The disappointment in her eyes- Rang like a million
church bells, over and over again.

Everything stopped- Frozen in time
Nothing made sense.
Ash and Urn, the unearthed dirt is crumbling now.

Laughing and sighing all at once.

The cathedral spoke to her in whispers,
Sweet whispers, and the shivers ran deep, deep
within her- down to her spine.

It was as though God was speaking to her through the *****
that echoed throughout the hallowed aisles- He spoke, but silently
wept, he wept for her; to understand why she had to go through all
of this again.

Why, is the question she's asked herself-
over and over and over again


The pastor spoke compassionately, with love
in his voice.
He always choked up, in between verse.
For he knew her, and her family's strife.
He too wept, for the once wonderful life, they
all so recently had.

Before that day- Nothing seemed to matter
But now it all faded away- into nothingness

As she wept her silent tears, God promised her
nothing would be the same, "oh sweet child, you have to
let go; rest your fears. You can't keep living and carrying around the pain. Oh deep and genuine pain, give me everything and I will release you. From those shackles, those rusted chains.

And she sighed, knowing he would do just
as he had promised.
She then let go of it all, and nothing was the same.
He walked with her, side by side.

The pastor spoke the last words of his sermon
As they threw ash to the wind- all of the sorrow,
need not burden anyone anymore.

I release you, please take off those chains-
You no longer have to worry, ever again
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Many a tear has shed from these eyes-

Through the years of loving you,
My life hasn't been the same
You have chemically altered the cells
in my heart and brain.
The love and care you've showed me-
knows no bounds.
It’s limitless in shape and form-
spanning thousands of lifetimes.

It is said, you only truly love once
And I have loved you with everything
I am, and everything I aspire to be,
springs from the gratitude and appreciation
I have had of knowing you, of loving you-
Of longing for you, night after night
With no end in sight, I have loved you
With everything I am
And everything I will ever be
My love, my life, my destiny.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

The rain pours heavy on my windowpanes; it is only through the darkness that I realize what pain truly means. The sorrow, the lack of luster in everyday that has changed and I fear for those who do not yet know what madness life brings. It is nothing yet everything to understand what suffering brings. The state of darkness looming upon wake, and when the dreams of your subconscious mind come to life and haunt you day by day, I fear for those who do not yet know real pain. The loss of someone you love being ripped away, so abruptly; worse than a Band-Aid on fresh wounds, so terribly worse than seeing someone you love fall deeper and deeper into the chasm of their own demons, like a well you’re drowning and eventually succumb to frightening disdain. One realizes that everything in life isn't truly the same, change is the only constant in this delirious world of contradicting facsimiles.

You have nothing but hope and faith in this world of detriment. And I hope someday you find what you're truly looking for, whether it be love or the meaning to life. But never forget who you truly are, regardless of the pain and the tears that washed away the innocence of your years and fears. I am truly sorry for what you have endured, but I cannot look back anymore, nor ponder upon those heart wrenching fears you called my own, of which I cannot call my own. You must own them like cheap records, and let them die in the night like the decades of musical loss and dying discords.  You must find yourself in this beautiful world, never give up on everything wonderful. For you are worth much more than words, much more than anything I could ever endure.
© 2014 Christina Jackson