A light peeks out,
From the top of a closed door,
Not of wood,
But of night.

Its frame is the stars,
Its handle invisible,
Out of touch,
Too far for human hands.

Beyond that door,
Lies another world,
But no one sees it,
No one notices,
The glint of light,
Peeking at our reality.

I am told to hide,
To keep me safe.
To protect me from,
The hateful spikes,
That already smother my skin.

For their sake,
To simplify,
So they won't be confused,
Or so they won't disown,
I keep truth muffled within my heartbeat.

To make it easier,
I live this lie,
Allow my soul to weep,
In silence.

As the seasons change,
I cannot.

I can never flower,
Never blossom,
Nor cast aside my past.

Instead,
I allow my true face,
To be covered,
As snow blankets the ground,
(Or once did).

Instead,
My own character is frozen,
In place.

For I am told,
That to live safely in the dark,
Is preferable,
To living freely in the light,
Because that way:
"You won't get hurt."

Well,

I would take,
The pain of whatever tortures,
The human mind can design,
If it meant I could be,
Who I am,
Who I want to be,
Without deception,
Without fear,
And without compromise.

But that is not good enough.

So I hide.

By the will of sleep's hand,
Dark evenings,
nights,
mornings,
Are a stage for the unwilling.

No mask will hide me,
My face brittle enough,
To serve as my glass-eyed martyr,
While blurred strings bind my wrists,
Lift my limbs to work.

Taught harsh by taut strings,
To pose in progression,
To dance to tunes the shadow sings,
And turn and twist and paint his expression.

But break now with dawn, my wires!
Release now your hold,
Let me wake and walk and dance alone,
To my own tune,
In my time.

Lost times,
Are summed up in songs,
Of the moment.

That song she loved,
When we first met,
I know every word.

That song she showed me,
When our lives were,
Joined for a while.

That song I played,
When she left,
Still brings tears.

But so long ago now,
That I'm ready,
For new songs,
To become moments.

In my grieving,
The world lost hope.

In my lying,
The world ran scared.

In my stillness,
The world moved on.

In my hiding,
The world forgot me.

In my smiling,
No one was left.

If I'd only,
Held you a little longer,
Smiled a little brighter,
Or looked deeper in your eyes,
Would that show you?


If I'd only,
Been a little stronger,
Laughed a little lighter,
Or whispered the words in my mind,
Would you understand?

If I'd only,
Had one chance I'd have taken it,
If I'd only,
Been brave enough to say,
If I'd only,
One more day,
I'd spend it with you.

Dusk distracts my eyes,
As freely flows the blood,
As softly my head stirs the dark,
Draws in the night-stained,
Ink blots of sleep.

A whisper runs down my cheek
The touch of a single breath
A shimmering trail of pain it leaves
Upon my weary flesh.

A story falls from my cheek
Of fear and loss and empty cries
Its language is jumbled, its voice is weak
But tells still of evil and lies.

An ending fell to the floor from my cheek
Soaked in to my foundation
Faded now, no one hears it speak
Of my heart's lonely starvation.

So here's to new beginnings,
Acceptance and truth!

Here's to understanding,
Compassion and love!

Here's to the light at the end of the tunnel,
And the journey getting there!

Here's to escaping fear,
Confidence and freedom!

And here's to 2016,
And all it may bring.

Seeing in the year,
Hair three times as long as the last,
Eyes a little brighter,
Smile a little wider,
A shirt that fits my frame,
Make-up not to hide behind but,
Instead,
To highlight,
To show off,
Who I am,
Who I have always been,
But until now,
Could never be seen,
Now, in a small room,
With a family around me,
And a few friends,
I am me.

The first notes,
Rang out,
As I plucked her steel strings.

Finally released,
From her soul,
The song of her dawning.

And oh!
How it soothed!
Dripped gently through the air.

And in a moment,
I was free,
All was happy, all was fair.

The minister for vitamins
(Specifically D)
Climbed down from the cabinet
To make some mint tea
To give to the patients
With their hammocks for beds
And ginger-scented ointment
For their pain-filled heads
It was then he told me
(With a smirk on his face)
That he intended to win
The next supplementary debate
With a brand-new policy
For the short and long run
That would revolutionise the industry!
Cod liver oil! For everyone!
"Of course," he whispered
"It's not a sure thing,"
"That B12 **** has got funding,"
"Supporters in Beijing!"
But still, he was confident
That his plan would suffice
After all, his mint tea and ointment
Did smell very nice.