You have entered my mind
I'm trying to give it time
But you've set up camp in my subconscious
Playing tricks and chopping me down
Bringing me to a state of vulnerability
So people will think you're winning somehow
Well you've got me
I'm losing control
I know you've been watching
But to you its not old
It's just beginning
Can you please let me sleep one night
Without sending me images that make me scream
If you hurt the ones I love
You will be the one who bleeds
I know you are underestimating me
Just like I underestimated you
You might of got past the cameras
But my eyes are set on you
Push me one more time
And I won't stay in line
The thoughts in my head would make even the toughest man cry

I’m up before the sun most days

Drinking instant coffee and debating with myself

I write out all my thoughts and no conclusions come to mind

The phone rings off the hook but no one calls

I leave the house but never go outside

And every wall remembers what I’ve done behind fresh paint

No grounds for or from

I sleep before the dawn, between the lines

I gasp for air

But find none there

And try to find

Some piece of mind

As spiders weave

And sweethearts leave

From all the lies

Behind our eyes.

I scream your name

You stay the same

Silent as the setting sun

Lethal as my loaded gun

As children play

And secrets stay

Locked up tight

And out of sight.

I sing a song

So I feel strong

And watch the tears

Fall through the years

As fathers leave

And mothers grieve

I stay a stone…

I stay alone.

"She's cured!"
Then how come my mind still screams
"You fat disgusting pig"?
And I still cringe every time I hear your name?
How come I still etch red tally marks on the top of my thighs
And, I still keep the pills
In a bottle under my dresser
And they still call my name begging me to take them
all at once with a big swing of whiskey
Why am I still counting every calorie
And drowning my sorrows with the sting of alcohol?
Is this what its like to be cured?

when they told me to define perfect
all i thought of was you
but i cried
punished myself -  i stood there and swore
because deep down i knew, you were always so much more.

the thing that i miss the most,
is the moment
that never even happened.