red wrists,
fresh blood.
God won't be able
to save everyone.

I'm empty.
I need something to fill me up.
Alcohol sounds good, but I don't want to be what my father once was.
A drunk.
Used to be.
One who drinks like there's no tomorrow.
Addicted?
Yes.
Still addicted?
No.

Yesterday,
Well I can't remember yesterday.
I was told I overdosed on sleeping medicine.
I was sick,
in the head.
I hate that I never feel "normal".
I just don't know how,
I need help.
I know she won't care so I will just bottle it up inside,
like I always do...

Lies....
Hurt...
Hate...
Pain...
Stress...
Anxiety...
Depression...
Family problems...
I wonder what tomorrow will bring...

Dear November,
Please remember that I'm not strong anymore.
In December,
I might not be here to see the world.
So please November,
Please help me along.
Open my eyes and show me all the fun,
Let me make new friends and perhaps a lover.
I want to be here to see the summer,
Winter can be such a ******.
Make me happy and don't snow too much,
For cleaning up is such a fuss.
Be good November.

White snow, white lights, happy smiles
Brown mud, mismatched lights, sad eyes
Trees lose their colors, but not their beauty
People lose their money, but not their soul
Cold grass, warm socks
Happy people, sad people

I'm standing on the edge and wondering what it will feel like to hit the soft concrete.
Should I jump forward or fall backwards?
Which is the easiest way to get out of my everlasting pain?
Please dear God fly me away.
I want to live, but I'm scared.
I don't feel comfortable anymore,
I haven't been myself lately.
I'm sad and depressed.
Goodbye world if you don't see me tomorrow,
Just know another was lost to the pain of herself.

Wipe off your makeup
No need to hide
Put down the eyeliner
You look just fine

See that girl in the mirror
See that girl in your mirror
That's you without your mask of powder and blush
That's you without your "face" of golden dust

Look past your face
Look how beautiful your lungs are
Look how gorgeous your heart is
Look at your soul, is it clean and pure?

Now look deeper- into your heart
Your blood pumps through
Wishing that you could restart?
Stop.

Look into the future, stop dwelling in the years that passed
Look at who you will be, not the girl from the years that didn't last
Put down your force field and take off your mask
Today is today and tomorrow will be a new day

I look across the room searching for a familiar face.

I do not see anyone I know, for there is no one.

The shadows that lie on the floor are gone.

I am alone in this dark room.

I hear a laugh, so I follow the noise.

I end up walking into a room full of darkness.

Right then and there I realize I am in the room of demons.

They strike out at my body, but somehow I am not taken over.

Why not?

Because they already trapped me years ago.

It stares at my face.
I glance at it.
It tells me to pick it up.
I do as I'm told.
It tells me that I will be okay,
but only if I slide it across my skin.
I don't know if I should say yes or no so I back away,
until it comes back and haunts me the next day.

She
Appreciates
D**eath

I
Can't
Understand
What
The
Trees
Say
When
I
Hear
Them
Talking
To­
Me

I look in the mirror everyday and stare at myself.
I don't like what I see.
Sad eyes and a fake smile.
This is not how I want my life to be.
Scars and bruises on my body remind me of the past.
Everyday I wait for the future, but I'm afraid I'm getting nowhere fast.

my heart froze,
when i realized that I liked you.

I knew you were bad for me,
but I wanted your attention.

You told me that you liked me,
but it was a game.

I got played
and humiliated.

now I'm ripped open,
wow you really hurt me.

I'm falling, but this is not the first time.

I feel scared like you're always watching me.

Oh how I would love to be with you.

But the darkness holds me back.

I can't fly because I'm paralyzed.

You're the most interesting creature I have seen.

I crave you, but I will not show it.

The beauty is far to great.

It is something you must always appreciate.

I've tried to change so many times...
Please just let me be happy for once in my life...

Bruised love.
Broken hearts.
She flies in heaven.
While he sinks in hell.
I say yes, but you say no.
This is not good, for it's very bad.
My god why do you make me so sad.

I'm crazy
It's true
I always think about you

             How you hurt me
        How you loved me
            The tears, the power

The way you held me
The way I fell for you
I can see that it was a mistake

            But sometimes mistakes are good
      You were good
            You were bad

Hold me
Kiss me
Make me feel something again

I can’t go though one more day,
saying that I’ll be okay.
Holding a blade to my skin,
wondering what if…

I want you to see my pain.
To feel my pain.
To be my pain.
But I also want you to save me.

Tuesday April 11th 2017
00:45
I'm sorry I treat you like crap,
You don't deserve that.
Every time I take a swing,
It comes right back.
Smack,
In my back.
The same song plays,
The music starts to fade.
When it goes away,
There will be nothing in my way.
Only emptiness I can see,
I really wish it was just you and me.
In my arms,
That's where you belong.
Fingers intertwined,
Like branches and vines.
Walks on the beach,
Turns into time under the sheets.

Sunday April 9th 2017
19:19
I would give you the world,
But you still can't find the time.

No
One
Ever
Likes
Me
As
Much
As
I
Like
Them
And
That's
It

I can't get over you
It's true
Seems like the end will never end
The words left unspoken
Still haunt me
I hear your voice constantly
It rings in my ears
From your soft whisper
To your scream
Just let me be
Alone is were I can be myself
So rush out of my head
I've had enough
The pain your beauty has brought me
So just let me be

I went for a walk today.
I walked straight to the beach.
It was dark outside.
It was sunset and I was there to see the sun go to sleep.
I saw a familiar face.
I saw you in the distance walking across the water.
The sun set.
The sun set and all I could think about is you.
It was beautiful.
You are the only thing in my mind and I can’t seem to get you out of it.
It was nice.*
It would have been better if you were with me.

Wednesday March 29th 2017
11:26
How can someone who makes me feel so full,
Be the same person to tear my heart and let me bleed.
So quickly I began,
To feel so empty.


*
again...

I kissed the lips of a devil once
Then I kissed the lips of a saint
They told me that I was beautiful
When I heard this I felt faint
They touched my face softly
Their hands were ice cold
I told them I can't
They told me I can
So I gave in and
Then I kissed them again

Thursday March 22nd 2017
08:10
the beautiful smile you see
will soon be washed away
as it slowly degrades
you will start to see the pain
the hurt will scream
I do not want to lose you
as you grip to my arm
don't be alarmed
the storm will pass
the pain will not last

Monday April 17th 2017
21:21
I play the game of life and death
Driving down dimly lit roads
Eyes closed, holding my breath
Wondering what's next
To live in a constant state of sadness
Or to die and to be put to rest

Open my eyes and I only see lies;
Open my eyes in the morning, where are the butterflies?
Open my eyes and I only see light;
Open my eyes in the night, where did the day go?

I am who I am because of my drunken word “no” and his hands. I am who I am because they tell me I will never be good enough. I am who I am because when I watched her bleed in the hospital I told myself that this is not how I wanted to die.

when I looked at her,
she looked away.
and that was the moment,
my heart began to break.

Tuesday March 28th 2017
21:28
Even when the tides change,
I know my heart will feel the same.

When I lay in my bed the first thought in my head is, "I wish I was dead."  Trust me you are better off without a crazy girl that has lost control of everything she knows.

My dead weight slowly sinks farther and farther down in the sea. Where the bottom is just out of reach. I can no longer see, for I have fallen blind.

Lost consciousness, nowhere to go.

Slowly spiraling out of control.

Friday March 31st 2017
23:07
I wish I was kissing you,
Instead of missing you.

And even in a sea full of people,
I find that something is missing.
And even in a sea full of people,
I find myself searching for air.
Even in a sea of people,
I feel alone.
I feel empty,
Where did you go?

I'm your ***** little secret
You talk to me as if I still mean something
In person you barley throw me as much as a glance
One would never know how I touched you
How you told me that I was special
How you kissed my body
One would never know how you left me alone
All by myself to walk back to my car in the dark
You wanted to be with your friends partying
You never really cared for me anyway