what benefit would there be for me to admit
to such shameful feelings
you fuel my every twist of hand
you make my poems the most refined
all my songs stem from the pain
you've inflicted to my heart
my most raw emotions and uncontrolled stem from your every action

what's the benefit in admitting something so destructive?
what's the point allowing myself to lose the one thing that keeps me breathing ?
cause how do I explain that my love for you leaves me for dead .
gasping for air ,
no more blood pumping my body
as it's core is no longer there
how do I explain my heart leaving me for dead
with  the sole purpose of running to you with it's fleeting energy left

how do I explain my heart leaving it's natural functions
committing suicide as without me it dies
for the the sole purpose of meeting your own?
like the mere presence of the one it craves is worth the worst kinds of death
the slow and heavy ones , that leads my vacant eyes to fathom the most untrue outcomes.

how do I explain that you drain me of all my being , with just one part of me being yours
Why did I fail to realise that in my chest was not where my heart lied this whole time
or that it belonging to you when you had abondonned me here to die

And it’s ugly .
All things are ugly in the end ,
Do some harbour the capacity of only seeing the good ?
The ugly is all I see in the end .

The  links that tie us are so beautiful yet so raw ,
Drowned in a color that is ours but also everyones
The links that tie us are of a deep red ,
running in our veins in a way that’s so coarse
I wonder if we’re the only ones .

The beauty we basked in before the storm removed its light ,
Still lingers in that beautiful soul of ours .
But it has  been sullied , beaten and rendered useless
By love itself , by the adoration , trust itself .

Love : what a destructive thing ,
No matter the nature , it’s way of functioning seems to be a never wavering scheme
One that is the most fulfilling sight you’ll ever lay your eyes upon ,
Before every crevice of the thing you once adored turns into to ash and bone

Its so fascinating , is it not ?
The way we tumble and fall , but still lift ourselves up
The way we get a little bit uglier , a little more lost  
At every twist and turn , we lose something that we were made of



And I’ve lost , lost so much in you .
May I reach for your heart , rip it from your chest to allow myself to feel full again ?
Or maybe -and only if you let me- would you let me retrieve my books from your shelves ,
I know you read them , understood them and bare with me , annotated them but they are mine ,
May I have them back ?

It’s in no way that I wish to taint you furthermore with my obligations and needs ,
But the things I used to give -and willingly so- are now missing me
Or I miss them , that besides the point ,
With them in your hands I fail to feel whole ,

So let me dissect your brain , to figure which part of every memory  belonged to me
To attempt to seek and find the things that now make you 'you' , that actually stem from me .
I’m sorry , or probably not all , I don’t seem to a give a single thought about you being empty
I just need the love you stole from me

This is a another classic instance of **** or be killed ,
In a way this for my survival , and thus I must ****
You , it all seems to begin with you .
All the things that hurt me , simply make you stronger
Cause I didn’t steal from you

And my heart weighs heavier than you on the balance of honesty

Do you even know what love is ?
Treating it like a language that’s foreign
Finding it in everything and anything
Yet you still fail to gasp it’s concept

I love you . in everything you are
In everything you aren’t .
You ‘think’ I know you
But you don’t even know where to start

I love you , in the way you’re so cautious of your heart
Treating like it’s all that matters ,
In a way that makes hating you so **** hard
I love you like it’s all that matters

In the way you see me inside out
in a simple blink of an eye
in the way your head falls back
when I try to make you laugh

in the way you look at me like I’m all yours
just to remind me I’m not
the way you drown everyone in this fantasy of ours
just to remind me It’s all false .

I love you in the way your breath fans the wind
In the redness of your cheeks
I love you with all your physiology
I love all of you in everything and anythings.

But what’s love if not mingled with hate ?
Theres some parts of you I simply detest

I hate you , In the way you make me feel small
in moments of vulnerability and distress
make me wet , dripping in disrespect
not from lust . no, not at all

I hate you , in your words
You walking dissonance .
Act like I’m the whole world
Just to speak utter nonsense .

Since vkei replicas nostalgia so well
I’m torn between crying or deeming satisfactory the years that have already fell
Cause vkei replicas the way I felt
When you were with me and everything was okay

And then I’m remembered how I would utter masculine names just for you to **** the noise they made
How I wanted to to fight thin air so I’d belong to you in every way .
How I'd talk about make  believes in hopes you’d nullify them all so I’d be compelled to pick only you
How I wanted you to be it all for me too .

I’ll move on I can feel it has already begun in my bones
Unfortunately there a still a few cells that seem to still live for you
A few cells which sole purpose is to remind me of my love for you
The ones you altered the chemistry of with you long lasting presence
The ones that forgot what they were doing before the sight of you

You’re a lesson not a lover,
A fact a struggle to reconcile with
Cause you were everything that mattered
Now I barely even miss you within

My pretty boy your pride no longer makes you sweet,
You would’ve been sour if I had got a taste
All that sin and being so mean
Has left us with a foul aftertaste

And when does sun appear, your presence disappears
Leaving place to colour, gold and beautiful ebony
But when the sun goes down, you creep on me
Like the devil in the night
Now all I see is dark, blue, blue and blue,
Tainted with some green but still so ever blue

And I’m submerged by a wave of blue sea,
That suffocates me once again,
Removing the air, I know now wasn’t you
But you aren’t here, so you took my breath away
You aren’t here, so there’s nothing for you take

I’ll move oceans and I’ll call the wind
To move in my favour ,spin on a whim
To forbid foul says of your being to spread
To erase false names before they even escape

To forbid your eyes to be dimmed of their light
It’s only for me to do it , it’s my birthright
I don’t care how many storms I cause
Nor how many endless wars
Your my pillar , your worth the fight

You replaced the endless green that bloomed in my heart
You replaced it with your being like it was never hard
You took it all to leave me with nonthing
Leaving in my mouth a taste similar to tar

I don’t care that we’re not meant to be
As you can see I’m still quite lonely
It’s not about you and your love for me
But about that void you could fill for me

So those who speak of our severance
Will have to learn some tolerance
Cause it is simply impractible
When I’m bathing in this loneliness

You’re beautiful .
Your beauty was so blinding .
The entirety of you was to my souls content .
I loved you and everything you were .
Every single thing .
Nothing about you could push me away and everything about you drew me in .
The doubt that clouds your mind could never cloud  mine because if I was to be sure of one thing , it would be my love for you .
The hesitation in your words and your self deprecating ones could never meet my ears and even less meet my eyes because something so far from my sentiment could never be considered .