Sweet dreams are only
nightmares pretending
life is okay

Just another shot of Whiskey
Happiness in a bottle they say
Or do I say?
When do the lines of happiness
And the cracks of depression
Blend together
When do you look in the mirror
And see who you have been lately
You see who you pretend to be
But on the inside you're in agony
But you're also silent, colorless, blind
Fumbling through life feigning
Who you once were
Who you take a shot and pray to
Any spirit who will listen
To be once again

I want to sing you songs
and make your ears bleed with the beauty
I want to hug you
and stab you in the back like you stabbed me
I want you to think I'm amazing
I want you to hate yourself
I want to accept your nonexistent apology
I want to cry blood from the cuts in my heart and soul
You mean it in how you treat me right?
You actually hate me
I want you to hate her
Why don't you love me...
Why do I love you?
Why are you good enough for my feelings?
My heart drops when I hear your name
Is that fear or longing?
Is this how I'm supposed to feel?
When did confusion become my disease
I am happy
*I am dying on the inside

At least if I can't sleep
and I'm eating myself alive
slowly from the inside out
...............................
I taste like a cookie
and hopefully *****

You are like a disease
Growing on my heart
Leaving shards of mirror
Reflecting my face in
Shattered despair
All I want is a cure
Some way to endure
I don't want to compare myself
To the mistakes you chose over me
I don't want to hate the broken human
With a haunting resemblance
Of who I used to be
I want to move on
But I can't quite figure out how
Because when a part
.....of you...
....still loves....
Who do you turn to
Who becomes the medicine
When your cure
Has become your disease

I lie in bed at night
Hoping, praying, begging for sleep
To dream
To ease the nightmare of life
To bind the wounds tight
And forge the scars
Deep, meaningful, reminding
Times of relentless pain
A shadowed past
Overcome to feel the sting
Of a blackness that tickles my skin
Iss a warm welcome to my own mind
My own hell burning in tears
Falling down my cheeks
Tapping the floor
Such a sick harmonious beat
Only to be smothered by my footsteps
Harping in rhythm,
The rhyme of the next day
Of defeat

Staring at the soft glow
Suffering through fight after fight
I say I'm okay
But in the end
Today is just another day
When I look at your face
It makes me want to wither away
But for today, Christmas
I swore a tear I never would shed