I want to feel in love again,
I want the comfort of it all.
I want to rest my head in the lap
of a new man
and smile, happy that the first
was not the last.

and yeah, we won the war but we lost everything else

Sometimes your heart needs to be broken
So you can see what's underneath,
To the flicker and flame of your soul
That you've always been destined to meet.

Sometimes your spirit shines brighter
Through the glimmering light of your tears,
And when you arrive at the end of it all
Love will outshine the darkest of years

there are horror films
where my heart
should be.

there's a slam of a front door
that sends a signal to my lungs
to tell them that they need nicotine
and another to the dry throat that
says it's time for a cup of coffee

i conduct a symphony of
slowly getting out of bed

taking the first sip of coffee
always reminds me of that
first kiss we shared on
new years at midnight,
i knew i would regret it

lately, the drinks i pour in
the evening feel worse than
a burnt tongue, because it
slides down my throat, into the
into the stomach, into the veins,
into the brain that usually tells me
do not think about this tonight but

i am drunk
i am obsessive
i am harmless

i have grown so exhausted of
always being the wrong kind of
brave

I want to go to sleep
I don't want to feel you right now
Not by will, not awake
Your asbsence is too real this time

I know you're not coming back
But I don't want to know
I don't want to know anything

I don't want to know
What this life is like
Without you

It should be raining
It should be midnight
It should be Winter

My skin feels too warm
The clouds look too soft
There's too much sound
There's too much movement

Cars keep passing, people keep pacing,
Specks of light stream incessantly

Everything is as it's meant to be
Nothing is as it should be

Your eyes should be open
Reflecting like shadows into mine
Your hands should be gesturing figures
As your lips bring words to life

You should be awake right now
This sentence should not be here

I should not feel such demanding heaviness when
The tsunami of your blood
That once streamed through my veins
Has left me desperate, hollow, and empty

You will never feel as I feel in this moment
I think that's for the best

Yet I pray if love is as they say it is
Wherever you may find yourself
You can still feel my heart

The way it beats for you
The way it longs for you
The way it swells up at the mention of
Your name

I want to be asleep
I need to feel you now more than ever

I will survive this oppresive melancholy
If only through temporary intervals
Only if in dreams

true pain is the kind
that is u n f i x a b l e
the kind that doesn't
come with an instruction
manual and a simple
way to make up for it
pain that never goes away
because it never can
true suffering is found
in this pain
and true strength is found
in living through it
or, rather,
learning to live
despite it.