what am I made of?

words and expressions?
matter and energy?
things and possessions?

am I my ideas
and what I have felt?

am I a hand
that has already been dealt?

what am I made of?

force and attraction?
the sum of my equal opposite reactions?

does this all add up
to an identity?

the soul casts no shadow

I am only

me

I am a wave
on a stormy black sea

I am a branch
on an infinite tree

space within space
time within time

two mirrors reflecting
infinite timelines

so much of my ambition and success
is what you motivated me to do
one day I hope I will find someone else
who motivates me just as much as you

this prison has no walls
only the sea
there is nothing you can climb
to be free

VIGILANCE

OBEDIENCE

CONTROL

a cold perimeter
around the soul

the river does not know
why it flows
into the sea

but it can shape the land
like a strange hand

the wind does not know
why it blows
through the trees

but it can turn a mountain
into sand

I am not afraid to love
I am afraid to be loved

Why should this be something
That I am afraid of?

So I can never break your heart
And never show my soul

So you can never say
You do not love me
Anymore

the marks you left on my heart
slowly fade away
a choke chain
broken apart
day by day by day

I used to believe

one day

I will meet my soulmate
and we will love each other
just the way we are

one day

I don't believe that anymore

but it's okay

you came into my life
and I have never been the same

you crossed into my mind
and now my shadow has a name

I burn so bright
when you're with me
and even when you're gone

your darkness follows me
each time I walk toward the Sun

     opposition     yin and yang
        aligned      intertwined

seven  ★ seven
constellations
form one single sign

you haunt the hollows of my soul
and echo like a song

I look back from the Sun
and you have been there all along

you are like a glowing coal
you cannot hurt me
on your own

I am the one
who burns my soul
by choosing not to let you

< go >

if they are right
and it is true
that there are infinite versions of you

the odds that it will happen to you
are the percentage of you
it happens to

but we can never quantify
something that we cannot divide

an arrow on a number line
infinite
undefined

doesn't matter
left or right

they are marching from both sides

I believe
there will be fire
no matter what we decide

either way
they'll say

they lied

take up arms
and take a side

the same storm on all horizons

we are watching
from the eye

if heaven is just
a dream that we dream
a final escape
from reality

a place that we go
in the mind
>  >  nowhere  <  <
in the lightning storm

will I meet you there?

a strange soft silence covers me like snow
like innocence still waiting to be spoiled
but just a little deeper down I know
there hides a solid mile of stone and soil

no tolling bell, no chime to mark the time
no clock, no metronome, no pendulum
only my silent mind that tries to mime
the illusion of equilibrium

I don't feel creative

no

there is no starlight

in my soul


I can lie

or tell the truth

but I am saying nothing

new

When I don't understand the harm
I ask myself
what if I could?

When it seems like a false alarm
I ask myself

Am I the wolf?

every time you turn away from me
into my waiting hands falls one more stone

I carry them no matter where I go
now I have almost more than I can hold

and when one day it is too much to bear
I throw every last stone down in the sand

but when you give a sign to show you care
I walk right back to you

with empty hands

hidden knowledge
second sight

infrared
lower light

feral heat
that burns you bright

in the snake pit
of the night

every day I try to act
like I could let you go

it is tricky to retract
what you already know

I think you have seen through me
and into something real

I love you

but I'll never really tell you
how I feel

I will never tell a soul
I want it to come true

every dandelion
every star

I wish for you

Pretending it didn't hurt
didn't sting

Did you know I would have done
anything?

I would rather feel alright
than be yours

I don't want to hurt myself
anymore

I don't need comparison to categorize me with clarity
a singularity not predicated on duality
I don't need anybody to validate my identity
when my identity is validated by reality

those whom we did not defend
today are the ones who attack
no matter how much we pretend
the pendulum always swings back

I don't know my soul
I don't give a ****
I'd rather be happy
than know who I am

this is my sanctuary
YOU cannot come in
I want to be alone
so I can be safe

I slam the door shut
in your FACE

strange shapes                          

shift past
                
                               stained glass

who is outside?
I become curious to know
I try to open the door

I am not strong enough

the door stays closed

no one can unlock my heart
at least nobody else but me
it's been so long
I don't even remember
where I hid the key

the lock is there
because of fear
but I don't know of whom or what
it must be something
much more frightening
than these one thousand cuts

you are shipwreck
and disaster

cursed no matter what I do

you are the maelstrom
and the monster

every storm leads back to you

there was a time
I was connected
to myself
and to it all

my heart feels like a piece of wood
just waiting for the axe to fall

I know it will be split in two
I don't want the suspense to end

but deeper down I look within
and want to be the tree again

they say
it is always today

but I can guess
what will come next

tomorrow will
be stranger still

and infinitely more complex

every autumn
the same tree
changes shades
different leaves

tick tick tock
like a clock
each leaf falls
only once

one by one
every year
watch each leaf
disappear

and wait here
silently
different winter
the same tree

caress my heart
and brush apart
this impervious surface
you make me nervous

hush
shut up
shush

just a crush
such a rush
so much

touch me like you deserve this

most of the things
that I have heard
are made of nothing more than words
and then with you
the trouble is
there are not any words for this

we have danced
a million kinds of madness
under the same Moon

what is my aim
what is my task
I don't even know
what questions to ask

this is no clear matter
open-and-shut
before I know how
I need to know what

I see you in my shadow
in twisted memories
in certain ways
you are so
familiar to me

but still I find
myself surprised
by what you say
and do

I see your whole soul through your eyes
but
who the **** are you?

it has been raining for so long
I still see the sky through it

how can I trust the sunshine
to be real

I shut the warmth out of my mind
remembering the grey

it will take a little longer
before I let myself feel

I truly want this deep within my soul
but each time I get close
I turn and run

my fingers tremble
inches from the goal
this is the closest I have ever come

I feel like
the sky
one moment before
the lightning strikes

knowing it will go through me

that I will be
electrified

only not knowing
what it will hit
or from which side

words are not weapons
but edgeless abstractions
if you take their words
they will speak with their actions

words are just words
that's all she wrote
if you take their words
they will speak with their vote

my hope is not in you
it is in me
my strength is not a well
it is the sea

I do not need you
                                               to be me
I do not need you
                                                to belong
I do not need you
                                                  to be loved
I do not need you
                                                   to be strong

I was already someone
before I knew you

I didn't always remember

when I read my old poems
I understand her

I know

I love her and
I want to meet her once again

it was all for you
now that my heart is empty
who will it be for?

I am full of rage
I shake my mind awake

rattle it
like a cage

my footsteps are like iron
on the ground

all around
my thoughts are a prison

burn it down

I wish that you would speak to me
I miss you every day
I want to listen to your words
no matter what you say

I'd stand by you
no matter what you do
or how you live

your silence is the only thing
that I cannot forgive

if you think you're the smartest one
it's easier to be outsmarted

you go East for long enough
you'll end up West of where you started

some believe to be extreme
is what makes their position clear

but every single line we draw
is on the surface of a sphere

somewhere
deep down
I make
a

(        (   •  sound •   )        )

but
all you
ever hear
from me is the

•  )              )                    )   echo   (                    (              (  •

watching arrow after arrow
fall from grace like countless sparrows
I don't know what I would do
if I should ever shoot the Moon

I would gain much greater glory
if I could chase closer quarry
but I aim beyond my range
so nothing ever has to change

a hurricane
is broad enough
to contain a calm oasis
│                ☮                │
a tornado is so narrow
it is home to no
safe places