Yeah I get your texts
No I don’t respond
Yeah I want to tell you to go fück yourself
No I don’t forget you
But you know why?
Because I don’t want to forget you
I want to remember when you held me in your arms
I want to remember when you kissed me
I want to remember just sitting in your car with you when I should’ve been in class
I want to remember the look on your face when you laughed at my dumb jokes
Yeah I know you’re never going to be mine
No I don’t give a fück
Yeah you’re right I have fücking problems
But you know what, so do you
You say it’s creepy that I still write about you?
It’s creepy that you bother keeping tabs on me
It’s creepy that every time I do something related to you, you send me 10 texts saying I’m creepy and disturbing and that I have fücking problems
You told me to let you go, well this is how I’m dealing with my shït
By doing what I fücking do
By writing out how I feel because I have nobody to talk about it with
Because this is how I fücking deal
So yeah, 8 more fücking days
Then I never want to fücking hear from you again
8 more fücking days
Then I never have to worry about running into you and her
8 more fücking days
Then you’re gone

The clock continues even if you text me and tell me I have problems

Until I can tell her “two months isn’t long enough to get upset over” like she did to me

Until there’s only one of them

Until I’m free to speak my mind

Until I don’t have to go around in fear

Until I don’t have to avoid parts of the city

Until I can talk to my friend again

I can’t wait

I want to destroy everything from our relationship
But I can’t
There’s nothing to destroy
The only thing I have are the rings sitting behind my painting
And a series of texts from when we went to the park together
I still remember
We went to **** Creek
Named for the taste of **** in the river
I still haven’t gone back
Because I know I’ll run into the two of you
And I can’t deal with that right now
It’s been two months
I’m trying to forget you
And as tears stream down my face I wish I had something
Anything
To destroy
But I can’t, because there’s nothing to destroy

I know I said no more about him
But just this once,

I miss my back against his chest
His arms pulling me close
His head resting on mine,
Something I usually hate,
but never cared about with him,
I miss feeling his breaths
In... out... in... out...
Mine matching his
In... out... in... out...
Feeling his heartbeat
Ba-dum ba-dum
His hand resting on my chest, feeling mine
Bad-dum ba-dum
I miss the safety
The loss of time as we laid in his bed
Doing nothing more than laying there
Enjoying the warmth we shared
As he held me close
I never wanted it to end...

I was in that group chat yesterday
And I saw that you read her poem,
But do you still read mine?
Do they **** you off more?
Do they make you wish you were still with me
Do they make you think about how big a deal it was to me
That someone who I wanted to be with wanted to be with me?
Or does it make you think that I just wanted to know what it was like to be loved?

I don’t know why you chose me
But my guess is,
I was just another person
Another time marker
Another notch on the bedpost

I’m sorry for the lie I told you
That it was fine you started dating
But you have to realize how weird it is
How much it hurt
The proposal more than the aftermath
It was my ex best friend,
Someone who told me all the reasons not to be with you
Then said I told you so when you broke up with me,
Who took your hand next
I told you not to contact me
I even deleted your number
I even blocked you both online
But regardless
I find myself wondering why
What was I to you?

I find myself wondering
What are you thinking right now?

I never understood until now
What it was like to be with someone
Everyone would ask me advice
I’d tell them
I have the outsider’s perspective on relationships
I give them advice anyways
Then they ask how I never had a partner
I say a quote
“I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess.”
I had it though
However messed up he was
He was still my first

Even he asked me
How have you never been in a relationship
You are too **** cute
You are too **** ****
You are too **** everything for you to be single
I told him people only see me as a nerd
People don’t see me as me
He said he saw me
Then he broke up with me
He became a surface watcher
Only seeing me as a nerd

I never understood until now
What it’s like to be broken up with
To have your heart shattered
To have your ex best friend
Become his new “*** toy”
She told me everything
Every reason not to be with him
She told me that she was happy
That she didn’t want to leave a man who loved her
He was head over heels in love with her
She eviscerated him
Now he’s a shell of his former self

I never understood until now
The pain of your friend betraying you
As she betrayed me

Now my Ex-Boyfriend,
I will reveal his name
It is *****, ****, ******* ,
Dates my Ex-Best Friend,
I’ll reveal her’s as well
It is *****,
My ex boyfriend is now dating
His ex boyfriend’s ex friend
My ex boyfriend is now dating
His ex friend’s ex girlfriend
They broke up a group to be together
They broke up the group
Something ******* tried to pin in Karol

We enforced a single rule
No dating friends
We enforced it for the wrong person
We now see
***** is trying to **** all his friends
One by one destroying bonds
One by one cutting them out
One by one treating them like dirt

In the past 30 days
He has broken up with four people
All of them got cut out
Two crawled their way back
One because he had the ****
The other because she confronted him
Two are still cut out

I gave ***** a reputation
I told Elizabeth about all of this
She spread it like fire through a field

I never understood until now
How good it felt to be this petty
Only to those who deserve it

***** says I spread lies
Rumors about her cheating
I never did
I told people the truth
I told them how ******* broke up with me
Two days later ***** broke up with Damon
Three days later
I get a text
Do you mind if we start dating?

He said he rushed into things with me
A week had passed between Anthony
And when I confessed how I felt
Another two days of decision
Then he said he rushed into things
We had been broken up for four days
Then they started dating
That sounds like rushing to me

Everyone agrees they’re gross
I was on the bus
Describing the situation to a friend
A random person
Stands and completely sympathetic says
“Your ex boyfriend sounds like a real *******
You should cut him out”
Total strangers understand
But not you

Hope you enjoy your
STD infected
**
*******
Cheating
Boy toy
Just make sure that his condoms didn’t expire
Like the one he threw at me had

Hope you enjoy your
Evil
Rude
*****
*****
*** toy
Just make sure she doesn’t get bored
Like she did with everyone else

I never understood until now
What it was like to be used
He used me as a ******,
As if he used any,
Waiting for me to give him what he wanted
Then tossing me aside

I never understood until now
The pain that some people endure