Is it okay that I still love you?
Even knowing what you did?
I knew nothing at the time
Hell, I was just a kid
I sometimes got the feeling
That maybe you were mean
But I'd push it from my mind
Like some forgotten dream
You used to tell me stories
Before I'd go to sleep
You shared with me imagination
But kept your secrets hidden deep
As I grew into a woman
You gave me great advice
You taught me to be honest
For to lie you pay a price
You told me I was beautiful
And you loved to hear me sing
I never felt you judge me
I could tell you any thing
By then my sister and brother
Had left to escape your fury
You made us think they alone were guilty
A swift exile by judge and jury
I believed they were to blame
Yes, I believed your lies
Even though Dad's heart was broken
Even when I heard his cries
As the years progressed
You shared a little of your tale
About your ******* of a father
And how he put you all through hell
Your last years were full of pain
You suffered much before your death
You begged them for forgiveness
Then you took your final breath
But the damage was too great
And we would not recover
We remained estranged
From our sister and our brother
Since your death I've learned the truth
What you did, and what was done to you
My hearts breaks for the abuse you gave
And the hell that you went through
Now my heart is so confused
I don't know how to feel
Is it okay to love you?
Is the woman I knew even real?
I can't explain it any better
And I don't know what to do
I wish some one would just tell me
Is it okay to love you?
A poem I wrote about my mother many years after her death, when I learned the truth about what she had kept hidden from her children. So much more than could fit in any poem. I remain confused about a lot of things, but I love her. I am me, in part at least, because of her. What ever wrongs she committed, she is my mom and I'll always love her.