I
sat and I waited for you
with my skin crawling
many nights I looked into
the mirror
and I didn't recognize her
She was someone new
Someone desperate and broken
into a million pieces
The Culprit Was You
you brought forth misery
wrapped expertly with a
bright red bow
camouflaged and putrid
with your tarnishing love
it was a beautiful trick I must admit
you are quite the magician
you created trust
transformed it to dust
then made it disappear
with the blink of an eye
you forced love to die
with no arrangement of a funeral
I sat and I waited
many nights I contemplated
on ways to make it even
closure is what I needed
but my love for you was too strong
and you made it cry
the mistreatment you delivered
made love die
but my heart still beats
and still I remained
broke, busted, and disgusted
All of my fortitude invested in you
and you imposed it upon me
such potent ammunition in your grasp

you controlled me

to be your slave
while you swam nights in vain
I stayed in and prayed
for direction for protection
I would pray that your heart would fall
into my hands
and God told me to be patient
but
I can't
every moment had to be filled
with you
you are my filling
and I was your crown
pauperized by love's cavity
sleepless nights indulged
by the whispers of my mind
painting sweet stories
covered and blurry
except
my focal point was set on you
my thoughts left me at times
in spite of you

I didn't bother to pursue
how foolish of me
I was stupid
in love with you
meta-morphed to ignorance
in-cognizant of my worth  
I left it at the creek
in my dream
where I sat
in thirst
where I washed my hands
in the glistening water
and laid my worries
in the white snow
but in reality
you know my inner child
only you see my inner core
so tell me how could I
love someone else?
who could ever love me more?
than the man who knows
me.
in
and
out
your the man who accepts me
out
and
in
your the man who adore me
internal
and
skin
consequently
there's no love in me
to love another

again*



                                Copy Right 2014
                                     ©Patty Ann

You feel you're invincible
being that your sanity is uncontrollable
strolling around with your shoulders past the birds
past the planes
your ignorance succeeds in innumerable ways
your sight is weak
your mind is enable to capture
it's buried under life's adversities and Earth's pleasure
you don't know when to stop so you flood yourself
until you're lame at your ankles
and paralyzed in your emotions

you wend through life this way
well you try
stuck in misery
with no lane to merge
frustration is your best friend
a human is impossible and
incapable of the acceptance
your belittlement draws mankind away
no one wants to attend a pity party
unless their accompanied to your VIP
and to reserve
you are the one to RSVP

Enlighten heads will stray away
pessimism is a curse
rapidly spread by the weak
you have distress and frustration
suppressed
strangled screams
holds your eyelids open at night
deliberations controls your emotions
controls your feet
throughout the day
you are terrified of tangibility
so you indulge yourself excessively
burying your true identity
becoming irritable when bearing your sober mind

if only you knew how divine you are
you would grow to love yourself
in ways incompetent of how you could love so hard
look yourself in your eyes
find who you are
even if you have to savagely search
you'll see the soul people has grown to
love so much
you'll notice your beauty
that covers endless realms
or your strength that could hurl a boulder
No one can help you discover
your destiny
it's your journey you'll have to make alone
but during the expedition and constant footsteps
the process of elimination could be your guide

find your inner child
it can help your prevail that's
where you once had happiness
your joy was established there
because if you continue the silencing
of your heart's cries and
your soul's screams
you'll live a life analogous to hell
and that is

a nightmare's worst dream



                Copy Right 2014
                     ©Patty Ann

I love you
I know I do
But I can't feel it
The numbness has reached my heart
No matter how hard I try
No feelings break free
They're lost somewhere
In the darkness

I don't know how else to put it
I don't have words to explain
It's just these chemical imbalances
I hope you'll understand
I love you
I really do
I just can't always find it

The days that are the worst
Are when I feel nothing at all
Not exactly low
Just numb

That's what depression does to you
A cancerous numbing
Slowly spreading
Until your whole brain goes cold

Trying any remedy
To feel something again
But it's too late
I've already lost all feeling

I'm no longer living a life
I'm just simply existing

You said you wanted to know,
How you appear through another's eyes.
I wonder though, how YOU see you,
How much of what I see is a disguise.

Well,

I want to tell you how you taste,
Of cool rain and fire.
With petalled lips and milky skin,
Flushing crimson with desire.

Sometimes I can hear the soft notes of the music that moves you,
Dancing along parted lips.
Spilling secrets and an incandescent light,
Celestial parts, that you'd normally eclipse.

Sometimes you seem far off,
Battling monsters beneath the surface.
Externally calm, like the eye of a storm,
While the rest of us play part in life's circus.

Sometimes I want to trace your scars,
Which only tell truths in part.
And cannot even begin to tell,
Of the scars criss-crossing your heart.

..and still, delicate, like intricate lace,
Following the curves of your figure.
Woman, you are beautiful!
I'm not sure how you can't see that in your mirror.

I do not know your story,
The things that you have seen.
But I can see you've earnt your armour,
Placed around you like a screen.

So, please forgive this, a glimpse of how I see.
You, your being, your purpose.

And despite all these things,
There's untold more beneath your surface.