I'm afraid
That I'm shaken up
And can't see things clearly

I don’t feel myself
And my body’s out of whack

I feel like a child
Who got lost in the woods

Tripped up on the brambles
And bumped his anxious head
Uncertain where he is
Or where he should be going

I desire to be
Cradled in your love
Held and embraced
By the softness of you

Sing me your lullabies
To evaporate the clouds
Of my mind

Breathe in
Breathe out
Breathe in
Breathe out

Tomorrow awaits
And I am grateful for that

Tomorrow always awaits
With the gift
Of another chance

Tomorrow
Awaits

Your tooth came out tonight
You tongue is slipping through
The gap where once your old tooth sat
And speaking’s harder too

You placed it underneath a pillow
Now dreams can fill your head
I’ll switch the tooth for a two pound coin
That you’ll find there instead

I’ll write a note fromTooth Fairy
To say that she has been
She’ll build her house from fallen teeth
And keep them nice and clean

Realising that those who should have faith in you…
Don’t
Means, that you can liberate yourself
From the chains of mistrust and judgement
That have been wrapped around you
Through developing unshakeable faith in yourself

And then forgiving those who doubted you

After all
It is those who doubt others in their care
Who were most likely
Incorrectly doubted themselves
In their formative years

Expect
The unexpected

Life is a series of riddles
Only understood in retrospect

Plan, but do not expect
Your plan to be fulfilled
To the letter

Something greater
Will be achieved

If you continue
To the very end

The journey towards happiness
Is beset with twists and turns
Ups and downs
Highs and lows

It is a journey
Of struggles and challenge
Effort and toil

And not a destination

Remaining still and quiet
In even the most tranquil place
After a while can become hellish

Rejoicing wildly at the nearest peak
For too long
Becomes hollow

We need to move
Explore, contribute, take others with us
To change the world around us

And in doing so
We can move and change our inner world
Becoming happy
Together with others

Revealing
Gratitude
Courage
Wisdom
And
Compassion
Every day
Will transform
This age
Of suffering
Into a new reality

I met a man
With failing kidneys
He was struggling hard
To catch his breath

He expects to wait
Five years for a transplant
It’s dialysis until then
Dialysis

And I think
What if this day becomes my last?
What should I have done
Differently?

Could I have helped more?
Could I be kinder?
As kind as he was
To me?

Perhaps he is showing me
How to live
Because he knows
How to face his own death

One day
It will be a crime
To cut down trees

Trees like fireworks
Burst through the February morning air

Bare branches explode
In wild and wonderful patterns
Decorating landscapes
Hugging the earth

No two are the same

Instead they describe
Their own unique pathway
From earth to sky
Sky to earth

Holding their lives mysteriously
Each alchemises sunlight and air
Into physical matter
More miraculous
Than any human endeavour

Trees transform
The most barren terrain
Into thriving communities
Of life

We are greater for them
Weaker when they are gone

Every day
More bad news

More to fear
Propaganda

Corruption, greed, inequality, power, ego

Have we slept for centuries
And awoken to medieval tyrannies?

This world is a stage
But we know the lines too well, do we not?

I listen but I have to switch it off

If I feed my mind with tragedy after tragedy
I will shrink and die

So, you aggressors...
You merchants of war

I refuse to buy your message of mass destruction
I refuse your rush to arms
I refuse to celebrate warring with others
I refuse to slam down my borders
I refuse to sign on your dotted line
And execute your contracts for death machinery

I will build community where I can

I will open the door for you
Clap you
Smile at you
Welcome you
Make a small connection

My gift to you will not be a nuclear bomb

Tap tap tap
Drip drip drip
Slip slip slip
Drop drop drop

Rush rush rush
Trip trip trip
Hush hush hush
Flop flop flop

Flip flip flip
Bit bit bit
Flit flit flit
Scrap scrap scrap

Scrape scrape scrape
Late Late Late
Light light light
Night night night

When you’re in hell
And it seems impossible
To escape it

When you don’t know
Who to believe any more

When you are tired
Of the threats
Of an angry world

Believe in yourself
Believe

Pay no heed
To the honeyed voices
Of money chasers

Hold no court
With jealous naysayers

Trust in the flame
That burns
In the deepest layers
Of your life

After all
True joy
Only lies within

This painful road
Will turn

The fresh breeze
Of a new beginning

Awaits

The anger
Of the poor
Is being manipulated
By the cunning
Of the rich

Sly politicians
Take their chance
Tightening the
Screws
Of an ugly power

One day
In the future
The people will be free
And those who have connived
And tricked
Will be exposed

And their misdemeanours
Will be written
In the pages of history
And their evils acts
Reviled by all

And the people will wonder
How did it continue for so long
Until it was all stopped?

Truth lands
Like a hammer blow
Knocking evil
From its magpie throne

Bitter tongues wag
As tyrants fall

Truth demolishes falsehood
And reveals
The beauty of justice

Kingdoms built on falsity
Will inevitably crumble

Truth and fairness
Are the firm foundation
Of all construction

When it comes to politics
The most important thing
Is to tell the truth

There is truth to be found in all things
The old man cleaning ******* from train platforms
Steam rising from ice cold ponds at sunrise
Frost clasping the tall grasses
The orange, pink and blue of morning skies
Glittering sea channels weaving through mud flats
A father and daughter walking to the bus stop hand in hand
Magpies flying overhead, dancing and swooping
Concentric circles appearing as moorhens paddle
A brave jogger running eastwards
My daughter, sleepy, resting in bed
My wife looking at me inquisitively
My own reflection in the glass
I notice such things
And I ponder their beauty
As I try to deeply understand
The nature of things

This must be
A turning point

All that is done
Can be done differently

All that has been said
Can be spoken afresh

Things that were believed
Can be disbelieved

Things that have been learned
Can be unlearned

I
You
She
He
Can
Live
Differently

This
Is
A
Turning point

This morning I saw
A turtle dove
It flew across my path
It landed on the pavement
And then it waddled off

I wondered what it was doing
What thoughts were in its head?

'I must gather food
I must perfect my nest
I must look after my child'

I wondered as I walked
About the thoughts I possess

My family
My workplace
Society
A mess?

Would it be simpler if I were a turtle dove?

Being human means caring for everything

The sun
The sky
The earth

I am nearing the end
My final few hours
And I look back
At time

And I see death

Death of ordinary people
Children
Fathers
Mothers
Grandparents

Men
Standing
In uniforms
Hold their guns high
Waving their decorated arms
Smiling

I see
The washed up bodies
Of infants

Innocent
Like rag dolls

Cradled in the arms
Of rescue workers

I see women intimidated
Men bullish
Political agendas
Thrusting decency and courtesy
Aside

And I feel myself
Pulled downwards
By the current of inhumanity

And I worry
About myself

Alone

In some distant
Safe place
Hearts beat together
Warm

Children have no fear
And adults
Are united

There are no wars
There is no hunger
Home is home
And no one is forced away from it

There is more than enough
Food to go round

And people take pleasure
In offering to others

And the air is clean
And the water pure
And the land is filled
With the sounds of nature

And I wonder

How kind
Can one man be
In twenty
Seventeen?

The two minute silence
Revealed
Sounds of my breathing
A humming of the building
Distant birdsong

The racings of my brain were stilled
And the gentle aching of my bones became perceptible

I tasted the air
Saw its colours
And noticed
The ticking of time

I wonder what I’d notice
If I would sit silent and still
For an hour?

Glassy and still the river
Boats rest gently
Atop their reflections

The junction
Between river and air
Crystal clear and sharp

Tired faces
And bunched up shoulders
Populate my train
As two towers of smoke
Quietly rise

A pitched whine of closing doors
Makes a strange music
And a pair of sneezes
Is sent my way

Outside
Frozen water
Clings to grasses

Parallel steel lines sparkle
As smoky sky trails
Signify the industrial art
Of this landscape

Squabbling gulls
Fighting for leftovers
Pay no heed
To what I see

Two towers of smoke
On the horizon
Remind me
Of the insidious dance
Of war

I'm sorry
I’m trying to remember
My first thoughts of the day

Thoughts
That race around
My simple mind
In the uncertain hours of the morning
When I am held
Between sleep
And wakefulness

I lie in bed
Wishing I could return to sleep
To oblivion
Yet, in my dark imagination
Giant insects
Softly pull my rib cage open
To feed on my heart

When I was young
I was free
I did not worry
The way I do now
When I was young
I was free

Worry
Worry
Worry
Worry
Worry
Worry
Worry
Worry

I turn to the distractions of life
Things to do, things to do
Things that have to be done
In order to, in order to
In order to
What
In order to what?
To move?
To inspire myself?
To inspire others?

Something is happening to me

Perhaps, I am changing
As I listen to the
Strange thoughts
That visit me
In the dazed hours
Of the morning

And I let them go
Bid them farewell

I don’t know why
They come to haunt me

And so I let them come
And I lie
In my bed
With these strange new companions

Until I arise
And move

I don’t know why
I am the way I am

I don’t know the secrets
Buried in my subconscious

But slowly I am lifting
The lid
On who I am

I made a mistake
Am running late
When I thought I had it under control

But wait,
Nothing’s really under control
It’s only what’s done
Or not done
That creates order
Or disorder


Slowly surely
I try to build and re-build
But if I have to bend
Too far
I will break

Or have to change

Decide
Stay
Or go
But don’t be complicit

And regret it
Forever

I’m sure the universe has a plan
If I can just catch its waves
Someone said you need a surfboard
To navigate the swell and sway

I’m sure the universe has a plan
If I can just get myself on board
I have to grab the ropes and pull
To climb the boat and move it forth

I’m sure the universe has a plan
If I can steer my rickety ship
I’ll climb the peaks and dip the troughs
If only I can keep my grip

I’m sure the universe has a plan
To take me from this mess we’re in
I think there’s somewhere calm and lush
Away from this rushing noisy din

I’m sure the universe has a plan
If I can just hold my nerve
If I aim towards a steady course
I might find the happiness I deserve

I’m sure the universe has a plan
For us and the whole world family
If we all sail our ships so true
We might fulfil a master plan

And if every ship goes where it should
We’ll turn this troubled earth to good
And all the crap we’ve made so far
Will melt away like an aged scar

I’m sure the universe has a plan
I ought to crack on for sure
Because life goes by in the blink of an eye
And I want no regrets when I say goodbye

It’s falling apart
Because it couldn’t hold together any longer

Lies leak in time
And castles built on dishonesty
Will succumb to the tides
Of truth and justice

These times
Of exploitation
Will pass

And their perpetrators
Will be remembered
Not for the power they once wielded
But for their shame

Continue
Never give up
Change something
Change yourself
Never be defeated
No matter what
Never relent
Pray

Sometimes
I feel unsafe with you

I am reduced to being
A child by you

I become a victim
Of the bully in you

Sometimes
I feel unsafe
With you

Sometimes
I don't know what to do

I don't know what to say
Or where to go

So I run for the safety
Of a quiet place

Knowing you curse
My latest escape

My chest aches
From the weight of you

The grip and grind
Of the beast in you

By the karmic scrape
Of the venom you spew

Sometimes
I feel unsafe with you

I wish I were you
I wish you were me
Just for today

I wish I didn’t see
Grief stricken faces
In the papers

I wish we could talk and talk
And talk
To untangle the mess of the world

I wish that we could all start over
Build society once more
Put all wrongs to right

I wish I could tell
Comforting stories
To quieten all anger and hatred

I wish I could
I wish I could
I wish I could

Tall grasses grow
In a holy place
Swaying softly in dusky breezes

For some
It is over

And even the moon
Laments their loss

People have made
All of this
Happen

All of it

Everyone
Without realising
Played a part

Even those...
Especially those
Who did...
Nothing

Nothing
Nothing

Slept
Slept through their instincts

Walked in a daze
Of deluded dreams
Cosseted, closeted from the tides

But the winds will catch up
And the nothing doers
Will be rid of the numbness

And return to the battle ground again and again
And again and again

Until...
One day
Dawn breaks
Most vital
And fresh
And goodness
Will appear

So I cried this morning
And cried
And cried until
The need had passed

Years have passed
And still I cry
Still I am
Crying

What does this mean?
What is the deeper meaning?

What this means to me
Will for sure mean something different to you

All I know is that my emotions
Were rushing up inside me like
Flood Waters
Ready to overcome any obstacle
Unstoppable
Out of control
Dominant
Gushing
Until the surge had passed
And I was left
Somehow
More grounded
A little more pure
A little more
Me

And so I explore
Who I am
And who you are

You are not
Who I am

And I am not
Who you are

To whom
Do I belong?

Because I do want
To belong

To whom
Do you belong?

Is it to us?
Are you with me?
Or are you with them?

Who are they?
They who see things differently
They whose thoughts are so powerful
And terrifying
That they become somehow alien to me

I was born with us
You were born with them
If I was born with them
Would I leave them to join us?

Would I see things the way they do?
Would I believe what they believe?

Could I leave us to join them?
Could I?
Could you?

Is it really me and you?
Is it really us and them?
Are we a binary race?
Or are we just as one,
Reflecting the different truths
Of our environment?

Yes!
I have done it
Yes!
I can plan
Yes!
I'm excited
Yes!
I have won

Yes!
I express myself
Yes!
I build trust
Yes!
I change everything
Yes!
Life's begun

Yes!
I can love
Yes!
I can give
Yes!
I can hope
Yes!
I can breathe

Yes!
I will journey
Yes!
And rejoice
Yes!
I will live
With great pride
And glory

Vincent
You are deeply loved
By your mother
Sister and father
You bear your life
With quiet dignity

Vincent
You suffer in complete silence
Showing the world
Your ability
To endure

Vincent
Yours in not an easy path
Struggle and dependence
Are your constant companions
And yet you draw out love
From everyone you meet

Vincent
You unlock compassion
As quietly you watch
The world turning
In circles of energy

A curtain fell over you
Young Vincent
Shock waves and tremors
Glazing your eyes
As you lost air

You departed from consciousness
Quietly teaching
The fragility of life
On the most ordinary of days

Vincent
You took me back
Twenty years
You unlock memories
From those who have not even met you

Yours is a journey
Unlike another
Quietly
With dignity
You lead
The way

‘It’s ok to be who you are’ said the man
His voice cracked and his eyes squinted.
Snow had settled on a few rooftops and ice painted swirls on the train platform.
‘But I don’t like who I am’
‘Why not?’
‘I don’t know.  It’s this feeling that I have inside of me.  That I’m not really any good for anything.’
‘When do you get that feeling?’
‘Most of the time’
‘Most of the time?’
‘Yes’
‘That’s a lot of time spending feeling that’
‘I know’
‘Do you ever not feel that way?’
‘Sometimes’
‘And when is that?’
‘When I am distracted.  You know, when I am thinking about other things.’
‘What other things?’
‘Work, family, Brexit.’
‘Brexit!’
‘Yes, believe it or not, I am addicted to watching the news on Brexit.’
‘That’s sad’
‘Yes it is.  I guess it gives me something to feel indignant about.’
‘Do you want to feel indignant?’
‘Yes, I think I do.’
‘Why do you want to feel indignant?’
‘Because I think I have failed.’
‘What have you failed at?’
‘Life’
‘Life?’
‘Yes, living. You know life!  Being a successful person.’
‘So tell me, what’s a successful person?’
‘Someone who doesn’t have to worry about paying their mortgage.’
‘Really?  Is that what you really think?’

‘Last night, I dreamt of a party.’
‘What kind of party?’
‘A party in the garden of a big house.’
‘Whose house?’
‘I guess I owned it.’
‘So what happened.  It was my daughter’s birthday and I kept calling her E.D.’
‘E.D.?’
‘That’s right. And there was lots of food and drink and music.’
‘It sounds like a good party.’
‘It was, but it was also just a dream.’
‘That’s ok.  It’s good to have dreams and to remember them.’
‘Is it?  Who says?’
‘Me’
‘And who are you?’
‘A voice of reason.’
‘Reason?’

To whom do I pledge allegiance?
To whom do I vow?
What is my existence for?
To live I don’t know how

Today I fight my worries
My doubts and inner fears
To live and love another
And wash away their tears?

To whom do I pledge allegiance?
To whom do I vow?
What is my existence for?
To live I don’t know how

I vow to do my best
At what I do not know?
To improve the tiny things I do
Spread happiness as I go?

To whom do I pledge allegiance?
To whom do I vow?
What is my existence for?
To live I don’t know how

For what is right is oft proved wrong
Within the course of time
But as the wheel turns on and on
I seem to toe the line

To whom do I pledge allegiance?
To whom do I vow?
What is my existence for?
To live I don’t know how

Perhaps it is the simple things
The holding of the door
The phone call to a friend in need
That live for ever more

To whom do I pledge allegiance?
To whom do I vow?
What is my existence for?
To live I don’t know how

To monarch, country or to Gods
To fathers or to mothers
To gang lords wearing city suits
To nature or to lovers

To whom do I pledge allegiance?
To whom do I vow?
What is my existence for?
To live I don’t know how

Where is the soul
I knew of old?

When did you leave
What have you left behind?

Are you gone forever
Never to return?

Or are you trapped
Struggling to break free?

I feel the sun on my face
As I watch a faint moon rising

Knowing even the simplest of journeys
Can be the most arduous of affairs.

I will walk the world in my own way
Watching, as running water turns the mill stone of time

I live and breathe
In this golden hour

And realise the environment
Is directing me
To look inwards
And find freedom there

I may no more sail the seas
Or visit foreign lands
Though my mind desires it

So for now
I will remain with my heart
Homely
At home

I sit on the train
Holding my net

Hoping to catch ideas
From the ether

Something to write
Something to share

My net has holes
And so do I

A grandfather clock
Stands
Silent
Waiting to be wound
At ten to three
Ten minutes from chiming
Ten years from chiming?

A rocking horse
Bows its head
Waiting for a child
It could wait a million years

Chopped wood
Rests in a fireplace
Waiting for kindling and a spark

A trampoline stands quietly
Waiting to stretch its springs

Tiny eggs roll silently along fallopian tubes
Waiting to meet *****
Lost lost lost

I'm waiting on the line
Passing the time
Feeling fine
This day

I watch the tides
People strolling by
In grey winter time
This day

Grannies hold the hands
Of children in their prams
Whilst blackbirds pick at sand
Across the bay

Christmas cheer
May be quieter this year
As we’ll remember
All that’s passed

In the New Year
Perhaps we will be freer
Kinder than ever before?

Our hope will rise
Each new sunrise
As Spring draws ever
Nearer

One means nothing
One million
Everything
Energy grows
As each step completes
New vistas arise
The pointless becomes meaningful
And limbs grow strong
Life prolonged

Down country lanes
Along the pavements
Through muddy fields
Along sandy beaches
Over soft carpets
Along bare floor boards
Up the stairs
Over the rocks

My feet
Your feet
Step and
Swing
Pacing five thousand times
Daily

On fifty two bones
We advance
Steadily
On fifty two bones
We walk

Have I caused offense
By not wearing a poppy?

Have I upset
Keeping my money from that ***?

Am I unpatriotic
By not wearing a 'help for heroes' t shirt?

Am I un-British
For questioning if there are heroes or not?

To sign up for the forces
Requires full obedience
To follow the orders
Of commander in chief

To fight an agenda
Remotely decided
And come back dismembered
To your homeland for what?

'What do you know?
Where have you been?
What have you seen?'  
You may well ask

But I can't help wondering

Why would you go there?
What's great about weapons?
What's fair about killing?
After all, that is what's required

Daughter
Your red faced tears
Tell a story

Mother
Softly
Encourages you
Embraces you
As only she can

And for just a moment
You resist

And then I see
Your small gloved hand
Wrap around her

As you melt into the safety
Of her warmth

Perhaps
After all
It will be all right

Warrior
You fight for meaning
Live for justice
Celebrate life

Warrior
Your life is a flower
A ray of hope
Encouraging all

Warrior
You fight depression
Defeat anxiety
Banish inertia

Warrior
You bid ‘Welcome!’
To life’s true joy
And all are with you

Warrior
You battle illness
Defeating all sorrow
Extinguishing doubt

Warrior
You open the door
Bringing all peoples
Into your home

Warrior
You cure all illness
Bring peace to the world
Eliminate war

Warrior
You live for others
You are yourself
You die triumphant

To fight
For a humane goal
Makes one worthy

To play one's part
On life's great stage
Is noble

To struggle alongside others
For a greater good
Is the path to victory

Happy are those
Who dare to change their hearts

Bold are they
Who express their truth

Valiant are they
Who battle the storms of the future
Undaunted

Wash my swollen fingertips
In the salt of tender tears

Press hot sponges
Against my aching belly

Wrap my body
In softest towelling

Cleanse my lungs
With fragrant steam

Massage my rigid muscles
With oils and herbs

Apply tinctures
To heal my fractured soul

Hold my head
With your soft hands

And kiss my eyelids
To ease my mind

Haul me to my feet
And I will stand

To face the jeering crowds
And sharpening knives

Grip my collapsing knees
And I will speak daring truths

Celebrate the greatness in me
That you have never seen

And I will become a man
You can but dream of

We can always smile at one another
Even though are hears ache
We can make each other laugh
Even when times are tough
We can wish for the very best
Even though we fear the worst
Because we are
Family

Roots grow
beneath walls
Intertwining
As if
Holding hands

The barriers we build
Separate us from each other

Yet, roots pass under, fearlessly
Birds fly over naturally

For you and I
Some doors seem impenetrable
Forever closed

My roots
Pass beneath your walls

And your soul flies like a bird
Above my barriers

When we die
There is no more separation

We will be one
We are one

What are you dreaming of?

You seem so comfortable and warm
Lying curled up on my bed

What goes through your mind
When your eyes are closed
And your breathing is slow?

What is it you are dreaming of?

What will tomorrow bring for you?
What is it that you long for?
What does happiness mean to you, I wonder?

Are your dreams different from my own?
What is it you are dreaming of?

What are you supposed to be?
It’s an interesting question
It sits in front of me
Uncompromising
There’s no doubt that I am who I am
But is who I am
Who I want to be?