I am who I am because of my drunken word “no” and his hands. I am who I am because they tell me I will never be good enough. I am who I am because when I watched her bleed in the hospital I told myself that this is not how I wanted to die.
I was never warned about the beautiful girl I would one day meet.
I wish I knew that she would sweep my off my feet.
Her smile her eyes everything feels so right.
Whether she is my soulmate as a lover or friend.
I want her in my life forever.
Open my eyes and I only see lies;
Open my eyes in the morning, where are the butterflies?
Open my eyes and I only see light;
Open my eyes in the night, where did the day go?
I'm your ***** little secret
You talk to me as if I still mean something
In person you barley throw me as much as a glance
One would never know how I touched you
How you told me that I was special
How you kissed my body
One would never know how you left me alone
All by myself to walk back to my car in the dark
You wanted to be with your friends partying
You never really cared for me anyway
I see his face every night before I go to bed.
That’s why I’m so tired. I can’t sleep because the nightmares make me toss and turn. I just want it to go away; I want my memory erased.
When you told me it was over I still had hope
I had no idea that it was the end of something that just got started
When you told me it was over I felt my stomach cave in
I felt a sword slide through my chest
When you told me it was over I cried
I collapsed as I read a text message where you said why
It took months to recover from your electronic words
Finally today I have erased you from my life
No longer do I hold onto the words that you have said
How you loved my eyes and that we should lay together in bed
You said that you felt warm, calm and safe when you were in my arms
So why did you ever leave them and go out into the scary world
Why did you go and hurt me just because you were hurting
Yes put yourself first, but there are nicer ways to say goodbye
Cold glances from across a room of silence was all I got
But today I burned the house you build in my head I tore it to shreds
You took how good I was to you for granted
Buying you random gifts and opening the car door
Just know you might never find someone like me again
Someone who would only ever support you and hold your hand
All I wanted to ever do was hold your ******* hand
Was it that hard to believe that someone could love you
Was it hard because you are so broken
I was the glue, but you didn’t know that I was strong enough to hold you together
All I ever wanted was for you to open up
And all you ever did was shut me down and close me up
Out of order
Out of service
When I got very sick you weren’t there
When you were upset I was always there
You claim to be so caring, but it’s all in your head
You don’t know the first thing about love and what a shame I said
If you did you would have noticed the scars on my arms
And the bruises all over my body
You would have seen how my smile fades so quick
And heard all the fake laughs
All you cared about was yourself
So thank you for leaving me
I hope you get better soon
I hope you learn to treat your next girlfriend with love and respect
When I lay in my bed the first thought in my head is, "I wish I was dead." Trust me you are better off without a crazy girl that has lost control of everything she knows.
My dead weight slowly sinks farther and farther down in the sea. Where the bottom is just out of reach. I can no longer see, for I have fallen blind.
Lost consciousness, nowhere to go.
Slowly spiraling out of control.
and I can't stop seeing you in my dreams
every night you walk into my head
I dont know how to make you leave
so sad will be the day
but you already forgotten me
so why can't I forget you too
She was the sun and I was the moon
I tried my best to keep up but she kept on moving
She didn't have a moment to stop and breathe
I chased after her trying to catch a glimpse of her beauty
She stumbled but always pushed forward
I followed her running around the Earth
She didn't have a moment to stop
I fell in love with her and with the chase
when I looked at her,
she looked away.
and that was the moment,
my heart began to break.
Tuesday April 11th 2017
I'm sorry I treat you like crap,
You don't deserve that.
Every time I take a swing,
It comes right back.
In my back.
The same song plays,
The music starts to fade.
When it goes away,
There will be nothing in my way.
Only emptiness I can see,
I really wish it was just you and me.
In my arms,
That's where you belong.
Like branches and vines.
Walks on the beach,
Turns into time under the sheets.
I went for a walk today.
I walked straight to the beach.
It was dark outside.
It was sunset and I was there to see the sun go to sleep.
I saw a familiar face.
I saw you in the distance walking across the water.
The sun set.
The sun set and all I could think about is you.
It was beautiful.
You are the only thing in my mind and I can’t seem to get you out of it.
It was nice.*
It would have been better if you were with me.
Monday April 17th 2017
I play the game of life and death
Driving down dimly lit roads
Eyes closed, holding my breath
Wondering what's next
To live in a constant state of sadness
Or to die and to be put to rest
Sunday April 9th 2017
I would give you the world,
But you still can't find the time.
I would love to roll over in bed,
My face next to your head.
Staring into your beautiful eyes,
As I touch your inner thighs.
Tuesday April 4th 2017
I could just stop talking
no one would even notice.
everyday I find myself asking the same question
"am I good enough?"
everyday I answer this the same
"just give up already"
everyday I choose to live until the next
*"why am I still here?"
Friday March 31st 2017
I wish I was kissing you,
Instead of missing you.
Thursday March 30th 2017
If only you could see how beautiful you are in my eyes...
Wednesday March 29th 2017
How can someone who makes me feel so full,
Be the same person to tear my heart and let me bleed.
So quickly I began,
To feel so empty.
Tuesday March 28th 2017
Even when the tides change,
I know my heart will feel the same.
And even in a sea full of people,
I find that something is missing.
And even in a sea full of people,
I find myself searching for air.
Even in a sea of people,
I feel alone.
I feel empty,
Where did you go?
Sunday March 26th 2017
Hold my glare for a minute more
Touch my lips and pull me close
Scratch my back until I bleed
Heaven wasn't made for people
like you and me
Thursday March 22nd 2017
the beautiful smile you see
will soon be washed away
as it slowly degrades
you will start to see the pain
the hurt will scream
I do not want to lose you
as you grip to my arm
don't be alarmed
the storm will pass
the pain will not last
im still broken
and you get to be whole again
i dont have friends
you were mine
i gave up everything to be with you
i gave up everyone to be with you
i just wanted to run my fingertips through your hair
but you left me
why am i still broken
why do you get to be whole
I kissed the lips of a devil once
Then I kissed the lips of a saint
They told me that I was beautiful
When I heard this I felt faint
They touched my face softly
Their hands were ice cold
I told them I can't
They told me I can
So I gave in and
Then I kissed them again
I can't get over you
Seems like the end will never end
The words left unspoken
Still haunt me
I hear your voice constantly
It rings in my ears
From your soft whisper
To your scream
Just let me be
Alone is were I can be myself
So rush out of my head
I've had enough
The pain your beauty has brought me
So just let me be
I always think about you
How you hurt me
How you loved me
The tears, the power
The way you held me
The way I fell for you
I can see that it was a mistake
But sometimes mistakes are good
You were good
You were bad
Make me feel something again
Wipe off your makeup
No need to hide
Put down the eyeliner
You look just fine
See that girl in the mirror
See that girl in your mirror
That's you without your mask of powder and blush
That's you without your "face" of golden dust
Look past your face
Look how beautiful your lungs are
Look how gorgeous your heart is
Look at your soul, is it clean and pure?
Now look deeper- into your heart
Your blood pumps through
Wishing that you could restart?
Look into the future, stop dwelling in the years that passed
Look at who you will be, not the girl from the years that didn't last
Put down your force field and take off your mask
Today is today and tomorrow will be a new day
You make me:**
I can’t go though one more day,
saying that I’ll be okay.
Holding a blade to my skin,
wondering what if…
God won't be able
to save everyone.
I want to make everything disappear.
Will you help me my dear?
Fly with me and let's see,
Everything that we can be.
Be my light and show me the way,
To a place we call space.
White snow, white lights, happy smiles
Brown mud, mismatched lights, sad eyes
Trees lose their colors, but not their beauty
People lose their money, but not their soul
Cold grass, warm socks
Happy people, sad people
I look in the mirror everyday and stare at myself.
I don't like what I see.
Sad eyes and a fake smile.
This is not how I want my life to be.
Scars and bruises on my body remind me of the past.
Everyday I wait for the future, but I'm afraid I'm getting nowhere fast.
my heart froze,
when i realized that I liked you.
I knew you were bad for me,
but I wanted your attention.
You told me that you liked me,
but it was a game.
I got played
now I'm ripped open,
wow you really hurt me.
Family? Not really.
Criticism is all they give me.
They rip at my flesh and tear at it until all you can see my bones.
I am open to new wounds.
I'm vulnerable to everyone including myself.
I rarely get complements.
And affection.. well I don't remember the last time we hugged.
It hurts to know that my relationship with my family is slowly fading away.
I know my life isn't the worst, but it isn't the best either.
Well I can't remember yesterday.
I was told I overdosed on sleeping medicine.
I was sick,
in the head.
I hate that I never feel "normal".
I just don't know how,
I need help.
I know she won't care so I will just bottle it up inside,
like I always do...
I need something to fill me up.
Alcohol sounds good, but I don't want to be what my father once was.
Used to be.
One who drinks like there's no tomorrow.
I've tried to change so many times...
Please just let me be happy for once in my life...
It stares at my face.
I glance at it.
It tells me to pick it up.
I do as I'm told.
It tells me that I will be okay,
but only if I slide it across my skin.
I don't know if I should say yes or no so I back away,
until it comes back and haunts me the next day.
I'm standing on the edge and wondering what it will feel like to hit the soft concrete.
Should I jump forward or fall backwards?
Which is the easiest way to get out of my everlasting pain?
Please dear God fly me away.
I want to live, but I'm scared.
I don't feel comfortable anymore,
I haven't been myself lately.
I'm sad and depressed.
Goodbye world if you don't see me tomorrow,
Just know another was lost to the pain of herself.
I want you to see my pain.
To feel my pain.
To be my pain.
But I also want you to save me.
Please remember that I'm not strong anymore.
I might not be here to see the world.
So please November,
Please help me along.
Open my eyes and show me all the fun,
Let me make new friends and perhaps a lover.
I want to be here to see the summer,
Winter can be such a ******.
Make me happy and don't snow too much,
For cleaning up is such a fuss.
Be good November.
If I take a knife
and place it into my heart
would you even care?
She flies in heaven.
While he sinks in hell.
I say yes, but you say no.
This is not good, for it's very bad.
My god why do you make me so sad.