my pain is why im stronger

Nov 2014

crystal Lynn FullertonIrvine

goodbye

My mind is spinning it's like you're winning you got in my head so many lies you we're supposed to be my mom but you are my boogie man you took the happy life and turn them into night terrors you broke my home that hurts more than bones I hope you can still smile because I'm going for miles and miles please don't call me just leave me alone delete me out of your life delete me off your phone

because of my mom I lost my kids she called DHS told them whole bunch of lies and now I sit here alone my kids are gone they where the one reason I woke up now I do nothing but cry now I'm truly alone

#alone

Oct 2014

crystal Lynn FullertonIrvine

today was different

I started to smile today I felt safe nothing has changed just may way of thinking I feel like a new person I still see the scares and feel kinda lost but I don't feel alone like so many days in the past the pain feels like is easing the smile was kinda pleasing I just started to remember the laughs we shared the ice cream trips but now the dark sneaks in I am starting to feel lost I know what changed I opened my eyes and started to wake I then had to remember that my beautiful dream was only fake of memories past the hardest lesson I had to learn is all good things never last

Sep 2014

crystal Lynn FullertonIrvine

childhood past

I feel the sting and she throws me against the walls and counters she's mad not at me but I'm there to torment as I fall to the floor barley breathing I can hear her screaming I feel broken I can see I'm bleeding I'm too weak to run to strong to give up I dare not cry or the beating will all over begin I lay quit and hurting with death im flirting hoping that soon she will be leaving she needs her fix before my bones break like sticks I dare not move or torment and pain I can not refuse she walks out the door little sister will be home soon so I clean room by room mop the blood from the floor as she opens the door little one must not know what mom has done so another white lie is told sis has homework dinner bath then bed not another word is said kiss goodnight my fear is it was a kiss goodbye moms on her way home I wish she would leave me alone but little ones safe as long as I am the center of her hate this is my life my childhood past

I have a dark past sorry if I write about it to much but the nightmares are horrible and this is how I get rid of them so I don't have to keep reliving them

#abuse #torture

Sep 2014

crystal Lynn FullertonIrvine

heaven was needing you

Heaven was needing a hero
So the angels took you home
Heaven was needing a hero
So you had to leave me alone
Heaven was needing a hero
So the maker called your phone
But why did heaven need my hero
Why must I be alone
I still needed my hero
Now I feel like I have no home
I wish I still had my hero
Just one more call on the phone
(heaven needed my hero so the Angels never felt alone)

My grandfather took me from my mom when he found out she was abusing me mentally,physically, and selling me for her drugs he is the reason im alive he's my hero

#death #loss

— The End —