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 Feb 2015
Gwendolyn
I know I shouldn't be scared of you
I know I shouldn't double check the locks
on the doors and windows every night
It doesn't do anything
You always find a way in
You slither into my room
Invading my thoughts
You keep my up at night
I used to stay up to keep you away
You used to be afraid of the light
But now you're not afraid of anything
So I'm afraid of everything
I used to be indifferent
Apathetic
But the constant loss of sleep
And the continuos unbearable stress has made me grind my teeth again
My canines are almost flat
And maybe that's why you're not afraid of me anymore
I am no longer a threat
I'm barely a person and you're not helping
Go back to juvie because I can't
Deal won't your drug anymore
You won't let me focus
Stop standing outside my window
I said no
But you didn't listen
And now I've started sleeping with a knife under my pillow again
I wish you would just leave me alone
But you can't and I understand that
So next time you try to **** yourself over me
Let me know so we can talk
You know I don't like you
And I know you think you love me
But you don't know me
No one can love me
Because
There is nothing left to love
You call me beautiul
And that makes me uncomfortable
Because I hate when people lie to me
How can you look at my disfigured soul
And see anything less than
Complete failure
I'm a mess
But I don't want you to clean me up
Because I can't think in a spotless room
I can't find a thing when it's put away
It's like reverse OCD
But you don't understand that
So you stand outside my living room window
Waiting for a glimpse of me
Because I don't answer the door when you knock
You pound on the door like the pounding in my room
From the rocks you throw at my window
Pretty soon it's going to crack
And the I will have to tell people about you
There is a reason I no longer sleep with my shades up
I don't want you to watch me anymore
So please just leave me alone
Like I said, it's not a metaphor...
 Feb 2015
Gwendolyn
I am a girl.
I have long hair and I love pretty things.
I wear make up and I probably spend too much time in the mall.
But all of that doesn't mean that I am a pushover.
Most people look at my blonde hair and smile and assume I must be dumb because I am nice. And I am so tired of being pushed to the side because my heels are higher than they should be and I love to dress up.
And I don't dress up for you, or him, or her.
I don't wear makeup so you think I'm pretty.
I do it for myself.
Not for the catcalls or the leering stares.
And just because I spend more time playing with lady bugs then sticking to the man doesn't mean my opinions don't matter.
My worth is not measured by how many people are afraid of me.
By the amount of hearts I break or the number of times my heart was the one breaking.
And when I said no I meant it.
And when I said stop, you didn't listen because you thought I didn't know what I wanted.
But I knew I didn't want you.
And you treated my body is on public display, like I was some statue for you to touch and admire.
But I am not a piece of artwork that is up for public discussion.
I may be indecisive, and emotional,
I may cry over the death of a book character in the middle of study hall,
But that is my choice.
It is my choice to not pretend that I am not constantly overwhelmed with one million different emotions.
And it is not your right to ask me about it.
Did anyone ask if Joan of arc was in her period when she went to war?
No because she was armed to the teeth with ax and sword.
But you know what, I have armor too.
It may be long flowery skirts, and beads in my hair, but it's mine.
And I will fight till my last breath if it means my body is mine.
If it means that her body is hers, and his body is his.
I don't need you to "protect" me.
I don't you constantly looking over my shoulder and thinking that what I am doing is not my choice.
I am not trying to make some speech about how I am better than you because I am not
We are equal in every way and you need to see that.
She is not better than him and he is not better than her and they are not better than them
And we, we are all the same we all have fears and we all cry sometimes.
It's not up to you which parts of my body are mine and which parts of my body are yours. Because it's all mine and none of it's yours.
Even if I let you close to it doesn't mean I'm giving you permission to touch it.
And you need permission to touch it.
To touch me.
But you didn't have it and you say that's my fault.
That it's my fault that you couldn't control yourself.
And I believed you,
But that was so long ago and I am so much better now.
I don't need you to make me feel important.
I am a girl.
I have long hair and I love pretty things.
But that doesn't mean that I'm a pushover.
Yeah, I'm quiet and polite.
And yeah maybe I bowed my head in submission that night when you told me I wanted this but not anymore.
Now I am going to look you in the eye and say
"No this is mine. The space between my legs is not public property. So you better find another park to play at."

— The End —