I used to be in your shoes,
leading people on
making them think they had a chance.
I leave a trail of broken hearts behind me
so maybe this is what i get.
You ripped my heart out and stole the rest.
You ruined me,
But still, I love you.

you kept me alive when all i wanted to do was die,
but now you’re the one killing me.

you told me that you’d be here
forever and always,
but that turned into a lie,
and ended in 7 months and 20 days

the night that i met you,
i slept in another’s bed.
when i saw you again,
thoughts of him disappeared.
i forgot every part of me and him.
i just wanted to hold onto you.
but you, my beautiful peach,
had no clue the ties i held.
he owns my heart,
he fuels my addiction.
even when thoughts of you consume me,
i have to run to him for my next hit.

When we first started talking,
I had no expectations.
We were just friends
and that’s how it should have stayed.
But i can’t control my heart
and it was already frayed.

I jump from obsession to obsession,
each more addicting than the last.
At first, it was an eating disorder.
Then it was cutting.
Then it was him,
the one I thought would stay.
Then it was ****,
who destroyed me more than the others.
He was the one who showed me ****,
and now he’s quitting.
But I am in love with her.
I’m infatuated.
I’m addicted.

The worst drug I’ve ever encountered,
is the one that makes everything disappear.  
It makes all your ails go away.
It makes everything seem okay.
I could survive the withdrawals of ****,
but I don’t think I can cope with the loss of you.

I keep telling myself
“Just one more hit”
“One more line”
“One more night”
But every time I see you or the ice,
my addiction is back once more
and i’m left looking
searching
begging
for a high like the one i got from both of you.

I want to say that i’m in recovery.
I want to say that I’m getting better.
I want to say that i’m over it,
over you.
But it’s just relapse after relapse.
Hit after hit.
Line after line.
Night after night.  
I’m stuck in a cycle of abuse.
But you’re not the one hurting me.
You’re not the one destroying me.
It’s the drugs
and the late nights.
And myself

I was carried away from the garden,
in the arms of a man
who stole my soul.
He first got me addicted to him,
then the ice.
He now owns
my mind
my body
my soul,
and there is no way to escape him.
I don’t yet want to escape him.

The pain I feel is much too great.
It’s a giant beast
inside my brain.
The ice I give calms it down.
But the high it feels is so short lived.
As soon as it wakes,
I’m in pain once more.
Mental shockwaves destroying my core.
The drugs numb the pain inside.
They help me want to live at night.

Let’s get high together.
Spend the rest of our lives together.
Just for one night
Be my now or never.
Life’s too short to be alone forever.
These drugs are too strong to live whenever.
Let’s overdose and take tonight together.

I want to say that I didn’t love the burn,
the one single tear falling.
I want to say that I only did it once,
but that would be a lie.
I want to say that I loved it more than you,
but you introduced me.
I loved it as much as I did you.