Losing sight, sound, coherence,
The world shifts beneath me and I'm somewhere else,
Somewhere quiet, but deafening,
Filled with monsters longing to hug me
And I feel nothing but my legs,
Kicking, flailing against the desk,
I'm falling, in colours and pain,
And my voice is calling out without me,
Too loud, no fear, only pure panic,
As my brain loses touch with my spine,
And all I know is nothing.

Death is not the end
As long as memories live
Your story remains

I've got to get out
Of a cage
That I built with me inside
I've got to take off
The cloak
That I made too big so I could hide
I've got to untie
These chains
That held me out of sight
I've got to be free
Of myself
Tonight

I've got to forget
The fear
And walk on my own feet
I've got to release
The pain
And turn from my defeat
I've got to believe
That I
Can be more than just a rewrite
I've got to be free
Of myself
Tonight

Waiting in the empty hours
The fading hours
When loneliness holds my hand
Hoping for different company
Or company at all

Waiting in the solitude
A multitude
Of memories haunt me
Draping themselves around my neck
And my thoughts

Waiting in the pointlessness
The uselessness
Of staying up later than planned
Praying for some purpose
To my dreams.

Waiting as I always do
Always knew
That I was in love with 1 AM
More than I ever was
Or ever could love you.

In the texture of summer air
A hope lingers
A promise
Of future warmth
Brighter days
Simpler ways of living
And almost tangible
Touchable
Tasteable love sits
In every breath
Building up
Bubbling over
And straining to be released
Into the world that cries out for it
A people who long for it
A community that thrives on it
As light pours out
And joins the divided.

Fragile wings
Frantic wings
Beating faster than eyes can
Track across the sky
On summer air
Summer currents a prelude
To summer storms
That batter the flight
And bruise the journey
And fill the sky with darkness
And drive them into hiding
But those wings find a way home
And a way out
To the light
And in the wake
Help flowers grow.

Let the blade slip from your hand
Let it fall away like the blood you tried to shed
Let the past fall too, a thousand regrets gone
Let go
Let every time you doubted fade away
Let every wound heal
Let yourself be free of the fear
Let your heart beat warm blood
Let yourself believe that you were worth it
You were worth fighting for.

In stale shadows of night turned early morning
Only the working, weary and weeping move
In silence they carry out their tasks for fear of stirring
Disturbing those at peace
What could be screams are toned down to whimpers choked into bedsheets
No one would know
No one would hear
In the stale shadows of night turned early morning

A stutter as the shutter closes
And seals away the past
Words taken and shaken around
And stuck in mind to last
In that second I reckoned I could
Speak and still be heard
But a stutter as the shutter closed
Cut off -

The longing burns in
The very fabric of skin -
Armour, yet torture.

And she never said a word
Without the sound of music in her head
She never gave her heart
Until she knew her blood was red
She tried to open up
But couldn't give enough
Until she found herself on the keys.

After school
A girl sits alone
At a piano
And plays
Songs she didn't know
And as she sits there
She learns
How to make beauty
With her fingers
And how it lingers
In the air.

Here, in these ninety minutes,
This means something,
This one shot,
The single chance to prove
That those thirteen days (and a year before)
Were not wasted
Not simply an excuse nor chains
That shackled me to the desk,
To the chair, inside...
This is it,
Do. Not. Mess. It. Up.
Breathe, focus.
Okay.
*"The time is now exactly ten-to-nine,
You may start - good luck."