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Jul 2015 · 473
floater
Celeste Jul 2015
im stuck between what my mind and heart wants
nothing seems to be in its right place
or maybe im just never meant to be anywhere that i happen to be
my mind is always caressed by clouds and burned by the vocalists of the earth
words are as scorching as the rays of the sun and my writs are itching once again

and im scared im scared im scared this world is not for me
Dec 2014 · 1.1k
succubus
Celeste Dec 2014
ignore the words
that scatter through my mouth

instead let me paint you a story across your lips
my tongue is the paintbrush that will reveal the secrets behind my scars

let me inhale the life that is within you
let our breath become one, allow my heart to finally steady

let's explore the rythm of each others' bodies
and i'll sing you the song that i can't ever remember the words to

instead of bleeding, let's exhaust our lust
and sweat out the bleakness that dominates our hours of the night

taste the desires that linger within the gaze of my eyes
they speak more than my words can ever say
Dec 2014 · 464
TECHnical DILLEmma?!
Celeste Dec 2014
this life is based on impermanence
i'm flailing through the sea of screens that demand attention
my eyesight is wasted on things that don't exist
and my thoughts are plagued by lies
that block the words of my surroundings

i won't remember much
this life is based on fleeting pleasures
i'm willingly sacrificing my mind
to a soulless machine

society is built upon a parallel universe
meant to close the boundaries between us
but it seems that it deepens the gap that exists
with those that are on our either shoulder

i may not be completely brainwashed yet i'm struggling to find the clean air
Dec 2014 · 398
reflection
Celeste Dec 2014
i may be "real"...

     but i sure as hell don't know what i want
but
Nov 2014 · 287
turmoil (10w)
Celeste Nov 2014
and still i wonder what it takes to be better...
Nov 2014 · 342
high in the sky
Celeste Nov 2014
my mind is enveloped within clouds
everything reaches me through a clouded veil

not present on earth; i'm not like all of you
speech is forced and muscle contractions carefully controlled

i don't understand, and i feel so separate, i can't find myself
and you all just laugh while i'm slowly floating away

lately i don't want to be anywhere near the ground
i'll come to terms with my eyelids kissing the raindrops
Oct 2014 · 293
waterlogged
Celeste Oct 2014
just when i believe
that i'll break through the glassy surface of the water i'm trapped beneath
and finally get a breath of fresh air
some part of you pulls me back under
i hate admitting that i find you suffocating
my head at times feels like its about to explode from the pressure
i've been underwater too long
and my mind has become too accustomed to murkiness
the calm exterior only hides the fact that i'm slowly drowning
but i'm killing my lungs like you do
so perhaps we both are drowning since we can't breathe
but i'm losing myself in fantasies and drugs while you lose yourself in pretty girls
and i keep feeling myself being pushed further beneath the water...

i'm forgetting how to swim.
Aug 2014 · 314
i'm not a smoker
Celeste Aug 2014
but i think that i'm as addicted to you as you are to Marlboro's
quitting you cold turkey was a ******* mistake i'm left with these cravings
that make my veins itch and my body feels like it's full of cement
i cant help but think of you at night when only white noise lies with me when it used to be you with your arms wrapped around me
but when i wake up you are the first thing i think of and you aren't there anymore even though i chose to leave you since i thought you were toxic like the tar that coats your lungs but now im struggling to breathe easily anyway
it doesnt make sense to be full of emptiness but i can somehow feel it in my chest and i cant even take a hit off of you because i am not the cigarette that gets to  touch your lips
and like quitting smoking everyone has said i'll be healthier without you but my mind is feeling so sick despite the smile painted on my face
i wonder if you think of her...i wonder if you still think of me
you said you ****** it up but i miss you i miss you i miss you that's all there is to it
Jul 2014 · 363
duality
Celeste Jul 2014
i love listening to words spill
from uncaring mouths
the way they temporarily cease the bombardment of harsh winds
within my consciousness
and
i love  having the pressure from lungs removed
and to be able to intake oxygen as easily
as the the trees within the forest

but sometimes i hate the sleep that plagues my eyes
when there's a world to see
and i hate the letters my heart receives from my mind
with the scalding words that dull my senses
in the midst of an utterly sensational universe
Jul 2014 · 494
the infernal comfort zone
Celeste Jul 2014
sharp shots to the nerves
helping to dissipate the numb that
infects the core

footsteps creeping forward
approaching something
that appears to look like better stories

faces painted for the daytime
keeping the moments predictable but
leaving the hearts yearning for chaos in the nighttime
Celeste Jun 2014
you were the shot of adrenaline
that drenched my veins with coursing fire
i couldn't eat and sleep
i guess my body couldn't handle the high gained from the thoughts of you

now you aren't there
and i'm crashing hard and fast
the alternatives aren't working
and i can't stop thinking thinking thinking
wondering why you told such addicting lies

you heightened my anxiety
in an oddly pleasurable (and perhaps masochistic) way
now i'm suffering from the pangs of withdrawal
without closure i'm left craving more
depression has seemed to be the only consistent company i've had
no thanks to you

and i ******* hate how i still love the sound of your name
i feel like this is crap but it's honest for the moment
May 2014 · 241
The Promise
Celeste May 2014
Your body shall fix
What you your mind sought to destroy
Scars are hard to accept but they show that you've healed
May 2014 · 221
Wanderer (10w)
Celeste May 2014
And still I am searching in all the wrong places...
But for what?
May 2014 · 665
Cold shoulder
Celeste May 2014
When the tension
Between us
Encompasses this air-conditioned atmosphere
As oppressivley as the Texan summer heat
Outside our window

I avoid your eyes
And I dare not say your name
Celeste May 2014
You scent
Is now the only thing
That sleeps with me
Beneath the sheets

I can't wake up
You linger within my dreams
Which have learned to lie
Too well

Beneath my eyelids
My mind busily paints a fantasy
That is much more vivid and pleasant
Than the world where I know you're gone

Maybe I'll just keep my eyes shut...
Apr 2014 · 687
Afterwards
Celeste Apr 2014
we wouldn't
feel the pressure
to say the right thing

the symphony of our breathing
intermingling, then synchronizing
becoming one
would speak every word our awkward tongues
are too inexperienced to say
silence can be golden
Mar 2014 · 418
precious (15w)
Celeste Mar 2014
loneliness
knows my insecurities,
using them
as a weapon
to keep me
all to itself
def not my best but i needed to get something out.....
Mar 2014 · 236
Phases
Celeste Mar 2014
The stars
Do not always need
The moon's presence
In order to shine.
Feb 2014 · 383
Americana
Celeste Feb 2014
Bathed in the glow of street lamps
We catwalked through the red dusty streets
With short sleeves
And even shorter shorts
Displaying our scars to the night and the stars
The atmosphere was liquid and dry
Quenching our thirst for change
And parching our egos

We barely remembered our names
We were ****-faced  off of life
Feb 2014 · 660
I am not grounded
Celeste Feb 2014
But with you right beside me
Even lying on the floor
Feels more like drifting through the sky

     (You are not my anchor,
     You are my pilot  through the clouds)
Celeste Feb 2014
Right now
It's hard
To feel
Inspired by
The emptiness
Jan 2014 · 643
i keep seeking out a label
Celeste Jan 2014
it comes every other day
unlike the tide, with its constant ebb and flow
glad to be awake and glad to be with people
transforms into wishing to sleep for eons and wishing to depart from existence
does that diminish the authenticity of the matter?

i'm always able to laugh
no matter the level of stupidity or simplicity the joke contains
my best quality, i've been told
apparently laughter is the best medicine
so are those that laugh the most attempting to medicate their sadness?
Jan 2014 · 837
assumptions are dangerous
Celeste Jan 2014
floating off
your words of encouragement

     "i look forward to reading your published works one day"

i've never allowed my mind the chance
to seriously entertain the thought
besides, i have a hard time swallowing criticism
despite my usual self-deprecating dialogue

they say assumptions are dangerous
yours especially
they hold the potential power to open new doors in my life
i hate school but love my teachers
Jan 2014 · 284
Untitled
Celeste Jan 2014
The worst kind of loneliness
Is when you crave the company
Of an individual who has yet to exist in your world
Dec 2013 · 800
Bottled Up Thoughts
Celeste Dec 2013
I'm afraid to admit
That I crave your lips to split me open
Spilling forth every unevoked feeling and emotion
Into an uncontainable flood
That I wouldn't know how to control

I'm afraid to admit
That your exposing eyes
Appear to know my secret
That i do not revel in the loneliness
And all too often my laughter is a lie

I'm afraid to admit
That with you I'd be willing to change
Together we would cross every line, then burn it to ash
And I would never look back
To see if anyone was watching me
For I would no longer care
Dec 2013 · 354
The Influence of Your Light
Celeste Dec 2013
My mind has too fond a latch
On complacency with sadness
You wouldn't want me to hurt myself
Or hate my mind
Would you, Little Love?
I want to make the promise
To end such things
Yet it terrifies me
I am afraid to grow
It lets in more room for pain, if possible
Yet you brought a light into my world that I believe can combat it.

Though you are free from pain and therefore free from this life,
I must hold onto the influence of your light.
My niece died the day after Christmas. She was very sick but I have to believe she is resting peacefully now.
Dec 2013 · 726
Hope
Celeste Dec 2013
Felt through an aching throat
And burning eyes
Smeared makeup
And uncontrollable cries
Dec 2013 · 493
Little Love
Celeste Dec 2013
It's amazing
As if your tiny innocent being
Possessed a sense of inner peace
Beyond the power of the known
My niece had a liver transplant today and before she went into surgery she was so happy and smiley
Dec 2013 · 249
Reversed Medicine (10w)
Celeste Dec 2013
You can't cure a sick mind with a broken smile
Dec 2013 · 383
I usually enjoy the quiet
Celeste Dec 2013
i reach and extend in the dark
until my bones creak
break
then snap
under the weight of your silence
bitterly shattering  the void

(i miss the music of your words)
Dec 2013 · 293
hard bought wisdom
Celeste Dec 2013
you taught me to learn from the sadness
not sure if this title is grammatically correct
Dec 2013 · 271
midnight thoughts (10w)
Celeste Dec 2013
it appears i can't look to those closest to me
Dec 2013 · 393
Happy birthday to me
Celeste Dec 2013
Eighteen today
I've never understood the question
"Do you feel older?"
As if age is a tangible feeling
Meant to bring excitement
A vague sense of feeling better

Eighteen, someday
To a kid living in the system
They must understand the question
Each birthday is one more closer to
The death of their dream
They can't hold onto what they don't have

...I hope one day
I can fulfill that dream
Before they turn eighteen
I really hope I can adopt a kid one day...
Dec 2013 · 752
Six word story
Celeste Dec 2013
You'll learn that I'm easily corrupted
Nov 2013 · 539
do not be gentle with me
Celeste Nov 2013
ignite my empty frame with your fiery ash
teach my bones to know tendrils of warmth
feed me your sweet poison
place the delicate drops on my dry thirsting tongue
tempt my inhibitions
with your slow curving mouth and fearless unblinking eyes
scratch with rough nails
let the blood seep through
appreciate beauty in the red
and with searching fingers trace the hidden valleys i've had yet to find
ravage my mind
extract the words and thoughts
probe with force and tenacity
snap the locks shatter the ice expose the fear

f r e e  m y  m i n d
Celeste Nov 2013
you spoke the words that could never escape my tongue.
Oct 2013 · 3.2k
smoking kills
Celeste Oct 2013
i notice how deeply
you pull a drag
on that cigarette
down
    to
       the depths
                  of your lungs
as if you're attempting to revive
every hope and dream
exhaling
to set them free
only to dissipate
in a cloud that warrants glares and distancing footsteps
i notice your eyes lift
up to the sky
darling-
don't expect a sign from heaven
when Marlboro
is your guardian angel
not sure what i mean by this... just a random burst of inspiration
Sep 2013 · 358
x-ray vision (10w)
Celeste Sep 2013
i
can
see
your
unspoken
words
written
in
your
eyes
Celeste Sep 2013
something
in the middle
of my chest
is
   slowly
crawling
    it's way
        up my throat
itching, aching to be released

     (it's a scream that no one will hear)
there's something about sundays that just drive me crazy....
Sep 2013 · 227
just another 10w
Celeste Sep 2013
i
really
wouldn't
mind
if
it
didn't
feel
so
pointless
how i feel about school at the moment...
Sep 2013 · 345
What I'm Not
Celeste Sep 2013
i am no flower.
i will not
wilt in the heat
or shrivel in the cold
my skin is not bright like a petal
albeit smooth and shiny
                                (once it heals)
i do not sit still
waiting to be admired
or plucked from where i belong
only to die
at the hands
of someone who only seeks to replace me
yet again.
wrote this in school today instead of doing classwork... i'm such a rebel.
Sep 2013 · 302
10w
Celeste Sep 2013
10w
does anybody speak the language that reads between the lines?
Sep 2013 · 253
10w
Celeste Sep 2013
10w
will
any
one of
you
show
me
a
good
time?
Sep 2013 · 312
15w
Celeste Sep 2013
15w
someone must not have told you the heart is a VITAL *****, not a TOY.
Sep 2013 · 417
You Challenge a Cliche
Celeste Sep 2013
some say that
actions speak louder than words
yet
this smile won't be fading soon
what you wrote to me
is imprinted in my mind
cemented in the whirring thought process of my brain
i
     can
still
     see
the words painted on the inside of my eyelids
when i close my eyes
your words make
the darkness feel safe.
Sep 2013 · 304
10w
Celeste Sep 2013
10w
i just want something that will make me feel ALIVE.
Aug 2013 · 714
he's got a smile
Celeste Aug 2013
oh babe, he's got a smile
and a sly glint in his eye
some say it's his character
honey just know it's a lie
he'll run to  your door
before it shuts all the way
sweetheart i'm telling you
he'll put those good-girl morals in disarray
and that ain't music you hear
when he's with you alone
darling that's the sound of your manners being thrown
beware of this boy
who's got a certain smile
when he asks for a walk
just know he expects that extra mile.
Aug 2013 · 365
What You Did
Celeste Aug 2013
do you know what you did?
i don't think you do
because
i see
the
way
you
whisper in her ear
causing you both to burst into laughter
sharing some absurd joke the rest of the world just
isn't privileged enough to know
i see the way
your lips caress hers
so deliberately
as if they hold the answer to everlasting life
(but we both know everlasting love is a lie)
do you know what you did?
i don't think you do
because i see no other reason
for why you treated me like utter ****
(sorry but there's no poetic way to express what you did to me)
yet she appears to be the treasure of your life.
Aug 2013 · 395
To Mom
Celeste Aug 2013
I know you
were sick
And I know you
loved me
I know you
tried your best in the way you felt was right
To make me happy
I know you
Were scared that I'd forget you
I know that you knew you didn't have much time
Selfishly, I wonder why
You didn't leave me anything to remember you by
Don't worry, I have memories of you
But none of them tell me much
About what you were like
I really just want a piece of you
That I can hold in my hands
And unfold and read
Then fold up again when I feel reassured of your presence in my life.
Jun 2013 · 495
You Were the Sunlight
Celeste Jun 2013
You were the sunlight
That shone through the *****
In the glass window
Illuminating an entire new world
I was the *****
A flaw in the purpose; for windows are meant to protect
Yet your rays of light
Sought out ME
The mistake, the accident
To demonstrate to me how truly beautiful flaws are, when shown in the right light.
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