It is to say that people are
No more than pawns in some great war
An easy way to instantly
Create a world of enemies

my soul is electricity
it never stops
moving

if it did
it would fall
into the nothing
that everything is full of

and fill the void
with its

infinitely
deep emptiness

who were the gods
who spun the wheel
and landed on your star
how many numbers did they draw
to make you who you are
who threw the dice
ten thousand times
to roll your run of sevens
to bring you
bright and lightning struck
what luck
and from what heaven

I look through other people's eyes
it feels like I'm watching TV
until they look at me

instinctively
I freeze

reflected in

from the outside
upside down empathy

Even in the strangest sea
I know I can float
Adrift on uncertainty
I am full of hope

I try to build
a castle
out of diamonds

flashing in the Sun

but they are smooth and sharp
and do not hold together

tzak                  
tzak
                  tzak­

the castle falls apart

a dangerous sky
it is raining stars

I am just like everybody
I will also fall

to find my way around that
I'd do anything at all

including telling this big lie
if only to myself

"I am different than the others"

just like everybody else

love is not a thing
it is a living creature
fang and claw and wing
always listening
though it knows no words
it stirs deep in the night
to sing

weave a letter from needles
and hope only the words will stick
I would have to be made of steel
to write a poem about this

we are all
equally
a part of the great machine
creating
destroying
all the time
everything

to destroy
to create
these are really the same thing
both of them
are to change
recombine
rearrange

I'm not thinking about you

I fantasize about you
so often
that when I am with you
it feels like a dream

I never set
the monster free
it is still hidden
deep within
covered over in silence
thin ice on the sea
show a cold silhouette
Leviathan

feelings may be censored or repressed
felt but not expressed
seen but not heard
sometimes we use words and nothing else
sometimes we use everything but words

if I could fly
upon the sky

into the silence and the cold

I'd write your name across the Moon
as it is written on my soul

held by the tide
that does not turn
showing the same side
day by day

no wind to blow

no fire to burn

no ocean to
wash you
away

I am
the Moon
you sing to me
I am the Sun
you look away in fear
I am the Earth
I feel your footprints in my soul
I am the sky
I see you search for all your gods in me
I am the sea
in dreams you follow music to my hidden shore

there  ✧  is  ✧  a  ✧  star
will sleep until             it is destroyed
what we are                          and spills out life
       where our essence                                    into the void       
      become a part of the sky                   and what wise hand      
      you and I                                                             may­ fabricate      
moons and planets                                           the many things  
melting out into the night                                     that it creates  
      incandescent searing light                          moons and planets        
till the Sun begins to turn                                stone and metal  
burn whatever they can burn                           running water  
until only monsters remain                            flower petals  
     and up the chain                                       moving round      
  on and on                                   by their own power    
      to eat the bees                                    little bees          
       little birds                 to eat the flowers        
singing sweetly in the trees

how translucent
existence seems
like a memory
of a dream

echoes of echoes
that become
an inarticulable hum

the time it takes
until we know
reality
moments ago

feels like thunder
and makes me wonder

is it ever really now?

they each think I
am on the other side
not anymore

here in the center
all I see
is two long rows of swords

out in the open
with the others
I could stay forever

this will not be a gauntlet
till you learn to come together

hate
reject
don't know

   I             ?           U  

understand
want
love

I want to be loved
really truly
for me

If you love me for something else
what does that mean?

Do you love the illusion
you are thinking of?
That is not who I am.

Who do you love?

we see how seeing seems
and we feel how we feel
how much is a dream
how much is real
ॐ
lost in illusion
to deep to be found
dreams within dreams
turtles all the way down

no sunlight falls
on this path I have chosen
my heart is not broken at all
it is frozen

I wander the darkness
in search of your light
you are the shadow
and I am the night

I love and I hate you
with all of my heart
and when I think about you
I am torn apart

once more at the crossroads
the lines seem to vanish
but it doesn't matter
all roads lead to madness

the mind is a kaleidoscope
that makes the whole world bright
so full of shapes and colors
like a wonderland of light

the patterns are so beautiful
symmetrical and strange
when I turn the kaleidoscope
I see the patterns change

I watch existence tessellate
and open like a flower
perception means so much to me
I give it so much power

but when the mirrors melt
and let my mind into the night
I hope that
for one moment
I will truly see the light

for you I would do anything
anywhere

the others can think what they want
I don't care

if I wrote this for them they would
like it more

but I don't want a dozen hearts
I want yours

it is not a poem
the way you make me feel

it is something stranger
much more sinister
more real

written far beneath the mind
far too deep to be heard

in a dark and secret place
where there are no words

  primal  
feral            
powerful              
passion stripped of prose

we are naked animals
underneath our clothes

no meter or pentameter
no semblance of control

not a poem

but obscene graffiti
scrawled across my soul

be silent

words are dangerous

this is no time to speak


a little censorship

is what keeps everybody free


and if you disagree

then you will see

your star shall fall


say what we tell you to

or don't say anything at all

what are the odds?
just a number
between 0 and 1

how many versions of the Universe
contain our Sun?

how many where the world has oceans?
where humans have legs?

I am here
but my mother had so many other eggs

there would be no America
if there had been no Britain

what are the odds
that we can read
that our language was written?

sometimes it makes me wonder
and sometimes it make me shiver

what is life
outside our slice
our tiny little sliver?

ever multiplying
exponential beyond knowing

reality the fractal
like a tree
forever growing

one in infinity
so astronomically small

what are the odds of any of this
happening at all?

as darkness falls upon the Sun
the day is upside down

the Hunter holds the halo
in his right hand
like a crown


a ring of fire

hidden in the light

a shadow sign


draws down the night
into the sky
so darker stars may shine

we have done inhuman things
every single day
even as we sang our songs
even as we prayed

we have always put up walls
to keep them at bay
and built a system to take
their humanity away

we all know the stories so
why are we so surprised
to see all these inhuman deeds
happen before our eyes

but perhaps the part of this
that scares us most of all
that all of these inhuman things are
human after all

everybody has an other
every other one
everyone pretends to wonder
what their other's done

every other does the things
that you would never do
when you are not yourself at all
the other one
is you

every other day I wonder
which way I should go
but when I become the other
I already know

all the million little things
that we would never do
not knowing that
the other me
has seen
the other you

How must that first sunflower feel
To look out on that sea of leaves

All slumbering
Asleep in green

And be the only one
The One
Awake to look back at the Sun

a summer song you hummed to me
remembering the melody

I miss you

the wicked way you came to me
I'd best repress the memory

I want you

entangled in causality
and underneath the mystery

I know you

iniquitous soliloquy
and hidden in the litany

I love you

choose the one who you will follow
sell your will to them forever
different tunes
but all the pipers
lead us into the same river

I do not belong to you
It is not your choice
You don't get to speak for me
I have my own voice

If I stand up and speak my mind
Do not be surprised
This is not under your control
I get to decide

speak or write or walk or kneel
they will never learn
silence is not made of steel
silence can be burned

sun spider
weaves her pattern on the sky
the world in her web

my thoughts about you do not rhyme
they are too twisted to repeat
the part of me that wants you
is a part of me that cannot speak

in the still air
grain fields shimmer
pale blue green
a silent sea

what force or what pressure
could ever
compress you

enough to force you
to transform

deep down in your core
may be one filthy diamond

waiting in the grime
and the coal

.                  black and white                            I am twilight                  
    and night and day                            I am grey          



  ?



  heaven and hell                       shells within shells
                   earth and sky                                who am I?                       .

I hide my pain from a lot of people

I don't want to add to their problems

I am afraid to cry in front of my friends

I don't want them to see

the ways that I am broken

I want to be strong for them

So when they ask me how I am

I smile and say


"Everything is OK"


"Everything is OK"


"Everything is OK"



I tell the same lie

every day

sparrows and crows
what do they know?

the stars above
the world below

and through their eyes
what do they see

when they fly through the sky
like we do in our dreams?

tomorrow we will draw
---------------a different line--------------
in the same sand

I see my own mind from within
it makes me feel so different

but if I look outside myself
I see I'm like everyone else

I know a million little things
the little ways
that make me strange

but everyone has something strange
that's one way
we are all the same

I never say your name
I am afraid
my voice will break

trip on a trill
stammer and still

skip

a beat and spill
repeated syllables
from trembling lips
I know that if I

slip

I'll show the whole world
how I feel

by day I am a memory of night
in dreams I am the moon that draws your sea
I want to chase the fire across your sky
and change the shape of your reality