this experiment was done
not so very long ago
it showed us the way that we
do whatever we are told

they believed they gave him shocks
until he made no more sound
even those who walked away
did not try to shut it down

I think that it goes to show
who we really are inside
not just "them" but all of us
who pretend we could decide

we want to believe that we
have some different kind of brain
NO ONE TRIED TO SHUT IT DOWN
and we follow just the same

we do not love war
for war does not love

we bear our own life
we share our own blood

our power runs deep
deeper than your sword

silence is our violence
we do not need yours

can you feel it

the tension
of the uncertain

a faint electric current
just under the surface
a half second deep

and half sleeping we keep
our third eye
on the timeline

waiting
for the silence to break

she cannot speak
except to growl
to howl
to moan
to shriek

her words
her world
are meat and bone
eyes and thighs and teeth

she races like a wolf
through her sleep
she chases dreams
schemes
pieces of memories
like sheep

I reach out
with my words

does she understand me?

I feel her snarl
across my teeth

life runs deep
and talk is cheap

I have also crawled

Claw on wall
Out of that place

Let me light your way

you hate people
with your whole heart
for what they say
not what they do

you say
I have to hate them too

why is hatred so important to you?

in town
I was surprised to see
the first pink blooms
a cherry tree

so pretty

I was not prepared

I stopped and smiled
I stood and stared

I know we want
to get revenge
but wouldn't we
be just like them

get back at them
talk smack at them
react
and turn our backs on them

this is how everybody thinks
this is how everybody sinks

there is no balancing
the scales

this is how everybody fails

I dreamed that I
was on the Moon

I looked into the sky

where the Sun shined
through ink black night
by the Capricorn sign

and near the Sun
in perfect haunting blue
so still and bright

I saw our world
up in the sky
with all the other lights

I felt it all
to see our planet
so far and so small

I felt that I
was in the sky
I felt that I could fall

with a jolt to the solar plexus
I thought to myself

"That is the Earth
where I belong

and I am somewhere else"

my mind is empty
my heart is full

I love my family and my friends
I sense a new journey about to begin

I am at the balance point

if I ever chose to die
I would never explain why

instead of let my friends
my mother
blame themselves
the world
each other

I would leave no trace
no note
an accident
that's all she wrote

I feel that I can tell you this
because I have chosen
to live

a veil of ice
across my soul
so I control
how much you know

a smooth façade
a cool veneer
that isolates me
from my fear

I am afraid
when you get close
can you see into me?
almost

if you are warm
the ice will break
and take you
to the strangest place

I miss my family
and my friends
I am so far away from them

I hope I'll see them all again
next year

I am so lonely here

each day I try to play a role
in our society

to mimic an image
of what I think they want to see

but deep down
I am savage
I am wild
my soul has teeth

and time and time again
I try to hide that side of me

how could I ever find someone
to love me as a whole

the monsters in my mind
and the maelstrom of my soul?

through all my doubt
I dare to hope
to meet the one someday

who sees the demons in my eyes
and does not look away

slim silhouettes
of onyx trees
the sky is like
a silver sea

light fills the clouds
and overflows
like angels' wings

our brightest stone

I read a poem called God Apparition

and it made me think of this question

Have you ever encountered God?

And what can you tell me about that experience?

The Sun is my clock
And the planets my candles
They shine through the darkness
And into my eyes

The stars are my compass
The Moon is my calendar
When I have questions
I look at the sky

I don't know why
till I look at the sky
I cry and I cry and I cry
only the Moon
only the Moon
drawing my pain like a tide

only the time
only the time
and in time I will forget
until I see
the same Moon again
shining one sign to the left

I think there is something missing
in my head
the way I think
and it makes it hard to obey
even those who wield much power

I think I'm still much the same way
although I have learned to cope
I find ways into submission
lead myself through
proper channels

as a small child I thought this was
why no one could ever love me
and instead of learn to obey
I learned to lose hope

now that I am older
and I have seen the true face of power
I have learned
obedience
is the world's cruelest joke

I just want to dream about
someone who I can step back from

reach out with imagination
and not with my soul

let myself fall into orbit
knowing I can keep my distance

synchronize with your vibrations
not with your control

we are made                                                        of nothing
nothing brought                                           to light
   the dark that fell                    upon the stars  
the darkness               brought to life
in an infinite                   regress
the mind cannot       unwrap
we are made of emptiness
we are                      gods




  of the gaps

God is the creator
Power is its face

Life is the destroyer
That lays its world to waste

Inch by inch
Life creates life
From what it has destroyed

As God without a single thought
Obliterates the void

I wish I believed
that there was more
to sacrifice for
eternal reward

I wish I believed
that if I believe
the angel of death
pass over my door

Close my eyes
Open my mind

I want to understand

Time

A voice says
"I am in all things"

Bright violet light
In my third eye

my mind is a twisted frame
I do not know what to say
all the                    feelings
kept                       inside
are too          tangled
to       transcribe
  undending
    place with        no  
           escape             I do not         
   understand        its shape  
will this illusion disappear
  if my confusion becomes clear?

we are young and we are strong
we can sing and we can run
we have so many different ways
to trade away these golden days

in line
in front of a PC
watching the clock
watching TV

playing pretend
hating our friends
just waiting for it all to end

and in the end what will we miss?
whose lips will we wish to have kissed?
reminisce on this listlessness
will we wish to remember this?

a raindrop falls
a flower blooms

and soon

a forest on the Moon

today we know
only one home

one in forever
once in the blue

the algorithm is so random
I don't understand
what makes something trend

kind of like the real world
isn't it?

the poems here are
really interesting
they come back to me later
like words from a song

whether a dramatic odyssey
or a page
ripped out of your diary

these silent lines really speak to me
out loud in my head
as I read along

hope

\/
a candle in the window

I reach out my hand

I can feel that fire
from where
I stand

out here in the cold

I understand fear
fear says "run"
fear says "fire"
fear says "gun"

fear keeps us alive
if we keep our head
but step away from its brother:
dread

I don't understand dread
dread says "why try?"
dread says "love is fleeting"
dread says "you will die"

that doesn't help me
to survive
I don't want to feel dread
I want to feel alive

back in the day
it was okay
to say
one day
but not today

to wait was not
cause for regret
I did not need
to decide yet

it's fine
I still have time
but I am older
every time I blink

what I miss most
about the past
is having time to think

I might as well
chase the Sun
on and on and
west and west

until
the new day
finds me running

far away
from where I left

I might as well
chase the Sun
west and west

until
the new day
finds me running

far away

scorched earth
battle scarred
annihilation
holy war

I thought nothing could grow here
anymore

but I was wrong

I look at my past
and I look away
that wasn't me
that's what I say

that wasn't me
but if that's so
then tomorrow
who will I be?

it is almost
as if to say
that I only exist
today

I want to stay
I want to be
that's why I must say
that was me

I see what love does
it scares me

I tried to find a way around love

but that hurt more
than the other
kind of
pain

I have to love
it is part of my brain

maybe I can find a way

around the fear

they are
in our sky

our sun
in their signs
our world

in their eyes
we are
in their sky

we are here
in time and space
together
sharing this strange place

where did we come from
will we return
who sent us
and what were we sent here to learn?

do I or don't I
yes or no?
maybe it's better not to know
there is freedom in the dark
one look into my soul
could collapse the
waveform

sometimes I spend too much time
online
it feels so strange
to go outside
and be myself
in front of everyone else
it's hard to forget
that the world has eyes

online I can be anyone
but outside I am one person
exactly one
no avatar and no veneer
not everywhere or nowhere
exactly here

and when I am here
really here
I feel my feelings
hope and fear
love and desire
when I am not numbed by a screen
I am on fire

sometimes it is
too much to feel
too visceral
too bright
too real

and so I spend my time online
afraid to be a human
afraid to be alive

.  
     two        vines    
  wrap          around
each          other
and     grow
together
into
one new
life     form
as                 if
they           had
never         even
known       life
without one
another

I am not                      
        deep like                         
the sea              
shallow    
                       like a              
                                                 ­                   rainbow                                       ­                                                                   I am a            
                                                                ­                wild river          
                                                                ­                      I move       
                                                     ­                        mountains           
                                                                ­    that I follow                     
                                                     standing stones                      
                                                   like broken bones                                
                           ­               show me where to go                          
                                    ­    deep within my soul I know                     
                           the       ocean      is     my      home

if I had a child
I would be afraid
of leaving them alone
with anyone
even me

something could go wrong
there are a thousand ways how

I can see it now

I would always be
afraid

who are you?
who am I?
two reflections
eye to eye

out of time
out of control
staring into each other's souls

fire in the sky
sign from the gods
time forever moving on
some imagine the night beyond
some dance in the light of the setting Sun