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 Nov 7
is the joy of life felt within our first breath?
why do some grow to see the joy of ****?
every day. the last day is put to the test
some find less, is their "happy at best"

this quest has left many a man depressed
press reset at the hater's behest
at rest in our full metal jacket vest
blessed in all the ways we have messed

fulfillment kills when finally at ease
beautiful thing. must i say please?
regrets full of life, lived on our knees
who will be left to pollinate bees?


saving all questions for the grave
tells me that my death will be saved
coals made by fires we stave
hey man! i ain't gonna behave!

is the joy of life felt within our first breath?
i'm looking to find the joy of death
Smiles are born naturally
Through saddest of  eyes
Expressions are often seen
In the eyes
Some are weary asking for rest
Others are simply
Begging for a request
Eyes are the window to the soul
They expose most things
Both good and bad.
Eyes are like gold
without them we couldn't be bold.
Eyes were made to be kind
Be joyful
Smiling all the time
Others are
New world order
It's on its way
Should we be worried
Then pray
Give endlessly
Blessed abundantly
Grow selfless
Don't you know
Am slipping away
My thoughts are numb
I exist
Or am I just existing
Life is a blur .
with most things blotted out
I can't  fight  my way .
Through this  with just a mask.
I need to feel human touch ..
A hand shake .a hug .a smile.
I can't survive .
without connection
I need  to connect .
Socialize for my mental state
I feel deep anguish
Feeling isolation
Cut off
I don't feel the same
God 🙏 where are you
In this awful pandemic
I need to know .
Please raise me some hope
I  am but a human being
Trapped alone in all this despair
Show me  Lord send me a sign .that it will all work out .
"Oh maw brown, awk no again."
" Now paw brown, just dae as your telt."
"But Ma brown, aye canny breath in that date mask.?
" Ask youre be the death of ma yet."
" Ask flaming cov-19 it's ruining me bleeding football game."
" I'll have less or ya lip."
"Well Ma brown am sick of Nicol Sturgeon, see just wants attention."
" Well Mr Brown shes saving ya bacon"
" What bacon thought it was sausage s for ma tea."
"Well there's nought it's been cremated."
People's implusive addiction's
Be  burdensome on our shoulders
We definitely
Don't have to take on the responsibility for carrying the can
Cant sleep I am scared God
Are you please listening Father ..
I cant stop this feeling of dread.
It overwhelms me
It takes me down
It pulls me under.
It suffocates me.
Through  this situation
Do you really care.
I feel I am drowning in my own despair.
The lies I believe
Crippling my thoughts
They are plugged into my anxiety
Wont it ever just
I feel I am sliding on a slippery *****.
On a dark road to nowhere.
When shall I begin to breathe
Will it be safe too.
Will I find my way.
I feel isolated
the world has become numb
I look around at suspicious faces.
What was
Isn't now.
We wait
For some hope
Where do we look
For that hope.
Deters our
Our ability
To understand
How we as humans
Connect with our maker
Of the  **universe
Lock down
What describes  it .
Pros & cons
Getting into lazy mode.
Not dressing
Lie in more .
Eat more unhealthy junk.
No structured  day
with little or no routine.
Feeling  helpless
No direction
No goals .

You can turn the whole thing around.
Into a positive mode.
Thinking about the things I can do.
House clear out.
Home cooking
Home baking
Art & crafts
Mister motivator
Relationships should be a two way thing.
Time .
Time .
We shouldn't have to live on our own.
What's happened to family.
Our world
Do we care .
Living alone
Is the worst possible thing
No visitors
Friends .
Animals should be treated with respect.  Not caged up in some cage and treated like a circus ready for viewing. When I look at these kittens born to be wild I think of freedom. Taken away from society. Animals and humans should be free to engage in normal activities. For example people with dementia should be involved in groups with various activities. Such as art singing etc. to stimulate the brain and connect with others in conversation. Often people live alone and don’t see a soul they are unmotivated tired bored.  
I took a bus ride down to my daughter in the other side of the town. The bus journey was long hot I felt uncomfortable I was relieved that the bus journey had finished.
Sarah was sitting perched on a bench. Looking pale sad withdrawn. Her hair was roughly wrapped up in a bandana. She wore a red long tea shirt covering her thighs.   She looked like something out of a Peter pan movie. I came to make a difference hopefully to inspire her long drawn out mood.    
Sarah smiled said hello.  And suggested to go for a chill out time at costa. we walked over and entered the  colourful surroundings  . Sarah walked up to the counter and ordered one latté and one *** of tea with some toast, butter, Raspberry jam.   Sarah slumped down onto the comfortable red seat.
“Sarah asked me, How are you.?”
“I replied, okay.”
Sarah looked deep in thought. I wondered if I might get anything interesting from her.
She ratted on about Harvey and his diabetes how he had been lying about his blood readings. CAUSING HER A LOT OF WORRY AND DISTRESS.
I don't intend to get it right all of the  time.
If I do please praise me.
Don't compare me
Am only human
I  am allowed to fail.
But when I do I can pat myself on the back.
Because I am a stronger person.
Grown in character.
and in Love.
I sigh again
siting in a chair
staring out of the window Wishing I belonged to the sea.
A ocean full. of living creatures.
all sizes.
Different species.
Then I wouldn't feel the pain
Of eating
All by myself.
I long for someone
To share this empty feeling.
Perhaps  they will. empathise
It won't leave me.
It just haunts me.
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