Suddenly
It's not me
You're talking about
It's her
With her
Silky hair and
Soft lips and
Beautiful eyes

I was once
All you needed
Now
I am nothing more
Than a shadow
Of your past
She is your future

She stole you
From me

You want to know why I'm always alone? Because I choose to be this way, it's easier like this. I've lived a life of ******* stuff up and hurting people, so it's easier to be alone because then I can only hurt myself. It also makes it easier to push my feelings aside and pretend I don't care. When other people get involved I tend to get to emotional and then I ruin everything. Soon people stop hanging around me and then they stop trusting me. So it's a choice. It's my choice. I choose not to get involved so people remain unhurt and protected from me.

don't touch me
not like that
soft and gentle
strokes of light
i can't bring in air
my lungs won't work
when your thumb
circles on my skin
it makes me think
of what could be

don't look at me
not like that
sparkling and bright
with subtle winks
i can't stop the blush
from spreading
cheeks red and warm
heart tight
it makes me think
with hope

don't hold me
not like that
both tight and loose
with warm hands
circling and resting
on hips and knees
heart beating faster
right out of my chest
it makes me think
of night time affairs

so just please don't
because i'm already
half way in love

I can't stop myself from loving you
I can't stop myself from feeling this way
I can't stop myself from needing you
Oh baby
I can't stop myself in anyway

few predicted a golden autumn pause
and
the return of a great irony
showed a in a life overlooked

if life longs for a charming
but
parasitic lifestyle,
unsustainable and damaging,
the planet will not mitigate the small things

growth will be put into deep freeze
to fight another day
and
a glimpse of existence will shake overnight

Break me apart
And visit my soul
Reside in the place
I dream to call home
Make yourself warm
Make me feel loved
Give me a guide
From up above
Stop the dark
From flooding in
Bring in the light
And release it within

They are just two people
Pretending to be okay
Even when they both know
The other is falling away
They talk through the tears
Try to leak the happiness in
Pretend not to notice
When the other loses their grin
They both seem to know
The problems they both face
But still wear their masks
And keep their souls locked in a case
They both know the other is falling
And still they both keep pretending
*they both know

There are days I just fade out
And life passes me by
Until suddenly I **** awake
And realise all that I've missed

You are slowly pulling me apart
There's no way to mend my broken heart
You are slowly drowning me
I think it's time for me
To fly away and be **free

I can't seem to breathe right now
Or feel any part of my soul
The tears cut like razors across my cheeks
I no longer feel like I am whole
I just don't know what to do or say
I am consumed by darkness
Waiting for the Devil to arrive
And grant me one last kiss...

With tired eyes
I reach for you
Only to be met
Not by the warmth of your face
But by harsh glass
And pixels that blur when you move

For a moment
I forgot
For a moment
I forgot
For a moment
I forgot

That you are miles away
In a different city
Living a different life
In a place I cannot reach
At least not physically
With so much space between us

I'm in love with the
                                  thought of being in love
It consumes my soul

I'm tired of watching and waiting for someone to catch the meaning behind my words. But they only see what they want to. No one sees the truth. They don't feel the pain behind every carefully crafted word I've printed on the page. No one sees the tears or the sadness I've hidden behind a smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes. They can't see past their self-consumed lives, to realize how much others are hurting. I'm hurting. I'm slowly drowning in my invisible tears. My insecurities are choking me and forcing me to fall. I can't stand this anymore.

I can feel myself hardening under your words.
I can feel the softness fading away.
Each time I hear it again.
I'm pulling myself further away.

I'm told to be patient.
I'm told to be kind.
I'm told to be understanding.
And I'm trying.

But why should I try when you don't?

I'm not here to make you feel good about yourself.
And if that's what you are looking for,
Then you are in the wrong place.
For I will live for myself and no one else.

I will not bend over and break under your will.
I will not pretend to be something I'm not.
Instead I will unapologetically be myself.
And if you aren't okay with that,

Then leave.

I've been searching my brain for the right things to say.
I am beyond furious, beyond upset and completely over not doing anything.
On one side of the world, a whole country is on fire.
On the other, cities are under water.
All over the globe we are losing thousands to climate change.
Thousands of people, thousands of animals, thousands of plants.
The only thing our earth has tried to do for us, is sustain us and this is how we repay her?
For all her kindness towards us, we have completely disrespected and hurt her.
We know there are options out there for change.
Ways to live cleaner, more sustainable lives and yet, we continue in our greedy, selfish, hurtful ways.
Ignoring those who stand up for the earth.
Ignoring the routes that will lead us to environmental freedom.
Ignoring the solutions that are ready and available for use.
We are a power hungry society.
Determined to spend our lives the easiest way possible, regardless of the effects it has.
Stop putting your heads in the ground.
Stop pretending everything is okay.
Look around you and see the truth.
Reflect upon your own lives and see where you can make a change and then do it.
Don't just think about it.
Do it.
Create action.
Create change.
At least try.
Because tomorrow could be too late.

If you don't want to hear it, then don't read it.
Don't follow me.
Don't friend me.
Don't listen to me.
But I will continue to raise my voice.
I will scream and shout until my lungs run out of air and my voice has no sound.
Then, I will scream some more.
On their own, it doesn't seem like one person can make much of a difference.
It certainly doesn't feel like it and yet, it's still worth trying.
Because although one on their own seems minuscule, every little piece helps.
We have to start somewhere and soon one may become two or three or more.
Soon change will be in the air and together we will fight for what is right.
Together we will be heard.
Together we will make a difference.

Donate.
Support.
Sign petitions.
Join protests.
Spread awareness.
Live cleaner.
Choose sustainability.
Choose the earth.
Choose yourselves.
Choose to create a life and a world safer for you to live in.

Live with intention.

When did I get so good at hiding the truth?
Has my mask finally done all that it should?
How did I get so good at lying?
And why does it hurt so much more than I thought it would?

listen
to a sunflower
as they tell you
their story

do not think upon
the facts
such as their height
their common colour
their strength

instead remember observing
van gogh
rivera
gauguin
so you may truly understand

why

my lover is a sunflower

Oh Sun, thy warmth hast been cooled by the clouds...

I want my words to matter
For people to hear and be moved
I want my actions to inspire
For people to see and approve
I want my thoughts to have meaning
For hardships and sorrows to soothe
But what I want doesn't matter
And most certainly never comes true

Run* your fingers through my soul
Take a chance to see and feel
Exactly what I'm going through
Taste the darkness, feel the *pain
Grasp my cold, cold, empty heart
Fight the monsters deep inside
Take a moment to breathe in
The miseries of my past
The sorrows of my present
And the death of my future
Take some time to stand under
The rain cloud that follows me
Feel the chill soak into your skin
And rattle amongst your bones
Take a while to really understand
Why I am *the way I am

I've been running until I can't breathe
Until my lungs are on fire
I've been moving until I can't feel my feet
Until my heart screams in surrender

I've been trying to escape
All the ghosts and ghouls that haunt me
I've been wishing to erase
All my fears and all my memories

I've been hoping to leave behind
The people I once thought I knew
I've been convincing my mind
That it's time I withdrew

*i've been running

I look out at the moon
And wonder if you're looking at it too
Do you see the stars
The way I do?
Do you just see ***** of fire
Burning billions of miles away?
Or do you see wishes and dreams
Hopes for each new day?
I look out at the moon
And wonder if you're looking at it too......

i've got no one to call home

i read so that i can pretend i don't exist

It's difficult to pretend I'm okay
When really I'm not
On the inside I'm screaming
And bleeding a lot

The tears are invisible
The pain tearing me apart
But on the outside I am smiling
Like I have a happy heart

It's so hard to act like I'm fine
To seem like it's alright
When my heart is breaking
And I've lost the will to fight

Is it bad that I look at your messages as soon as I get them?
And wait for hours for a reply?
Is it bad that my heart flutters when my phone beeps?
And my smile is always a mile wide?
Is it bad that I'm falling again for you?
Even after I said I was done?
Is it bad that I'm not over you?
And still holding on?
**is it bad?

Looking in the mirror
And thinking
oh, it's you again
Falling to the floor
In plenty of despair
you never change
The same reflection
Again and again
*always the same

even the strange tenderness in brutality
could trigger
no going back

there are whispers rolling out
"inevitable changes should be spent bitter"

now,
wrangling more crushing control
(before delirium and mortal fear set in)
gives the most frightening air

When I feel like this
I can't help but sigh
And sit by myself
Wishing one day I could fly

When I feel like this
I eat until I'm round
Mainly chocolate and sweets
And never make a sound

When I feel like this
I just want to sleep
Curl up under my blankets
And let the tears seep

When I feel like this
I can't help but sigh
And sit by myself
Wishing one day I could fly....

every time i look at you
i fall in love
all over again

I wish it was me
the one you always talk about
I wish it was me
who was always on your mind

I wish it was you
Who thought of me this way
I wish it was you
so I could finally stay