Sometimes I wish I'd never opened the door to motherhood
Because its tearing me apart that there's going to be just as many last times as there were first times.

I wish I could freeze these moments
To live in them again,
If not forever.

I cherish holding your tiny feet while they still fit in my hand
As you sprawl out on the couch
And for now,
Lay on me to feel safe.

Silence can spread cracks through my heart.
Loneliness like the pressure on broken glass until it finally breaks.
There is no solution for this kind of ache.

My mind blank and my chest slowly heavying,
I stare at a bright white screen
Looking for my remedy.

The same scroll and click, scroll and click.

Close.

Reopen,

Refresh,

Re-scroll.

I can't stop.