i.
remember this, love:
you will always be my first.
but that’s all you are.

ii.
your eyes were made of coal
your skin smelled like forest fires
but there was no spark.

iii.
you loved like the moon;
brightest in the darkest night,
but gone by daylight.

iv.
babe, i could have sworn
our hands fit perfectly well.
were you wearing gloves?

v.
i don’t remember
the first song we listened to.
i remember you.

vi.
we will meet again
when we’re kinder and wiser,
one day, hopefully.

before we say goodbye,
there’s something you should know.

i don’t know what it is yet,
so promise me you’ll find it
once you go.

heart breaker struts around the room
his half-filled drink in hand leaving a trail
he laughs & says “whoever slips, it’s not my fault, okay?”

heart breaker stops in front of me
points a finger and says “you look pretty.”
with uneven eyeliner wings, i ask, “really?”

heart breaker pulls me up for a dance
my knees wobbled as i followed him around
i should have bolted when i had the chance

heart breaker with eyes that rival the night sky
holds me close, his hand at the bottom of my spine
i should escape. i’m running out of time.

heart broken is what i should be when he disappeared at midnight
but it’s no big deal. i’ll be okay. i’ll be fine.
this is exactly what i was looking for; a good time.

he won't write you poetry like neruda or bukowski. he won't ink your name underneath his skin nor will he cut his hair shorter for your mom. he won't stay up with you to read jane austen and hemingway. sometimes all you'll hear from his end of the line is snoring and you'll know he has fallen asleep. again. he won't take you to a romantic dinner every other night. he won't surprise you with a picnic basket on a tuesday afternoon to whisk you away to a spontaneous date on the beach. his hand will sweat sometimes. he will smell like cigarettes and the inside of a Starbucks. he will chew his food loudly and eat with his leg up. he will wake you up in the middle of the night just to tell you about a dream that woke him up. he will do this because he's afraid he'll forget in the morning. he will not get along with some of your friends, your dad will ask you "are you sure?" and your little brother will hate him. he will have acne and blackheads. he won't be around everytime you need him. he won't magically appear just in time to catch after you've tripped down the stairs.

he won't be the guy you keep reading in novels about. he won't be the mysterious, poetry-writing, guitar-strumming, *****-dropping British guy you keep wishing you'd finally meet.

surprisingly, despite of all of this, you will fall for him anyway. because even though you wanted a love story similar to those you found printed in pages, you will realize that they end after a dramatic moment in the airport, or a long romantic make-out session under the pouring rain, or after the one major problem is resolved.

you will realize that nothing comes after for them. what happens after the romantic colors of sunset fade and the darkness takes over?

you will realize that your own story is way better. because even though he talks too loud in libraries and hogs the blanket, he stays. he is there beside you at 2am when you suddenly wake up from a nightmare. you can feel his breath on the back of your neck and his arm around your waist. you can hear him whisper "i love you" and it will be dripping with honesty. and that is more than any fictional poetry-writing, guitar-strumming, *****-dropping British guy can ever do.

the truth is,
I will still hold
your hands even
after they become
wrinkly from
swimming in the
ocean for too
long.