.
Feb 2018 · 164
Said the old woman
Irate Watcher Feb 2018
Stop that

~~SNICKERING~~

you filthy children!
Feb 2018 · 205
Tarantula
Irate Watcher Feb 2018
Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
A tarantula!
Get it away from me!!!!!!
Feb 2018 · 8.0k
Transient
Irate Watcher Feb 2018
I want to be available
to the people who love me.
I want to be there
emotionally, physically, financially.
I want to be their shoulder
their crutch, their solace.
The person who does not drop anything.
I want to give the feeling
of lightness to every being walking this earth.
Every human, creature, and plant
as they grow up fast.
I want to be nutrition,
a steadfast superhuman
so unfazed, so cool-headed.

It infuriates me
that I'm not this person.
It should be so easy to give.
If I just get my **** together,
I've repeated on and off again
the last five years.
But somehow, I always manage
to waste enough time
to get there,
but late.
When I have nothing
left, a hollow person
someone gave too
many tries.

Still, the people I love
tell me I'm wise,
an angel body.
Like they must justify,
who I am,
the imposter
the transient,
always planning,
for when she can
run away again.
Feb 2018 · 210
Getting by
Irate Watcher Feb 2018
I hide away and my life is safe; no risk of wasting time.
in the dark, working late at night
it's not wasting time if you're productive right?
it's just getting by,
it's just the next try,
it's just the strength of your belief,
it's just getting in too deep,
it's just feeling alive,
it's just another coffee,
it just a sleepless night,
it's just missing your friends,
it's just forgetting your best friends
birthday, and then forgetting her
belated again.
it's just self-absorption.
it's just hot yoga at 6am.
it's just that it feels necessary,
to start and end the day
suffocated, yearning
for another next
another next
another day again next
another next another.
next another day
again next.
Feb 2018 · 205
Parade
Irate Watcher Feb 2018
Hold up the glass menagerie
what do you see?
fragile pictures,
facets of a prism,
don't it reflect so beautiful?
the girls linking tattooed sleeves?
an armed hoodie resting casually
around her small, petite?
two creme frocks
gracing emerald pastures,
a marriage?
a fantasy?
what do you see?
Feb 2018 · 400
Fast food
Irate Watcher Feb 2018
It's 11 at night at the fast food joint and the fryer is on the fritz, sounding the alarm. No one seems to notice. Employees are spread thin and customers are waiting to take orders.

A child with brown hair
               and brown eyes
               and brown skin
carries his belongings
to a nearby
                     table.

I smile at the women taking my order,
complimenting her sweatshirt.
It is black.
She forces a smile.
I order a coffee.
I'm tired.
I also, have work to do,
but back in my apartment.
She asks if I want it
iced or hot.
I tell her hot.
She says ok.
But the receipt
says iced cause
I already paid.
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