Check your mail in a week
You should find a letter
One that tells you everything
Both of you should sit down
And read them
Dissect every word
Read the hate
Read the pain
That will be my last contact to both of you
So savor it
Realize what you left behind
When you started dating

I snapped you today
I didn’t think that would happen
I said congratulations
I miss you
I hope to see you rule the world one day
You said you hoped to have someone like me by your side
You apologized for dumping me
For not answering my questions
For treating me horribly after
I know you don’t owe me anything
But do me one thing
Please, never change from the man I fell for

I’ll say it
I miss him
I miss the way he held me
Close to his chest
I could hear his heart beat
Ba-dum Ba-dum Ba-dum
I thought they were drums of love
I felt safe when he held me
And stroked my arm
I felt like time stood still
I miss his lips
So soft
So firm
I miss his tongue
As it wrestled it’s way into my mouth
I miss his smile
His mischievous look
As we gazed into eachother’s eyes
At the end of every kiss
I would give everything
To be with him for one more day

I hear it’s necessary to move on
But it’s tough to close all my feelings
When I get reminded of you
Like the rings I took from your nightstand
Small, plastic, don’t fit my fingers
But they’re from our first kiss
My first kiss
They sat there on my desk
Silently asking why
Why did we break up?
You said that we rushed into things
You said that you mixed feelings
Of attraction and friendship
That you holding me in your arms
Kissing me
Telling me that you care for me
That it all felt wrong
You didn’t even say this to my face
I read it on a screen
In between a snap from Alice
Saying that she’s bored
And a snap from Alexia
Asking me to help patch your friendship
Which you broke off when we started us
And started back when we ended
Meaning that you were straying from her
Because you had feelings for her
And kept them from me
To keep me from being jealous

I found out on Snapchat
I started crying now that I’m writing this
The first time I’ve shed a tear since
Because I couldn’t get closure
From a snap
You could have at least called me
Let me hear your voice
Ask you why this was happening
I could’ve asked to keep our friendship
I could have cried these tears
Rather than bawl now
Sitting on my phone
On a chair in my room while Dark Souls plays in my computer monitor
Crying now because I couldn’t before

My parents didn’t know about us
I can’t talk to them about it now
Especially when I start to choke when I see you
I could have had closure
From talking to you rather than
Writing another ******* poem
This isn’t even helping
I can’t call you though
Without seeming desperate
Without seeming like I need you in my life
For this I hate you
But the hate isn’t giving me the closure I need

Thank you
For all those who know
Who stepped foreword
Who are trying to comfort me
Thank you

It’s so fresh in my mind though
I haven’t had time to think
To comprehend
To wallow in my self pity

Sixth period
I sat there
In front of a pig
It’s stomach open
And on view for the world to see
My phone buzzes
It’s him
I pull off those blue surgical gloves
Whip out my phone
Wait for the dot dot dot
to turn into actual words
They turn all right
They speak that you don’t feel right
That you may have rushed into this
That maybe you mixed friendship
And attraction
You take responsibility for it
But that doesn’t dull the pain
I suddenly feel as though the pig
Is better than I am
With its guts exposed and all
I want to cry
But I try to keep it together
I grab the knife
Start cutting into the guts
Tears welling in my eyes as I try to keep strong
I wanted to cry
I just leave after that
It doesn’t matter that I had class
It doesn’t matter that I had friends waiting
I just leave
I go home to wallow
To think
To cry the bitter tears that push up against my eyes
I hoped that this was all a dream

You all warned me
And I ignored you
I told myself that we wouldn’t break up
I told myself that we had a relationship
Stronger than his last one
Which crumbled like mine did today
You told me he’d use me
And toss me aside like a human ******
I feel stupid for not heeding the words you spoke
I was naïve to think that we could last
The three months he had left here

You all are here for me
And I love you all
When I’m ready to shed these bitter salty tears
I know you’ll be here to dry my cheeks
And hold me in your collective arms
The way he did last week

I thought he could put me back together
But he only stole the pieces
I hope I can get them back

So...
I guess we broke up
Pain strikes
Sharp as a knife
It’s true what they say
Your first relationship
Hurts the most

You held me
We laid in your bed
The tv played in the background
I rested my head on your shoulder
Your lips inched closer to my cheek
I raised mine to meet yours
We sat there
You held me
like nothing had happened
But it had