I let you get
so close to me
⏵so close⏴   and yet     ⏴so far⏵

apart

I brought you here
to guard the door
so no one else
could touch my
⏶

⏴    heart    ⏵

⏷

The truth is hate is not the death of love
Instead it burns love's heart from pink to red
And love becomes a savage primal thing
        Unholy                                             ­     
           Animal                            
                       Alive                  
                             Undead
             The gentle warmth of love becomes a fire        
That turns it to a monster in the light
And burns the tender feathers from its wings
Which cast their demon shadow
On the night

I don't want to tangle you
up in words
my friend

teach me silence
teach me patience
teach me to pretend

I saw your soul in chains
you looked at me
just like *******

did you take me
for pleasure
or to take away the pain?

sometimes it is
almost obscene
how clearly I
say what I mean

sometimes my words
are so oblique
I might as well
not even speak

and when I give
the truth away
then that is all
I have to say

but where my mind
seems undefined
there's truth in why
I blur the lines

bite the hand

that bids us lie

through our teeth


try to take our words away


we will speak

your soul
is like a vine    
that has                  
twisted                        
itself            
  around
                my heart
                               so many times            
that I can't even
        say how I feel                                    
   anymore                                
and even if            
        I could express
                   my feelings    
       in one
cogent
form      
I have to      
     ask myself
                     what kind of fruit      
                            this union would bring forth

I am always so afraid
that I will go the wrong way

doubt in every step I take

every moment
every day

in the middle of the night
I wake and am consumed by fright

imagining I will be harmed
or that my room is full of bombs
or poison gas
or murderers

I leap from my bed in alarm

it takes some time to become calm

and find myself in dreams again
chased through the streets by evil men
or hiding from the government
a monster
or a hurricane

or just trying to take a test
I know that I can never pass
because I cannot concentrate
or arrived to the class too late

It never ends

There's no escape

I wish that for one single day
I could live my life without fear

No ticking clock
No voice of doubt
No visions of disaster

But the world is turning
It is burning

Faster and faster

And it is clear

We are all afraid
to be
here

I am so afraid
to leave

the only place I know

to let you
lead me to the light

The darkness is my home

I do not want to cause offense

I do not wish to harm

I do not want to hurt your feelings

Or to cause alarm


I do not want to challenge you

Or to make you feel small


I know that you

Don't want me to

Say anything at all


And so I've learned to blunt my tongue

To mitigate my speech

To stretch the space between the lines

As far as it can reach


I censor myself

Without thinking

Every single day


And if I could speak freely

I don't know what I would say

We are God

We are manifestations of God

We are physical manifestations of God

There are infinite numbers

Of infinite God


They are One


Infinite

The reflections of One


Every law

Every force

And reaction is God


Every wave

Every form

And attraction is God


Every mind

Every soul

Every action is God


And the sky is the infinite face of our God


We are God

Only God

We are all the same God

We are all the same and it is all the same God


We are waves in the mind

Of an infinite God


Waves

And fractals

And spheres are the shape of our God


Leading infinitely to an ultimate God

To an infinite regress of infinite God


We are God

We are all

We are all that we are

All in all


We are All

And we are only

God

I have come untethered
like a feather
in the sky

I cannot stay forever
but wherever
will I fly?

the rivers
come together

where the heavens
meet the sea

at the mercy of the weather
for one moment
I am free

spring snows
winter's final throes
fall like feathers
quietly

soft and white
drift from the sky
heaven is a cherry tree

I am beautiful
I have my own unique face
no one is like me

I am terrible
I do things that no one should
no one is like me

I am all alone
no one understands my mind
no one is like me

I am powerful
I can influence the world
no one is like me

oh the irony
realizing these are the things
everyone believes

build a bridge
empathy can walk across
and into your soul

there are infinite
different translations

and together they add up to one

one same story
in all different nations

one same Earth
one same Moon
one same Sun

in our infinite ways
we describe

knowledge
deeper than words
in the soul

in our languages
peoples and tribes

we remember the sky
as our home

Golden Egg
Shine behind the dark Forest
Bright child of the Earth

hey hey
it will be OK

someday
you will find your way

it might
not seem
like that tonight

it will be alright
just not today

I built a fortress for my soul
a place where no one else can go
to keep me safe from everyone
a place where I can be alone

but now that no one else is here
I am alone with all my fear
and in my fortress where I hide
there is a monster
deep inside

you are not the only one
who can bring love to me
there are a thousand rivers
I can follow to the sea

changing

maiden - mother - crone

threefold goddess
the same stone

tide to bring us
life and pain

and tide
to wash it all away

not me

apparently
no one

as far as I can see

reflections of reflections
no answers
just echoes of questions

sometimes I look inside my mind
to see what insights I can find

behind the light
with my eyes closed

to see if I can see

who knows

I wanted to believe I understood
I wander in your mind and I am lost

there be dragons
at the edge of your world
and oceans even language cannot cross

I wanted to believe that it was love
writ in the stars
to guide us o'er the sea

a shadow that will never reach the Sun
and all the things I wanted
to believe

one day it is just
grass and branches
last year's leaves
the bones of green

the next day
the whole world in bloom
like winter was
some long cold dream

little singing
birds are bringing twigs
on brightly colored wings

would they bring us
so much joy
if it had been
forever spring?

help me

I pray

I don't know
if you're there

or how many you are

I don't know
if you care

but I ask anyway
just in case you can hear

I don't know what to say to you

help me

I pray

I want to hold your soul
together
keep you warm
and help you cope

but truthfully
for all my hope
I am a feather
in your storm

there are many messages
that I would like to send to you
I have chosen to say nothing
silence is a message too

I ☶☱ the way you say my name
you know just how to play the game
but I would ☶☱ you all the same
I ☶☱ you

I ☰☵ you when you are away
I ☰☵ you almost every day
but you will never hear me say
I ☰☵ you

of all the things I ☷☰ you for
I truly ☷☰ to be ignored
and when you treat me like a *****
I ☷☰ you

I ☳☷ it when you send me texts
I ☳☷ it when you kiss my neck
as close to ☳☷ as I can get

I ☳☷ you

almost morning
eerie quiet
nervous eyes past
shady alleys
sleepy silence
drenched in dewdrops
waiting for the Sun to spark

stone cold storefront
streetlight
bus stop
miles and miles and
just beginning
try to walk past

my thoughts spinning

webs of madness
in the dark

one step
toward the middle
and you will see

how your side
treats people
who disagree

how strange
to see
that we are them

a lot of change
for just
one step

you bring fire
and you bring fear
love that turns my heart to steel

there is so much more out here
so much more
that I can feel

I still wander
the same streets
the same path
through the same night

but without you
this same sky
is suddenly

so full of light

each day I carved part of my heart away
to make                             an empty space
to fit                                           your shape
             how                                           much of the           
                puzzle                                 would I change             
  only so you could be the missing piece?

some people

cut themselves
with knives

burn themselves
with cigarettes

I am not obvious like that
I think instead of act

an inner dialogue
like chess

I set traps for myself

will they believe
there was a time
we kissed our friends
to say hello

and shared
bottles and space
and life

now it all seems so long ago

will they believe
the way we danced
together
in another time

that from this distant new world
might as well be
1999

what part of your soul
makes the choice?

do you have free will
or is it fate?

what if your predictions
create the future

and that's how you decide
which path to take?

time says
GO
I am standing in my row
like a domino

when I wander in your world
black       and       white
but mostly gray

sometimes I forget the way
and I stay more than a day

somewhere far
outside your sphere
there is fire on my horizon

light that cannot find me here

where I go to disappear

this same pain
keeps coming back
all throughout my life

you're not the one
who cut me deep

you are

only the knife

I say
if we had never met
how happy I would be

but for real
somebody else would hold
their own cold steel
to me

this is not worthy of my shame
it's not worth crying for

love is not a numbers game

I won't play
anymore

I loved you

true

but it was wrong


and I learn now

how

to be strong

love and hate
pushing the heart back and forth
like a pendulum

I am the one
to close the door

I did not feel this way
before

my way is full of
mystery

no stars
to light the stormy sea

don't know what I want
don't know what's real and
my mind is reeling
too many feelings

paint a smile
on every mask
for all my friends
pretend
I'm dealing

but deep inside
I want to hide
I want to scream
burn down everything

and yet instead
I keep the fire in my head
and I smile through the flames

so they can't feel my pain

we love the Sun
because it is
so far away

your mind is like
a labyrinth
I want to understand

if I were a chirologist
I'd read it in your hand

if I were an astrologer
I'd read it in the stars

instead I read

between

the lines
to find out who you are

I try to make
my soul
symmetrical

I just want to let you know
I'm not thinking about you
anymore

and that is why
I took the time

to call you on the telephone

our inner light
woven
across the sky

the hidden constellation
of the mind

when we connect the stars
in our eyes

wonder if everyone
can see the sign

I carry your love
through a valley of diamonds
heavy as a stone

this is how I feel about you

what is life?
the question of the future
what does it mean



                                  to live                
         and      
                   to die?                              
                            .                              
    ­    .          
                            
                              
can you save your soul
on the one drive?

what does it mean to be alive?

what life can we recognize
when the void
gazes also

with no eyes?

who is who
and what is what?
O
what a time to be alive