A dead, but ever alive, WhatsApp group.
With the dust of time piling over.
With time wrinkling it, but it never gets old.
After my storm we met again.
But I'd not be who I am without the storm.

What can I say?
We've changed to who we are.
Like tres, we grew up.
The unnatural and the natural, joined up
were and are

Our lives have expanded and burgeoned.
Boyfriends, girlfriends, and what not.
Jobs, studies, life's knots. They taste so sweet
if you know you are moving on
We've became what we were made for.
(really so? I'm still somewhat lost
but I know I'm found in this lostness now)

I will always keep you in my heart
as those who couldn't save me
but tried hard
away but together forever in a sense!
Lives knitted by chance!
But everything is chance in our lives

People never write poems about this
yet it exists

This unability to exist
this intricated maze of meanings and beings
this path of walls and ***** games
this emptiness that's made up
this storm

this headache
this deaf pain
this state of mind
this hell inside
that's cold to ever write
about

This is what it feels like
being unable to relax
because you got lost
in your own paths
you tried to drive home
but home slipped away
you broke home
home broke itself
but home today feels far

Heart, where are you now?
Mind, why do you do these things?
Impair my hearing
of the world

You always say we're going to places
You always say so many things
Finally it becomes nothing
but your bed

You always say you care
you always say I'm the one
but our conversations
are falling short so far

we are shallow, somewhat flat
we are drifting apart

You are afraid of transitions
but there's no reason why
although the question of kisses
always puzzles me too a lot
But I don't really mind
I want you much more than what my body does

Do you see the fear in me
and that drives you away?
What is in your mind that I cannot understand?

I don't feel any loved, we are not what we used to.
Lies and hiding, cannot be our path.
Everyone talks around.
It's obvious I'm being let down.
I don't care, but truth be told. Things have changed.

It's like a chain around my neck
keeping me still and i'm not free still
it's a yes and a no
all coming through your lips.

But...we are so different, we come from different paths.
You come from life, crowds, I come from air, fire.
I come from loneliness, not knowing who you are.
Finding truth in the strangest spot.
Struggling till death, death do us part.

But I have also witnessed the beauty
of the strange, bright night lights.
My world is psychotic, and so is (turns) my love.
Love is a threat, but it pays off.

Where do we go? Where you want to go.
I know we are not
simply names in each other's lives
to be put away

I fought monsters and myself in your name.
Have you ever done the same?
There's something deeply wrong with us
we cannot give it a name
There is something deeply true with us
we cannot give it a name

Poetry, I feel you, everywhere.
But I am lazy, lately, to write.
I would never force the love we have.
Just wait for me, like no one else will do.
You are patient. You always help.

There's something dead between us two
I killed it. Or did you? Did we?
Things are not the way they've been
Although I fought till bleed

There's something dead between us two
You're here, but I'm still ******
You're here, but the problems still knock
Is it true or do I Project again in you?
There's something dark between us
But not comforting as the night

Can I saVe it? Can you?
There's something dead between us
we better acknowledge it
before it spreads up

Twisted, confused
I could be a poet superstar...
I refuse!

Slowly kicked by OCD
But it shows me things
I could be a poet superstar
Selling books, signing them and stuff.
But I refuse, 'cuz it might **** me inside
It ***** out the poetry in me - keeping me alive
I push myself in my mind - I change my thoughts - I'm upside down
Be a superstar - lose who you really are
Let me follow my own rhythm, and I'll move,
I'll Bloom
I'm not that proactive but it's cool, I'm fine

You all would go mad if you knew what goes inside my mind!
Specially you my jail keepers, my saviors
You want to read my insides but you'll be repulsed by them

This is the price you pay
For being close - to her
A fundamental death of you
Clothed as life's substitute

But when the light comes - it never comes
His arms - I cannot react all I can
Maybe it's not my light
Where the **** is my light

I am a tangled, idle web
I want to untangle - for God's sake!
But my ropes are used to this
They find comfort and bliss
in the lack of beat
(And they build a rhythm, of the soul
A survival guide for the heart
A new generation
An old music
so everything's kept in place)
For it meant trouble, a lot of time ago
Can I go back to myself? Should I go?
This is the real web
What others put me through
I am nothing but the consequence
of what they did to me

Find an answer - real soon
Gotta move
even sooner

People don't write poems about things like this
They are not the things that really make you live
but they can be what makes you die

The pressure in my head, the doubt inside
They threaten me with insecurity
They threaten me with fickleness
Because it's not it what I'm fighting
but myself

A dream thrown to the garbage bin
Somethings I never was, will never be
My life goes through odd rivers
and I sweat the fever
the first moment I encountered it
because that's what it does
I see better in the darkness,
because every light burns brighter?
My mind operates in strange
motions

Am I sure about what I'm going to do?
I was, until you came and shot my true dreams.
You shot the meaning out of me.
But it's not your fault, hear
it wasn't you but me

What do I want from life?
All I want is to be free and keep breathing
And get away as fast as I can
But I must pass this test before
The otherness creeping under the door
to my eyes

I must do something
but what I love I cannot do -my mind binding me-
and it's the only thing I can do! -my fate showing me-
This is what I feel
is my problem now

it has crept inside my dreams
polluting me
the thought of division
won't let it win

it's a fever that wants to burgeon
a game that went too far
a feeling out of place
a kick in the stomach...
but if i accept it i let it win
and if i don't, it wins anyway

this is not how my heart behaves
something's wrong in there

I know I really don't know
why my heart beats the way it beats
but i will give my everything
to know about it

I love you, I love you
but my mind - the impostor
forces my heart to do things
he really doesn't like

I don't flow
I drown
I'd rather drown
than this way flow

When I was
unexamined
things flowed
and sparked
at irregular intervals
of time

I expected nothing
and it happened
sweet something
sweet serendipity

Every day is a fight for me
a sweet, calm, strong, ever battle
but at least I can fight it
not like now,
i am reduced to nought
there's nothing for me to talk about

the confusion is way too much
my thoughts in a foggy knot

I lose myself
when I lose you

Using people like plasters to drain the blood, the blood pouring from inside
To cover up internal holes...

examine the wound
what do you see
where does the blood come from
what made it bleed
do it over and over again

Was it real? Was it fake?
The blood comes out
But there's doubt
sometimes

sweet plasters in the night
to take away the pain
some truth in all of this,
our plasters can become LIFE

We are all plasters
sweet plasters

My fear, my fear
like a broken link

Read my body wide open like a book
Read everything I've been through
The body speaks volumes
Like it we or not
Because...was I tainted from the start?
Did I divert myself in some point of the path?
Here I am
thinking too much
Maybe I should go back
to where everything came from

Maybe I should go back
To nine years old
libido still unpoisoned so
still not cracking
still pure
and ***** like love

13 years old
Shaking on a bed under the promise of love
Shaking on my fears, but still alive
and even too heavy with life
The wounds open, scars wide
It frees energy and pain

Then got lost
in me
Got foreign to me
Now I'm back
whatever it is
But there's a memorial sleep
in my limbs

Feeling like the ugliest thing
The most broken one
All I am comes undone
I woke up fearful, but happy because of you
Of all the love I receive
And never expected to
My brain repeats sentences
Neuroticism lies ahead
My fear reduces me
to nothing

Kiss me baby
Nurse me in you

The poison saves
if you know how to handle it

Life is about the risky and the dangerous!
Life is about the deep ****
Life is about the complicated, tough things

the uncomfortable topics and motions
that give us life
fighting, not knowing where you'll end up

don't be afraid
don't be afraid
don't be afraid

life is about struggling
to touch the sun

Silenced, still
and enjoying
the time awhile

cooking in me
within
silenced I am
watch me, watch me go...

drowning in scenes, things
drowning in lacks
drowning in myself
To find with time
A little piece
of me...

Black magic - you come at my side
White magic - you live your LIFE
and I live mine
Black magic, never wins
White magic, pushes my lips
into a smile...and a peace inside

Black magic - paralyzing thoughts
White magic - LOVE

Only 5 days
of closeness
Thinking it was gonna last forever
We cannot stay long
Is it mine or your fault?
It's better this way

I have to tell myself you're not here
So close to you I feel
Something's broken, off
But
we rode on clouds of schizotypy
we put name to our demons
we did white magic at night
all by wire...
But you were by my side
not ever being alone
oh dear you warmed my heart
Like a squish! I don't know what this is
An ephemeral romance of the mind
A bound sensation to be found
Eternal...
We laughed, we lived, we cried.
Just 5 days in our lives.
Thanks.

You were my only man
The only one that ever loved me for who I am
You didn't care about none of my holes and scars
Maybe you watch them from afar

My only man, my only man
that would kiss me and touch me
anywhere we'd find
My only man, my only man
who loved me with his flesh and my bones
even through wire

My only man, he'll be missed
because no one loves like him
his love is not from this world
his love is no ordinary thing

My only man, he's gone
I kicked him out - the waves, they roar
they cannot be when you are here
they cry when you are gone

but the biggest truth of it all
nothing moves me like your love
your love is out of the common, extrasensorial
and earthy as your touch, my touch on you...
your love is not from this world

your love for me would shatter the earth
i am not that blind not to see

I am a brat
with scars
in her arms
I am a brat
Bad behavior, rebellious child
Pure danger

Misunderstood - freak show
Spoiled - not tender
But there must be something
to which I pander...

I am a brat - a dreamer in arms
I am a brat - who decides that?
I am a brat - but you loved me back
I am a brat - that's been through much
I am a brat - I know nothing at all
I learnt it all in my own

I am a brat - a child still, you never let me go far
I am a brat - a girl that catches something and still yells
more! more!

I am a brat - maybe if you love me
we'll break the spell
or you'll join me and see a bit
of my reality through me

Oh, the lack of connection!
the eternal fear!
the one minute sadness!

I feel so suppressed
People around mean stress
I thought I loved y'all
but I get on my own nerves

The weight of loneliness
crushing their shoulders!
My spell, my binding spell
My freeing, freeing spell
All over them...
They fall at my feet
and i fall for them back
in my own very way

I fell for him, when my man left me
But it is gone gone gone
His eyes are away from me in my mind
If he knew what I feel
would he run from me
that i'm so pathetic to fall
for someone i've never seen

I even see his face turn to grey
when he's away
How close did he draw me
in just 5 days
I cannot write straight
"he's so me, I cannot tell"
now he doesn't talk to me
when i've been thinking of him all day
and it drags me down, brings me down
the passing of time without him
this immobile motion of the night
it drags me down
the passing of thoughts in my brain
they get tired
I get tired too
but i am here, immobile too
clashing my world...
and now it changes, i see him again.
goodbye, strange emotion.
i hope to see you never again!

It wasn't you, at all
who saved me
but myself
and the air
the people around
the strangers I know
the adventures you'd never approve of

No it wasn't you
who saved me
who spread my wings and made me fly
You have been the aid by my side
An average feeling, neither good nor bad
And I thank you for your goodness
But you've weighed me down
My wounds have not been
dramatically altered by you...

I value your love
But it is not enough...

Because I am a boat
Sailing away
We cannot stay

We were watching Happiness
Alone in the dark
We got so hot we could
not hold it back

When under love's spell
Your rules and prisons are bent
You break your hidden doors
Discovering something lying ahead...
Moans high like heaven

When in love
you see things a different way
New senses everywhere
New realizations sent

When deeply in love
You can catch the world
And see the motions you never saw before
The colors they change
You read the signals
In a new fangled take

But I broke way too fast

Now it's a whole different day
Although love remains
And I find myself thinking
the crazy things I did

When in love
A little spice at the door
Thoughts they go crazy
while having fun...

When under love's influx
I lost touch with it
Even with myself
In favor of something else...

But oh God the good love
It's this life's true taste
All that we aim for
Unstable true happiness

But oh God the good love
It's a kiss on a long long night
It opens your eyes
Shows from you a side
you didn't know you had

Tell me where do you draw the line

He was a brave sailor, venturing into the unknown, with strength and love for the sea he had found. But the waves got too wild, too roaring, and he could not keep sailing. The sea was revolted and kicked him out, despite himself.

I have seen so much
In your arms
But I was too broken
for you to fix me inside

Back to black, the thick spacey air
Around?

You melted the icecaps
You got ventured into a strange ocean
Now the ocean cries for you
Now, sailor, you rush back home
Never trust your brain
It only twists you again and again

My sailor you were
A hint of water in a drought
sailing alone through my heart
Bringing me happiness
I could not handle well
But I am gormless, too froze....
Too stale

What is reality? The tales we tell ourselves
All the times in your bed- so real, so fake
All the love we shared
Too healthy for me to take

It happened.
We loved each other.
We tore together the walls.
How long till the next thaw?

**** my parents, **** myself
**** everything that stood in OUR WAY

A day with you
When I learn about myself
I'm not sure I can do it
'Cuz I've got feelings too, I do
And they got twisted and used
Forgot all they learnt
on the basis of some crazy stupid affair
I've been going from one place to the other
Fundamentally forgot
who I am
No matter how odd or unexplainable
I'm one of a kind
But I ignore my own mind
Sending me signals
And I jump into other's arms without warning
You say that you're broken
You're really wrong man
It's not about being torn
because that's what life is really about

You are so full of beauty...
It overwhelms me
My shining star my ***** confession
my loved one, my obsession
maybe byproduct of emptiness and confusion
What a shame for me
I should be giving a good name to the INFP.

And it's beginning to soak in my bones
And it's beginning to drain me so

A poet, a poet
that is a ******
I'll live off things
that always be

I've got an itch all over me
I've got an itch in my dreams
Making me scream
Making me feel
I use other's hands to scratch away
but there's a point that makes it halfway
but there's a part that's gone astray
Yet the itching's burning, I need some release
I need someone's kiss...
Lips come together bodies rub
Oh yeah! but...
My life's circuits have been turned off
My skin has been peeled away
And this strange itch is what remains.

I came to the city
after my long trip along the world
I learnt a lot, learnt some tricks
but I don't wish to be back at it

I've been in and out,
never the same again
Thank God!
I've filled the slots
I've came back a lot more
wise

Never the same again!
I've tasted lips I've tasted desire
I've tasted despair, I've been there
But I know more tHan I did yesterday.

The house sneaker
forever in my brain

I could not abide
But I truely loved you my dear.

He said, "I'll reboot you and revamp you, give you back yourself"
but he was looking after
himself...
He said, "you are a wonderful disaster",
but the disaster went too over the top for your head
He said, "I will never leave you like that",
and I almost fell, fell for that.
He said, "all I want is you to feel okay",
but what I require is something that can't make you stay.
You were a liar - only a better liar tHan him.
I was a dissapointment - only a more attractive one.

What do you spend roaming around Tinder?
Where all those wolves linger

I thought he loved me
but he didn't, and did I love him at all?
Much more than I had thought.

What is pulling him away from me?
I see the patterns, the visions, you are not here
"All men want is you to **** ****"
Ha! My soul, is not a currency, for you to deal with
My soul, is not a game, a pastime
it is eternal, i must sleep with it...
although thick, spacey air had to die
but I died too a little bit

And I confused love
with a fundamental loosening of the self.
a general lack of tone.
Now, if you knock again my door...
what will I do?
I am tired.
This had to be.
I quit.

Fleeing - suddenly
like a glass about to overflow
Running away - for no reason
but voices and visions
later I'll clean my mind
but the clouds make the rain
that wash my eyes

There is a shadow in the heart
Guitars in my ears
Plastic and somewhat real
The beauty of my moor, again here

I see the beauty, but am I made for this kind of beauty?
Am I a part of this world?
Something feels on and off
I saw things clear for the first time
Leyre, take your time, don't hurry up
I saw myself trying to be something else
than a back to black, hiding in my warm cocoon
"I don't want to be a living dead anymore"
But am I made to be something they are not?

I've been running away from years
or was I simply doing my thing?

And I saw it clear
but the shadows in my heart
won't let me see it clear enough
No more lies, take it slow from now on

I am a newbie to the world
trying out options
that I never thought
so this fear it's natural

Where is my mind?

I said, "I'm darkness" but I lied
I'm darkness, are you the light?
I have light inside to set free
It just takes me and only me

I said, I'm only happy when it rains and that's right
There's a hole in my heart that life cut
So deep it can't be sewed back
But let's keep on trying, let's keep on driving

I said, I'm darkness, so you get used to the concepts
The concepts in my brain...
Some of us need a fully human savior
or a whole load of them!
This ray of light in the rain, something fused with the landscape
A sweet surprise in the end of your drink
You might get away from me, it's true
If you only knew...
But this tastes sweeter, truer, than any kiss could
Or so!

Semi-ray of light, in a weird rainfall
Rain so colourful, all around me, yeah

This might be a true ray of light
for me, for us
Walking in old new shadows
in my door

Don't
leave
me
now
I need you

I hope this poem dies
I hope this poem is a lie
I hope this never comes true
I hope this poem dies

Am I under
the breath of death?
At it, at it again

Leave me a sweet taste in my mouth
Turning sour, bitter afterwards
Make me feel sure and at home
Then the big hitting - or none at all
Comes!
And that's how it comes - unseen, undone
And next thing - he's gone

I had higher, higher expectations for you
I broke what we had...
We need a resolution - what shall we find?
The runaway, you try to settle down...

Are we another story to be told
To strangers and not us?
Something that passed, nothing more than the shadow of a scar
A mark more in the gun.

He's unworthy of such an ode
But there it is, all I wrote
I don't love him - not at all
but today I got high again
on the remembrance of his love

How you pushed me against the wall
to kiss me in ways I didn't know
The story of my self-contained passion
that I didn't know, I didn't know

It was such a regression - so sweet the air around me!
The places where love breathes
My own heart's a tour through Madrid
My brain tries to work - but I can only feel it all

...if one can call what you gave "love"!
I should have seen it coming before
But I didn't, and I misread
your words and gesture,
you so well disguised!

You're an unworthy starter of riots.
No prize for you in my heart
But today in the subway, I was spawning
I nearly lose my mind (it was fun!)

Always alone, without you
Ring me like a call girl
Is that what I mean to you?
Always ready for when you want
You said losing me was hell
But the only thing you care about is yourself

There's no use in keeping alive
what it's dead now
I had higher expectations for us
tHan ******* on you all the time

I miss us, I miss us
but we aren't there
You miss me, you miss me
But I have worn myself out
I miss you, I miss you
but I have no right to

So let's move on and stop
be something else to each other
even more!
stop stalling, fighting, going nowhere and on
Because I am a sweet pill and in your arms I lost my humanity
I am the pill who got ill
I am always the pill getting ill.

Let's get away
there's something off
let's break away
let's find a way
this is not life babe!

Clear like wáter
pure like snow

Born under the same star, touched under the skies
It hurts
The hole in my heart, with scissors cut
You're moth to my flame
You'lll get burnt...
You fell for my magic, black and white it is
You're a siren song to me
I lick my sadness like an ice cream...

I need to keep knowing myself
And to accept that I don't decide in my head.
While struggling slowly towards the sea...

Going back, going forth
Not knowing at all
and knowing too much at the same time
thoughts pile, hoard my head
They hover on it, they are too thick for me to get
This fog I'm in
of realizations striking me one after the other
All fake and real, fighting for air
To breathe, for birth
One clouding the other, coming too fast
Your love...builds me, tears me apart
I got obsessed with running away - but I'm a woman in the run
A ******* the run...

We are back
but there's something off...
You are shutting my mouth with love
I am cutting my limbs with devotion

He said, "what I feel for you is real"
(The resolution knocking on the door...
My future in a fight, playing chase with me)
and it sent shivers to me
happy to talk to him
He said, so many things
He pulled me forth as he always did
I was happy to have him, but my limbs...
Ah! My heart!
Now I'm trapped in between
myself and him
myself and him
really?

First day without you
feels wrong and healed...

I battled against everything that came my way
And maybr that's life, nothing more, nothing less
I thought I'd win eventually and closed my eyes to the hurtful light
Unheard the little warning/threats of my mind
Fell in a dream, a sweet dream we could not sustain
What should I do? My wish came true

And don't get me wrong
I like what I've done
But I feel your absence and it hurts somehow
I haven't cried, I haven't shouted...
But I've fell in a kinda trance...

But oh baby Alex
What hurts the most is being away from you
Missing our frame of mind: your smile that would never make me cry
Oh it hurts this disconnection
between matters between soul and mind
between desire and reality,
between what one could be and what one really is;
between the many sides of me, screaming and fighting.

How are we going to do it?

I'm back
Is this what I wanted
all this time?
Back to black, to quietness, to the messy,
to wire and desperation, tricks of the mind
To a pool of hidden confusion
to a wall in the heart

I'm back - you're gone
But it is not you, it's me.
I went back to my hole.
The hole ran back to me.

There is a hole inside my heart
that is
missing between my legs
I will miss you everyday
the things that we shared
No more kisses, no more intimacy
but I might die if I go on, keep like this
All because of the hole in my heart
Everything I'll do, but taking that
My brain explodes, it is too much
I love you, I love you, but I'm a knot inside.

What it is I feel for you?
I'm not sure
It certainly it's not just friends
but neither means going to bed

I never thought leaving
would hurt this much
I thought I'd be free
But I'm not sure, habit pulls
And I have a habit of your lips

But I also have a habit of
night of tension
and distress
and lack of arousal
and fear of myself
And I have to end it
I saw it clear
Clearer without "us"

No more knots than the necessary ones
Now I'm back to black
But I will fight with teeth and nails
to not drown, not drown.
I saw it clear, and I can't back down.
But knowing my emotional reality
hurts the most...

Why it feels so good
to be away?
To live in a little island by the sun?
I need time off.

All I really know is
I run too much
Threw myself in the arms of life
She held me tight till I choked
That's what I looked for!
And I knew it before.

"We float"

It is a process
not a sudden coup d'etat
But at the same time
there are weeks in which your whole life lays

I
don't
know the truth

I see my future, in front of me
I got perfectly adjusted to it
Hustling here, hustling there
Will get a piece of myself...

I said, "no man - no cry"
I said, "I cannot back down"
My pen overflowed with words
Is it a statement of life or death?

I regained my words- my own
I love you, but I need my own pace
I won't ask you to follow - no one can
I want you close to me
but I cannot commit

Sleeping - it had no meaning
Running till extenuation - either!

*****, untidy, disorderly impulse
I don't remember exactly how it was
Maybe it was me, maybe not
That fever of jumping into anyone's arms

***** as the fires
***** as a lie
The final proof something's off
Or am I wrong?

*****, untidy, disorderly impulse
I read about it, and think what the ****?
It's like I was saying words not mine
Like I had been possessed, by myself
Like I had lost my compass...

I will fight, and learn, and try
about this impulse
till I see the truth
It feels so wrong, it feels so good
But now I'm back, I have a little clue.

"How about opening your mind?"
Granted.
It's like it was a prefabricated impulse, not pure.
Unlike true desire.

I cannot back down now!
Now Florence sings and it is clear to me
Things look shiny and new
But something is off, still
I cannot back down now

I got free from it
The moment I told you "this can't go on like this"
I cried like hell, but before this
I knew I could not carry that way

And yet, things might change
you might stay
"I need you to get away
while you stay", I said
But the world opened up to me
thanks to you, and without you too

You pull me, with a word
unexplainable attraction of the souls
might reciprocate with the bodies
or not
You pull me forth, and I fall
Fall from grace?
Nah, don't think so
but my insecurities were myself
not you

it's
just
one
thing
i cannot do

I cannot back down now
I cannot go back to a state
where my mind feels cloudy with life
But I know I cannot stay here
watching the time pass by

Tomorrow the tables will turn, images pile in my head
Your sweet kiss that turned sour is gone
but so is my anguish
The sky is clear tonight
So much fight, so much strife
You could not handle it and neither could I

I will miss this, but awhile
I see my uncertain future, I won't wait for that
Life never turns out the way you thought
And my life looks awake, I can hold no more
Oh you truly awakened me
I had been sleeping for too long.

Because we might get unbound
Of something that's stalling us both
And taste and see new shores
(you need it more tHan I do)
Because Amy might not be the soundtrack
And my good fortune's still there, untouched

I love you, but things they change
Let's not file a list of complaints
and keep going, going
Because oh baby I loved you so...
but my wings were getting weak and stunted
And I cannot take it.

my head spins
too much music, too many feelings
too many stories, too many thoughts
too much of everything
in my tiny room...my cell
my head spins
I'll put it to rest
so it never needs to rest again

Between two waters
I am
i don't know even how to call them
but they are there

You better flee, flee away from here!
And stay at the same time
an equilibrium you'll find
not to end up killed or killing
chase your true dreams
chase your true self

I find this is my place
I find these are my folks
I find I can make it in the city of lights
but not without you, my lovely darkness, my only light

Poems reflect and créate
their own states of mind
be aware what it is you write
it might change your life