"you know, the past
should be kept in the past."

there's a thunderstorm in the window behind me and I've been checking in on some people I used to know; would you call them friends or lovers, I don't know. my fingers can't type as fast as my mind works; or doesn't; do you know what it's like to get shot in the head? there aren't any tears; you're not a debby downer, you're the life of the party; you're smiling and cracking jokes but inside you wish you were dead; you shoot deer but you think about turning that gun around and shooting yourself; gunshots can't be as loud as your mind; to disrupt the neighbourhood would be the least of your selfish concerns; would anyone remember you if you died?; has anyone noticed you left or have they all just moved on without you?; old habits die hard and you just want to feel something, I just want to feel something; who are we?; no one but strangers who once kissed so hard their lips bled; oh how raw and passionate; i can't seem to be able to distinguish the difference between pain, pleasure and passion; but in my dreams I feel more alive than when I'm awake; when can I crawl into bed next?; I don't want to sleep, you are too far but you are too close; perhaps this was all an impulsive mistake, don't you worry about the inbetweens and the afters; worry about now and yesterday; I am forever haunted by my past; your karma follows you and so do I; don't you dare point that gun in my direction again; I'd rather be set on fire; douse me in gasoline in our bed; turn everything you loved into ashes; I will survive because you never really loved me; everyone is moving on and like the sun I am staying still; revolve around me but don't get too close; you can't even look at me without going blind; the sun is not as beautiful as we romanticize her to be; thunder so loud it shakes your room; you shake me to the core; the lightning will strike again; do you know what it feels like to be shot in the head?