Love is being strangled,

gritting your teeth,

and screaming.

Love is punching a wall

and breaking your knuckles

to release the tension.

Love is feeling

like sinking,

drowning,

spinning completely out of control.

Love is awaiting

praying

for silence to this overwhelming emotion

I’m starting to think about you and I and with clarity
Not with anger, or annoyance, just as two people.
Two people, who once knew each other, but were not meant for each other
Friends, is really the best option. It always was.
It wouldn’tve mattered when it ended, it would have anyways
How blind i was to what was happening and I’m sorry
For everything, but in the end, our end, this is how it was written.

He glanced over at the counter,
Knowing exactly what was there,

This is the only way,

It made sense.
“No...”

The thought circled--

the voice;
"yes, do it baby, nothing is as sweet, everything will be better."

Euphoria.

A deep breath
and another

and another

fury engulfed his being
knuckles hit wall

again

again
again

blood flushed through the newly opened skin

****.
Shaking

The urge was strong

Disabling
He was weak

No match for this devil.

On his feet, he walked to the counter
Reached behind the plywood

His prized casing.

Simple, silver.
Cold.

Freedom.

His hand throbbed
His mind paid no attention

I have you now

You are worthless.
You are mine.

What am I waiting for..

Trembling hands
Another breath.

Concentrate.

These were his best friends
They knew him better than he knew himself

The blades.

Exhale.
Careful.

He lifted one out

Thin
Long

Sharp

Perfect
Freedom

Twirling it in his fingers

Smiling ear to ear
DO IT

He positioned the blade

Held it steady
Pushed

Let it sink into his skin

He threw his head back
A small yelp of pain

No. This is what you wanted, remember

It will make everything okay again
The tip disappeared

The blood gushed
Steady

He dragged it

Slowly
Enjoying every second

destroying himself

bit by bit
Freedom

Almost halfway

Good. It’s deep
He dragged.

Index finger balanced on the side

His thumb grazing his skin
The blade disappeared

Given time

It would become him
right across.

his eyes shut.

The were no tears
He sat in silence

Feeling the blood swim

Instantly.
Dripping down his arm

Onto the floor

AGAIN
the taunt continued

There wasn’t anything left in him

You aren’t worth my time.
Use some of that fat energy, and finish the job

What will they think?

Nobody will miss you
Nobody cares

They’ll be glad to see you’re gone.

The blood didn’t stop
It wouldn’t

This would be the last time.

He picked up the blade.
Again.

It sunk into his flesh like butter

This is for the best
I just can’t

Push

Drag
This wasn’t about self control

This was the end.
Freedom.

A wimper

"Are you happy?"
"Are you?"

A constant battle

Dizziness.
He stood up.

Turned the taps on to hot.

Starred into his own eyes.
The ones he hated so much

The very reason he couldn’t go on
His legs gave out

It seemed like a dream

Crashing.
He hit the floor.

It was over.

Freedom.

Anger, surging within my veins

Bubbling, burning

Clenching fists

Grinding teeth

The acclaimed fury

Fists, screams

Anything to rid of it

But as hard as I try

It never will go away

It may hide,

But I know all too well

One never escapes

"you don’t express emotion very well do you?" he asked

I limply smiled while silently shaking my head.

"It’s easier. Less to worry about when it’s all in your head."

He didn’t quite understand, but he knew to hug her; and that’s exactly what he did.

Little do you know I hear the cracks in your laugh
The falseness in your enthusiasm
The look away when we say go
I’m sad
You’re sad
Please, get better.
I hate to see you like this

I wanted your kiss
I wanted that hot breath on my neck
I wanted your strong fingers bruising my lips
I wanted people to look
I wanted to run my hands through your hair
I wanted you
What the **** have you done

Lying is a funny thing.
Deception becomes easiest.
Who wants to be hurt with with truth when a lie can soften the fall.

Slip of a silver tounge.
Smirk of underserving acceptance.
Who needs to live in this reality when creating it is so much fun.

How do you stop creating.
Existing not truly
Who believes in factuality when nothing is solid in this breath

This isnt some fluffy wonderful fairytale

This is life

And in this life

I’ll never be good enough for you

I can’t do this anymore.
I seriously ******* can’t.

I love you, but you’re completely ripping my body from my soul.
I cannot deal with you, or someone like you.

There is no room in my life.

And every ounce of guilt within me me building up
Boiling over
In anger
Fear
Confusion

You lie
You pretend

Nothings okay.
It was never okay.
You can’t pretend everything fine always, because if you do, everything pops from it’s seams.

Bad **** happened to you.
Unspeakable crimes, that you should never’ve had to go through
But they did
And you let them consume you

Depression.
Cutting.
Suicide Idealization.
Suicide Attempts.

All for what?

To be worse off, than when you started?
To literally depend on a sharp piece of metal.
To allow yourself to slip away from everything?

Friends.
Family.
Lovers.

Nobody will be there for you.

We’ve all tried.
We’ve been there.

I’m not giving up,
you made me quit.

I do NOTHING but help, love, and care
and ALL you do is **** on everything

I can’t be called
a *****
or stupid
ignorant
I cant be asked
"what are you talking about"
or scolded with
" I never said that!!!"
again.

I need to give in
but I’m attached.
and scared.
for you
for me
for life
for everything
terrified actually.

For If I walk, will you crumble?
or would be be stronger?

I don’t think I’d be able to handle either.

I want you to need me
but I can’t be needed.

There’s so many things I need to say to you
There on the tip of my tounge
but they’ll never escape

We sat in silence
Awaiting the traffic light to change

I held my breathe knowing each second that the light was red,
was another guaranteed in your presence

And then the car ****** forward
And I felt as if we were racing
Just like what was going on in my chest

Ill probably never tell you how easy it is for you to make me feel funny things
But I like it
And I like you, a lot.

I am not a petal nor a leaf.
Certainly not centre nor stalk.
Not root nor sun nor soil.
Perhaps I do not belong in this body

Through the past segment
We have grown and conquered all
Life with breathe is peace

Your fingertips reminded me of a match
For whatever they carelessly caressed
You set ablaze without even knowing it.

You have such wicked contol

Over everything

Always

Ignore me

Forget me

Use me

Who cares right?

Once needed,

A smile

A **** promise I’ll believe anyways

I’ll bend over backwards

Do as you wish

Just so you can walk again

I’m stuck

Trapped

I can’t move

Breathe

or escape

And worst of all

You know