A bullet hits my brain,
Fired from within,
And screams from the knife in my hand.

A blade hits my wrist,
And blood is set free,
At last released in pain and tears.

A breath hits my lungs,
And no more.

It's strange how bright the darkness shines,
Without logic, or care or sense.
Only laughter remains for us,
And sweet crazy grins,
And skipping for no real reason but,
We can.

It's odd how conversations stream,
From awkward to flowing to too long,
But always they lead to,
Hurting ribs from,
Gold-hazed moments,
Of simple bliss.

It's weird how things end up,
Always the same but never the same,
Journey getting there,
Always a goodbye, departure,
No matter how hard to leave,
Separate again,
We always must,
Until next time.

I wonder if they realise,
That my fingers’ dance,
Is more than an essay or coursework.

I wonder if they know,
That these words have more meaning,
Than just word count or letters or form.

I wonder if what they see,
Is a student catching up,
Or a hipster with too much time.

I wonder if they expect,
Me to move on soon,
Or stay here obsessing all night.

I wonder if they care,
Enough to think at all,
Or wonder who I am,
Where I've been,
Or why I'm writing.

Are you listening?
Or are my words,
No more than ripples,
That fade too fast,
Into confusion.

Are you watching?
Or does what I do,
Mean no more than whispers,
On a breeze too strong,
Carrying them away.

Am I worth anything to you?
Or just another distraction?

Should we go in?
If we do, I know I'll just say yes,
I'll let them have what they want,
And who knows what could happen,

Then I'm back against the wall,
Forced to make the choice: "Yes"
So in we go.

Then another choice but this time,
I make them decide on,
A cup disguised as harmless,
But there's fire in the ice.
"Yes"

And in but a minute,
Enough is in our veins,
To colour the world,
In rainbows and glitter,

These laughs and trying to,
Stop. But not for long,
Before both in hysteria while,
Confused, strangers pass.

Mind empty,
Days behind,
And still no spark,
No flame.

Blank paper,
Ripped out,
And thrown as I,
Start to go insane.

And the words,
Jumble in my head they
all stretch and
break
and fall to place
round way wrong.

An image flashes,
For just an instant,
But I cannot capture it,
It's gone.

Time could pass,
Between my footsteps,
Eternities in each pace,
Before I'd realise.

The sky could dim,
And glow and dim,
And glow thousand times,
Before I'd look up.

Waters of ages could fall,
Or rise to meet my breaths,
And carve the path before me,
Before I'd blink.

But if I stopped,
I'd see.

No meaning is held by light
Beyond shadows, sequence or shallow form
No release may grace the night

And screams my mind for sight
As limbs for rest in brutal storm
No meaning is held by light

As time drips too slow to fight
My eyes from life to numbness torn
No release may grace the night

Blind, I stumble from love into spite
And flail through wire and thorn
No meaning is held by light

But though my life is finite
I will not let them mourn
No release may grace the night

Is there any greater art but to write?
In darker times ink kept me warm
No meaning is held by light
No release may grace the night

I fear not death,
More than any other,
Trial, ordeal, pain of life,
But it has made me weak.

I do not stretch,
To cling with such,
Desperate, frantic fingers,
To a life I could do without.

But I do fear,
That if I am careless,
My departure will break,
My friends beyond hope.

And I have promised,
Not to hurt them,
Anymore.

A whisper,
When I rest in your arms.
A thank you,
As we sway to some far-flung,
Dream of a song.
A promise,
As you tightened your hold,
And as you did I felt,
Safety,
All fear, all tension,
Blurred from focus,
Until they were no more,
Than background.

The first settling snow,
Came late this year,
And the usual dancing was muted,
To little more,
Than a sway.

Once exhilarated,
Our feet this year,
Are heavy, placed and firm,
For no reason more,
Than fear.

In this house,
We all scream,
No future,
The world is over,
But nobody noticed.

On this floor,
We all dream,
But no truth,
The end is here,
But nobody cared.

In this room,
We all cry,
No solace,
The present is frozen,
But nobody was looking.

In this life,
We all die
No escape,
The date is set,
But nobody will know.