hey hey
it will be OK

someday
you will find your way

it might
not seem
like that tonight

it will be alright
just not today

I built a fortress for my soul
a place where no one else can go
to keep me safe from everyone
a place where I can be alone

but now that no one else is here
I am alone with all my fear
and in my fortress where I hide
there is a monster
deep inside

you are not the only one
who can bring love to me
there are a thousand rivers
I can follow to the sea

changing

maiden - mother - crone

threefold goddess
the same stone

tide to bring us
life and pain

and tide
to wash it all away

not me

apparently
no one

as far as I can see

reflections of reflections
no answers
just echoes of questions

sometimes I look inside my mind
to see what insights I can find

behind the light
with my eyes closed

to see if I can see

who knows

I wanted to believe I understood
I wander in your mind and I am lost

there be dragons
at the edge of your world
and oceans even language cannot cross

I wanted to believe that it was love
writ in the stars
to guide us o'er the sea

a shadow that will never reach the Sun
and all the things I wanted
to believe

one day it is just
grass and branches
last year's leaves
the bones of green

the next day
the whole world in bloom
like winter was
some long cold dream

little singing
birds are bringing twigs
on brightly colored wings

would they bring us
so much joy
if it had been
forever spring?

help me

I pray

I don't know
if you're there

or how many you are

I don't know
if you care

but I ask anyway
just in case you can hear

I don't know what to say to you

help me

I pray

I want to hold your soul
together
keep you warm
and help you cope

but truthfully
for all my hope
I am a feather
in your storm

there are many messages
that I would like to send to you
I have chosen to say nothing
silence is a message too

I ☶☱ the way you say my name
you know just how to play the game
but I would ☶☱ you all the same
I ☶☱ you

I ☰☵ you when you are away
I ☰☵ you almost every day
but you will never hear me say
I ☰☵ you

of all the things I ☷☰ you for
I truly ☷☰ to be ignored
and when you treat me like a *****
I ☷☰ you

I ☳☷ it when you send me texts
I ☳☷ it when you kiss my neck
as close to ☳☷ as I can get

I ☳☷ you

almost morning
eerie quiet
nervous eyes past
shady alleys
sleepy silence
drenched in dewdrops
waiting for the Sun to spark

stone cold storefront
streetlight
bus stop
miles and miles and
just beginning
try to walk past

my thoughts spinning

webs of madness
in the dark

one step
toward the middle
and you will see

how your side
treats people
who disagree

how strange
to see
that we are them

a lot of change
for just
one step

you bring fire
and you bring fear
love that turns my heart to steel

there is so much more out here
so much more
that I can feel

I still wander
the same streets
the same path
through the same night

but without you
this same sky
is suddenly

so full of light

each day I carved part of my heart away
to make                             an empty space
to fit                                           your shape
             how                                           much of the           
                puzzle                                 would I change             
  only so you could be the missing piece?

some people

cut themselves
with knives

burn themselves
with cigarettes

I am not obvious like that
I think instead of act

an inner dialogue
like chess

I set traps for myself

will they believe
there was a time
we kissed our friends
to say hello

and shared
bottles and space
and life

now it all seems so long ago

will they believe
the way we danced
together
in another time

that from this distant new world
might as well be
1999

what part of your soul
makes the choice?

do you have free will
or is it fate?

what if your predictions
create the future

and that's how you decide
which path to take?

time says
GO
I am standing in my row
like a domino

when I wander in your world
black       and       white
but mostly gray

sometimes I forget the way
and I stay more than a day

somewhere far
outside your sphere
there is fire on my horizon

light that cannot find me here

where I go to disappear

this same pain
keeps coming back
all throughout my life

you're not the one
who cut me deep

you are

only the knife

I say
if we had never met
how happy I would be

but for real
somebody else would hold
their own cold steel
to me

this is not worthy of my shame
it's not worth crying for

love is not a numbers game

I won't play
anymore

I loved you

true

but it was wrong


and I learn now

how

to be strong

love and hate
pushing the heart back and forth
like a pendulum

I am the one
to close the door

I did not feel this way
before

my way is full of
mystery

no stars
to light the stormy sea

don't know what I want
don't know what's real and
my mind is reeling
too many feelings

paint a smile
on every mask
for all my friends
pretend
I'm dealing

but deep inside
I want to hide
I want to scream
burn down everything

and yet instead
I keep the fire in my head
and I smile through the flames

so they can't feel my pain

we love the Sun
because it is
so far away

your mind is like
a labyrinth
I want to understand

if I were a chirologist
I'd read it in your hand

if I were an astrologer
I'd read it in the stars

instead I read

between

the lines
to find out who you are

I try to make
my soul
symmetrical

I just want to let you know
I'm not thinking about you
anymore

and that is why
I took the time

to call you on the telephone

our inner light
woven
across the sky

the hidden constellation
of the mind

when we connect the stars
in our eyes

wonder if everyone
can see the sign

I carry your love
through a valley of diamonds
heavy as a stone

this is how I feel about you

what is life?
the question of the future
what does it mean



                                  to live                
         and      
                   to die?                              
                            .                              
    ­    .          
                            
                              
can you save your soul
on the one drive?

what does it mean to be alive?

what life can we recognize
when the void
gazes also

with no eyes?

who is who
and what is what?
O
what a time to be alive

what am I made of?

words and expressions?
matter and energy?
things and possessions?

am I my ideas
and what I have felt?

am I a hand
that has already been dealt?

what am I made of?

force and attraction?
the sum of my equal opposite reactions?

does this all add up
to an identity?

the soul casts no shadow

I am only

me

I am a wave
on a stormy black sea

I am a branch
on an infinite tree

space within space
time within time

two mirrors reflecting
infinite timelines

so much of my ambition and success
is what you motivated me to do
one day I hope I will find someone else
who motivates me just as much as you

this prison has no walls
only the sea
there is nothing you can climb
to be free

VIGILANCE

OBEDIENCE

CONTROL

a cold perimeter
around the soul

the river does not know
why it flows
into the sea

but it can shape the land
like a strange hand

the wind does not know
why it blows
through the trees

but it can turn a mountain
into sand

I am not afraid to love
I am afraid to be loved

Why should this be something
That I am afraid of?

So I can never break your heart
And never show my soul

So you can never say
You do not love me
Anymore

the marks you left on my heart
slowly fade away
a choke chain
broken apart
day by day by day

I used to believe

one day

I will meet my soulmate
and we will love each other
just the way we are

one day

I don't believe that anymore

but it's okay

you came into my life
and I have never been the same

you crossed into my mind
and now my shadow has a name

I burn so bright
when you're with me
and even when you're gone

your darkness follows me
each time I walk toward the Sun

     opposition     yin and yang
        aligned      intertwined

seven  ★ seven
constellations
form one single sign

you haunt the hollows of my soul
and echo like a song

I look back from the Sun
and you have been there all along

you are like a glowing coal
you cannot hurt me
on your own

I am the one
who burns my soul
by choosing not to let you

< go >

if they are right
and it is true
that there are infinite versions of you

the odds that it will happen to you
are the percentage of you
it happens to

but we can never quantify
something that we cannot divide

an arrow on a number line
infinite
undefined

doesn't matter
left or right

they are marching from both sides

I believe
there will be fire
no matter what we decide

either way
they'll say

they lied

take up arms
and take a side

the same storm on all horizons

we are watching
from the eye

if heaven is just
a dream that we dream
a final escape
from reality

a place that we go
in the mind
>  >  nowhere  <  <
in the lightning storm

will I meet you there?

a strange soft silence covers me like snow
like innocence still waiting to be spoiled
but just a little deeper down I know
there hides a solid mile of stone and soil

no tolling bell, no chime to mark the time
no clock, no metronome, no pendulum
only my silent mind that tries to mime
the illusion of equilibrium

I don't feel creative

no

there is no starlight

in my soul


I can lie

or tell the truth

but I am saying nothing

new

When I don't understand the harm
I ask myself
what if I could?

When it seems like a false alarm
I ask myself

Am I the wolf?