keep it up
keep on hoping

sleep with one eye open

cause a man that you can steal
is a man that can be stolen

compared to the past
it all seems so tame
now I can see the path
and the monsters have names

I looked fear in the eye
and I walked away
I have seen darker days
why should I be afraid?

I felt like I was drowning
a well in my head
something wanted me dead
and I said
not today

though sometimes I still say
I can't cope anymore
I have been there before
there is always a way

this is a pit                                                              ­          and into it
we throw our garbage                                           and our ****
       our grease                                                           ­      and grit    
   our slime                                                            ­and swill
  and all the people                                     that we ****
flotsam and jetsam                           film and oil
compacted into                              fertile soil
beneath the steep         and jagged *****
     there grows         a single flower








hope

just the way you are
you are already enough
you don't have to earn my love
you don't have to try

it's OK to fail
it's OK to be crazy
it's OK to get angry
it's OK to cry

most people are good
it's fine to be ordinary
I am not comparing you to
anybody else

I take comfort in
things I wish were said to me
now I can be there for me
say them to myself

a river flows
where no one goes

this is a place
where no one stays

one day I will lose everything

one day
or day by day by day

and time will be
the end of me

and I will be
a memory

and all who still
remember me

the river will
wash them away

is there a land
that lies beyond the sea
are we
the gods that dream
the empty and the entropy
the smoke and mirrors in between

a sandstorm in the hourglass
a thousand tiny little stings
the wind whispers
this too shall pass
the same sand
falls through everything

doesn't matter
left or right

they are marching from both sides

I believe
there will be fire
no matter what we decide

either way
they'll say

they lied

take up arms
and take a side

the same storm on all horizons

we are watching
from the eye

everywhere
we see the hand
that wrote our pattern in the sand

no face
but within all faces

no place
but within all places

do you dream?
are you our friend?
do you tell spacetime how to bend?

I want to understand
but I have never seen beyond the sand

can you feel it

the tension
of the uncertain

a faint electric current
just under the surface
a half second deep

and half sleeping we keep
our third eye
on the timeline

waiting
for the silence to break

The Sun is my clock
And the planets my candles
They shine through the darkness
And into my eyes

The stars are my compass
The Moon is my calendar
When I have questions
I look at the sky

you wanted my silence
and still you want more
scream into the wind
that I wasn't your *****

gather your roses
a fistful of thorns
I will be silent
when you reap the storm

I want to love and be loved too
that's more than I can ask of you

I want you to care about me
and make me your priority

maybe I can't find the words
maybe it's more than I deserve

but all the silence in the world
won't hide my eyes
that tell the truth

The truth is
I don't believe in God
but
I don't believe that there is no God
either
A lot of people have tried to convince me
One way or the other
But so far nobody has even come close
And to be honest
I don't see that changing anytime in the near future

life is a dream
that the void dreams
life is a sentence
the void screams

so turns the world  
so turns                the wheel
as one is born             another killed
one wheels and deals and steals his fill
and falls beneath               another's heel
another turns                      upon his heel
to feel the life            that he has stilled
and still he feels      but still he stills
and turns                     again
to turn the wheel

I wander
but do not forget
I wonder
do you see it yet?

it is kismet
it is fate
I am patient
I will wait

a veil of ice
across my soul
so I control
how much you know

a smooth façade
a cool veneer
that isolates me
from my fear

I am afraid
when you get close
can you see into me?
almost

if you are warm
the ice will break
and take you
to the strangest place

I never set
the monster free
it is still hidden
deep within
covered over in silence
thin ice on the sea
show a cold silhouette
Leviathan

what if
your wild roses are
the thorns in my heart

One by one
I will pull out every thorn
One by one by one

Row on row
I weave them into armor
Row on row on row

Words are like threads
Pulling our heartstrings
And drawing our thoughts
Lifting us higher
Like marionettes

Words are like threads
Twisted and tangled
A Gordian knot
Whole worlds bound up
In what people have said

Words are like threads
Holding up guillotines
Arrows pulled taut
Only a sentence
Until it is read

Words are like threads
Closing the circuits
Connecting the dots
Weaving bright tapestries
Inside our heads

Weave my thoughts
Words like threads
Speak
I am your marionette

changing

maiden - mother - crone

threefold goddess
the same stone

tide to bring us
life and pain

and tide
to wash it all away

I read a message
Written on a screen
In a dream
Three words

‘Everyone is agnostic’

Sometimes dreams tell the truth

tiger
in a cage

I walk right up
to you

and look you in the eye
without fear

do you wonder why?
or do you understand

the courage is not in my heart

it is in the glass

back in the day
it was okay
to say
one day
but not today

to wait was not
cause for regret
I did not need
to decide yet

it's fine
I still have time
but I am older
every time I blink

what I miss most
about the past
is having time to think

I am not ashamed
to still be alive

I asked myself the question
and I chose to be

I held on
I was strong
and I survived

every new year
every sunrise
every single time I open my eyes

is another victory

love is a gift
it's not something you earn
it's not something you get
because you deserve

love isn't the validation you dream of
if somebody loves you
it means they can love

love is not a deal
love is not a trade
love cannot be unfelt
love cannot be unmade

love sees through all your faults
love knows you are enough
love is gentle
do not be afraid
to be loved

many moments
I catch myself
looking ahead

I am dying in bed
I am already dead

I don't know what will happen
but I try to see

what will happen to us
what will happen to me

I look into the future
the future looks back

envying my smooth skin
and the time I have left

pitying me for silly mistakes
I still make

laughing
at the naivete
trending today

and the future
I see it branch out like a tree

many branches
but they are all looking at me

I am a memory

I haunt them
every one

with the things I do now
that cannot be undone

petty quarrels
that I would do better to question

questing for laurels
I'm too restless to rest on

I'll make my mistakes
till the branches all break

it is not the future
it is always today

I have come untethered
like a feather
in the sky

I cannot stay forever
but wherever
will I fly?

the rivers
come together

where the heavens
meet the sea

at the mercy of the weather
for one moment
I am free

For some people
Tolerance is a mask
But you can still see the fear
In their eyes

It is to dance
On spiderwebs
And never know
When we may fall

It is to wander
Through the night
By hidden light
Where shadows call

It is to wonder
At the sky
To wonder if
We know at all

It is to love
Deep in the dark
And never know
Whose name we call

they say
it is always today

but I can guess
what will come next

tomorrow will
be stranger still

and infinitely more complex

tomorrow will be different
tomorrow I will make the change
those are such easy words to say
tomorrow isn't a real day

it's easy to stand up
to people who hate us

the only thing holding us back
is our fear

but it's harder to stand up
to people who love us

who are not aware
of their toxic behavior

and likely would cry
if they knew how they hurt us

now that is a real ******* balancing act

I think about you all the time
it's messing with my head
I wish that I
would rather think
of something else instead

and I can't stop this train of thought
no matter what I do
but I don't want to write
another poem
about you

last night I had a dream

there was a trilobite
in the green grass

I saw myself
from atop a cliff

running through the forest
in a velvet dress

the me that was
up on the cliff

had an old fashioned camera
in my hand

I tried to take a picture
of myself

but the me in the forest
was just too fast

Three candles burning in the dark
Beneath a great oak tree
In a triangle
The same spark
Set fire to all three

Each candle held a symbol
Which was writ on it in red
With the rhythm of a tymbal
A soft voice came down and said

By the Moon and Earth and Sun
Let these three melt into one
By the Sun and Earth and Moon
Let these three become triune

Could someone ever love me for exactly who I am?
Quite possibly, but I still have my doubts
For this to happen I would have to share all my secrets
I don't know if it's worth it to find out

One day I will find someone who I want to show my soul
Someone I want to stay with till the end
Someone for whom I am willing to rethink all these walls
And ask myself this same question again

I set limits
because I must
it isn't just a test
oh but
trust and believe
it is a test
you fail the test
you lose my trust

who do I trust?
my inner voice?
what happens if I make that choice?

who do I trust?
are you my friend?
sometimes it's easy to pretend

who do I trust
to keep me safe?
one step from a knife in my face

who do I trust?
the government?
to what extent could I dissent?

I look around
and so many things are fake
that model has three hands
AI mistake

that model is a human
but I can't untangle
the lighting the filters the fillers
the edits the angles

they want me to compare
myself to that
to buy their diet pills
cause I think I'm fat

they want me to be
ashamed of myself
to not feel beautiful
without their help

while the algorithm
chases fame and youth
all along we're being told
different versions of the truth

and it makes us angrier
but also tamer
bouncing off the edges
of the echo chamber

performing to reflect
this invisible cage
we learn to conform
while they harvest our rage

and create a safe space
for the powers that be
the hands can't hit
what the eyes can't see

and the pied piper sings
such a catchy song
but my inner voice
says something is wrong

even as I learn to sing along
even as I use it to distract me from my problems

and the algorithm
has seen my soul
and it brings me things
that I want to know

to show me the stars
in a handful of dust

to show me something I can trust

turns
wheel        and
the                   turns
you don't need to be afraid
wheel                for
the           we
are

Bright star winking in the night
Radiant bringer of light
Sailing westward past the trees
Almost fast enough to see

Ancient light graces my eyes
And I feel what I have learned
Dizzying to realize
That I am the one who turns