I kissed a boy
I had no feelings for
because his drugs
made me forget
about the boy who
took all my feelings
with him.

I see myself in a bar on a Wednesday night
making love to a gin and tonic
with smeared lipstick and blurred vision.
I see myself selling my soul to typewriter dreams
and guitar chord nightmares,
praying somebody will just listen.

I see myself packing my bags in eleven minutes flat
and taking the 6:00 train to a neighboring town
before he even knows I left.
That night the walls will receive the bruises
that were specially saved for me.
I see myself smelling her perfume on his
couch pillows and wondering if I made a mistake.

I see myself joining the 27 club up in heaven,
and asking Janis Joplin how she did her hair
and sharing a drag with Kurt Cobain.
I am seventeen years old,
and I'm trying to make a path for my future,
but I'm scared I won't be able to take a single step.

tonight i wanted to
paint wings across
your shoulder
blades.

not a poem but something that have been stuck in my head since four years ago*

High school was never easy.
Even the happiest person said that they have a bad memories in high school.
They get bullied
Some people would said that I should treasure everything that happened in my high school life.
I know. IVE TRIED SO HARD.
But I cant.
Folks in high school are weird.
Not that weird. They're...... 'weird'..
They're full with hatred
-full with negatives vibes
-full with idk why the heck they want to bad things to other people.
For me, I dont know.
I dont enjoy anything
Everything looks so depressing
Full of hate..
I tell you
I've been trying.
And its my fourth year now
Trying to be positive
Trying to understand everyone in the school
But
I think.. This things cant be help no more.

Everytime I walked into my school
My depression level increase to level 99
My loneliness can be felt..so clear
My self-esteem drop like hell

High school even teach me not to trust everyone.
-people always leave no matter what why when or how.

No wonder some people killed themself
-some kid do selfharm
-some students would ditch school
-some people do drugs just to run away from the school probs

Idk is it just me or what

Oh gosh.. I wish I can just scream at them in their face.

Sometimes I wonder if I like being tragic
And utterly and mysteriously broken.
I can't decide if I'm beautifully tragic,
Or tragically beautiful,
Or just a ******* selfish wreck.

Everyone hopes that they are broken,
Because if you're broken
That means that there is a cure,
A treatment,
A medication,
A program that can fix you.
If you're broken,
Then someone can make it stop.
The real fear is that you're fine,
And it can't get better.
The real fear is that this is normal.
It really hurts this much to lose a friend,
To move,
To not get the job,
Or to get the job.
Just to feel so sad and scared and disorientated.
It is all completely normal,
And you can't fix it.
No one fears being broken,
You can make that stop.
It's the real ability to feel pain that you can't change,
And that is terrifying.