Me? Really?
That’s the best you can do?
Why think of me when there are
Plenty of other girls out there too

They are prettier and smarter
And better in every way
And yet you say you think of me
Each minute of everyday

I’m insecure and doubtful
In everything I do
And yet you say it’s me
That’s in your head through and through

Your way too good for me
In every single way
Why stoop lower to be with me
And stick to black and grey

You could have any assortment of colours
But you choose the least of them all
I can’t be the one you want
I’ll only cause you to fall

Me? Really?
That’s the best you can do?
Out of all the colours in the world
There are plenty better for you

The tears are there
Threatening to fall
I’m choking back sobs
And reinforcing my walls

These late nights
Won’t stop bringing me down
The darkness and quiet
Seep into my mind

I can’t control my thoughts
Most of you
Others of what has been
Things we've gone through

I can’t fight the monsters
Stuck inside my soul
They slowly break me down
And turn me cold

These late nights
Will carry on happening
Because I can't find the words
To express the things I think

*these late nights are slowly killing me...

Stuck in your eyes
Trapped in the sea
Of passion, of blue
The swirling emotion
Paralyzed to the core
Unable to move
Caught in your gaze
Lit brightly with love
Twinkling in the night
As you move closer
Breathing changes
Heartbeat races
The room fades away
All that's left is you

Stupid girl
He doesn't care
Stop wishing
And dreaming
Foolish girl
No one loves you
Stop fantasizing
And believing
Because nothing
Absolutely nothing
Will ever happen

Her words sound detached
     distant, far away
     as though he is listening
     without the telephone
Her voice seems lost
     lonely, afraid
     as though she is isolated
     from the world
Her soul seems faded
     worn, ripped
     as though she's fought hard
     but never won
Her eyes looks dim
     weary, tired
     as though what she's seen
     broke her apart

Sometimes I forget
Just how lonely I am
Then I see a couple
Holding hands
Or best friends
Laughing hysterically
And I'm jolted back
To dark reality
And I remember
I am completely alone

Those eyes
            They shone like silver
                               In the pale moonlight
                                                              And still
She walked away

Her heart
           Though hopeless and weak
                             In the cold midnight
                                                             Hurt dreadfully
As she turned away

His gaze
          Burned her back
                            In the damp twilight
                                                            But still
She could not stay

His heart
          Broke into pieces
                          In the bitter dawns light
                                                           Never once more
To be whole again

I don't know how much longer
I can live in this world
A world where I can't breathe
I don't know how much longer
I can pretend I am alive
When all I am is a ghost
I don't know how much longer
I can carry on in this life
When I have faded from so much
I don't know how much longer
I can live in this world
A world where I do not seem to exist

I long to be loved
The way only
A true gentleman can
To be held
Like I am precious
And prized
I long for the touch
Of a caressing hand
The brush of gentle lips
To be told
Again and again
That I am beautiful
I long for the words
Of passion and devotion
Meant only for me
To be breathed in
As though I am
The air needed to live
I long to be dreamed of
Day and night
Every waking moment
To be the last thing
Seen at night
And the first in the morning
I long to be seen
With caring, warm eyes
Which see my bare soul
To be whispered to
In the crowds
So only I can hear
**I long
Oh, I truly long
I long to be loved

Why do I always put myself through the pain of falling for the wrong guy over and over? The one I know I can never have. I'll never be good enough, or pretty enough for them, and yet I fall anyway, and each time hurts more than the last. I cry myself to sleep wondering where I go wrong. Why do they always go for the girls who are so perfect? they never spare me a glance. I think I'll always live in a cycle of falling for the wrong guy and always be alone...

Sometimes
It's just easier to pretend
I'm okay
Than to explain why I'm not...

How do I stop the voices swirling around in my head?

I should've known
She would capture you
As you seem to
Fall in and out of love
So easily
Whereas
I'm still holding on
Still falling for
Still in love with you

I'm happy* says my smile
Couldn't be better says my eyes
I'm great says my voice
So content says my sigh

I'm tired says my heart
Can't sleep says my mind
I'm broken says my soul
I'm breaking apart and ready to resign

You do not know
How my heart aches
For all the grievances
I have caused you
You do not know
How my soul breaks
For all the sorrows
I have given you
You do not know
How my mind throbs
For all of the pain
I have bestowed on you

I can barely look at you
Without thinking back to that night
Your fingers laced through mine
A dress far too tight
Make-up on your suit
Your smell lingering near
The warmth you provided
Your slicked back hair

But before I can forget
It all comes crashing down
You were only holding me
To stop me from falling to the ground
The make-up on your back
Was from an unforeseen collision
And yes I did notice
That when we touched, you stiffened

Although every time I see you
My heart breaks again
I can't help myself from wanting
The things that cause me pain
You laughed and said "not ever"
I giggled along as well
But now I can't breathe
And this life, it hurts like hell

I don't need to make
The same mistakes
As I've already done
I don't need to go back there again
And I don't want to
Hurt you one more time
Cause I've already been there
And it killed me, it killed me

*Don't want to make the same mistakes

I may be smiling
But in reality I’m close to tears
I may be trying
But it doesn't quench my fears
The monsters don’t sleep under my bed
They sleep inside my head
And I’m too scared to say it
So I hide behind a smile

He no longer h a n g s
On her every word
And for that she is thankful
He no longer p i n e s
For her presence
And for that she marvels
He no longer w a i t s
With bated breath
And for that she is pleased
He no longer l o v e s
Her wounded soul
And for that she is grateful

I know you're out there
somewhere
Waiting for me
Just like I'm waiting for you
Maybe your around the corner
Or in full view
Just don't lose hope
Like I have begun to
Hold on for me
Hold on for us
please please please
I need you to believe
For both of us
Because I don't know
How much longer I can last

Each word she writes
Is a cry of despair
A plea, a tear
She's being held together
By the words
She writes

Each word he sings
Is a chorus of pain
An appeal, a claim
He's being bound together
By the words
He sings

They do not realise
The hidden meanings
Behind their words
All they see is lines
Scrawled on paper
All they hear is sounds
Floating in the air
They are missing
The messages
That are hidden
Deep inside
Each word

When the sun has burned out
And the stars are nothing but dust
When the world around us is gone
I will still love you

When the light has faded
And all memory has dissolved
When nothing is left
I will still love you

I will never stop loving you

Turns out
I'm not as fine
As I let you believe
I hide behind
The walls of stone
I've built high
I run from everything
My emotions
My fears
My pain
I can't seem
To handle the things
I pretend to
Turns out
I'm falling
Into despair
And I'm hiding
The truth
Behind lies..

did you ever really love me?
or was it all just a game to you?

i'm getting kinda sick of love.......

i'm sitting in the dark
afraid of what i feel
how much more can i take
i've no time to heal
the longer i'm alone
the longer i will burn
in the sorrows of my soul
do i ever learn?
i need to stop thinking
feeling or breathing
i need to build those walls
before i start falling
but maybe it's too late
the damage is already done
i've broken into pieces
the demons have won

When you jokingly said
you're already broken
You had no idea
Just how right you were
When you teasingly voiced
you're quite a mess
You really didn't know
The truth in those words

I'm so confused
And I don't know what to do
Friends to awkward
In a sentence or two

Why'd you do it?
I wish you left it alone
So we could go back to before
When it felt like home

Now I feel misplaced
In a world where I don't belong
A cat without a tail
Some lyrics without a song

Stuck in the dark
With no where to go
I think I'll stay right here
Without you and alone

summer days
                                       wishes floating away
                                                                              on the breezes that tug my hair

I need something
To stop me from feeling
So I pick up the bottle
Throw back the pills
Sharpen my razor
And prepare to drown...

I exist because of you
Not for you
I was born into this world because of you
Not for you
I am alive because of you
Not for you

My life is for no one but myself
You have no claim over me or my choices
You do not get to decide what I do, who I love, who I am
There is no piece of me that is obligated to do anything for you

I will not sit with knees shut and ankles crossed
I will not speak with a quiet voice
I will not bow to those who decide they have more power
I will not do anything just because you want me to

I will sit how I please
I will go where I want
I will take up space
I will scream and cry and make noise
You cannot stop me
You cannot force me down
You cannot make me play by your rules

Because I do not exist for you
I exist for me

I am broken
Just as you are
And I want to fix you
But how can I?
When I am just as shattered as you?
You are broken
Just as I am
And you want to fix me
But how can you?
When you are just as fractured as me?
*We are broken

disconnected
can barely feel skin
under fingertips of ice
and bones of lead
eyes that hide
under heavy lids
viewing life
through hazy focus
recollection is tricky
memories slip through
the holes of a sieve
a heartbeat felt throughout
all encompassing

I don't think you realize
That all my poetry is about you
In someway you've influenced each piece
Like part of your soul is hiding in my words

Why is it that you always come to me
When your issues are strong
And your needs are pressing
But when I need someone and go to you
You ******* off for something else
And don't try to help at all

I am braver than you think
I am stronger than I seem
Smarter than you know
And as beautiful as I allow myself to be
I have let go of the past
Embraced new horizons
And by finding my soul
I’ve come to believe a little more

Suddenly
It's not me
You're talking about
It's her
With her
Silky hair and
Soft lips and
Beautiful eyes

I was once
All you needed
Now
I am nothing more
Than a shadow
Of your past
She is your future

She stole you
From me

Every time I feel the tears
Come closer to the surface
I breathe deeply, blink quickly
And make sure they don't fall
I can't afford to show
All of this weakness
This vulnerability
That they all tell me to hide
I have to be strong, be firm
And never let them see
That inside I am dying
And slowly crumbling
Until soon there will be
*Nothing left of me