Dearly beloved,
You are an ancient painting filled with radiant colors of wondrous beauty, pleasurable for all to enjoy, yet my hope is for I and I alone to explore and endure. I wish you could see what I see in you. You're afraid to love because you don't think you have much time left, but what if you're wrong? What if all of this is just a test of your strength and when you finally let go of all that is making you suffer you will begin to heal and grow anew. You can only hold on to pain for so long before it devours you whole. It's a senseless practice, practiced every day. You eat up the darkness as though it's your last meal. You aren't disposable or recyclable, you are the embodiment of love and grace. And so I ask you this, why so fearful of loving and being loved in return? Would you rather not have been truly loved in its purest form of elegance and chaos, or take the latter and not be loved or love another at all? We have been denied the right to remember our past lives and whom of which we have loved in those lives. Our days are spent searching and scouring the planet for each other again, without a clue or definitive reason why we are searching, only an insufferable pull that shakes your bones. Knowing you must do this and you'll feel whole again. Yet we do it endlessly until our hearts can no longer endure the pain we have afflicted on it. Self infliction of our own convictions that we truly believe there is someone out there solely meant for us. Someone we fully connect with on a spiritual, mental, and physical level. A thought so deeply ingrained within us that we torture our hearts and souls until we are left with nothing but scars and empty valves and all the blood drained from our lifeless veins.
I wish you could understand you are the light by which sparks my soul, my heart, and inspires me to wake up every day and breathe life into my lungs. This ache encompasses the entirety of my being, and without you I don't know that I could carry on without losing the fundamental tools and skills in my brain to function on a day to day basis. And when I tell you I love you with all that I am and all that I will ever be, I mean what I say. I am not saying it for sake of saying so. These roots you have planted within me run deeper down through my core, implanting a strong hold, blooming leaves and budding flowers as our love grows. Don't you know my dear sweet love, you are everything in this world I could ever ask for or wish to be. You are the mirror reflection I gaze tirelessly in to everyday and I wish not for another mirror, I'd shatter every last one of them if you weren't the image looking back at me.
© 2014 Christina Jackson
Needs some editing and a little work