I looked as you got out from the house
I was suddenly swayed by your manliness
So lovely and rugged in your checkered shirt
Dark beard so scruffy and muscles so rippling.

You slowly walked towards me like a panther
The birds suddenly sang ting a ling a ling ding ****
You slowly stretched your arms and whispered
Huh? But I cannot hear what you say, what is it?

Are you going to **** me at this very moment?
With just your looks you can but I beg you don’t!
You sized me up and down and I was scared but then
Thank goodness you are simply a Lumbersexual.

You opened the zipper of your worn-out jeans
Ooohh! What a huge “hatchet” you have there
You poured everything and I accepted silently
I cannot complain nor retreat for I am just a tree!