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 Mar 2014 Celeste
Samantha Ellis
the thing i like about cigarettes
isn't even the buzz
I just like the feeling of breathing in poison
and blowing it right out

I enjoy seeing the smoke leave me
and float in the air
like a ghost
until it disappears
to me it's beautiful

cigarettes are deadly, but that's something
most people know
but baby my addiction to you is even stronger
bet it will **** me first too

see I can quit cigs and deal with the
headaches and ****
but giving up you is still tearing me apart
shredding my insides

i wish that when i inhaled the poison
that is your breath
it would have been as easy to blow it out
and get rid of it

just like a cigarette though
you've blackened my insides
you darkened my heart
they darkened my lungs
but you didn't come with the warning label
 Mar 2014 Celeste
Lappel du vide
wet
 Mar 2014 Celeste
Lappel du vide
wet
in the shower,
i pretend that the burning hot
water
raining down on my body
are your soft and callous fingers
warm and wet
july heat;
seep through
my skin.

i arch my back, push my ******* toward the
low hanging ceiling
and i pretend that the water
hitting my throat
are your lips
kissing my neck
carefully.
i pretend that the steam is your breath
escaping,
but then i open my eyes and i am
alone
and it is cold winter not the summer *****
of July.

"let me use the shower!"
someone yells.
i pull the water to a stop, and it trickles
as the feel of your kisses dwindle
in January
chill.
written in January
 Mar 2014 Celeste
Theia Gwen
Cassie and Lia
Or Ana and Mia?
I don't know who we are anymore
Best friends or competitors?
Both fighting for a place at the morgue
As the first snow falls,
Our blood intermingles
In a pact to be the skinniest of them all
And no one else can see
That we're stuck in a blizzard
Doing anything for beauty
Icy veins and frozen hearts
Numbers shrinking on the scale
Metallic blades leaving scars
Pretty pills and bathroom stalls,
Diet coke and working out,
This is all that we are
We used to be innocent Cassie and Lia,
But when I look in the mirror
I only see Ana and Mia
Based off of the book Wintergirls by one of my favorite authors, Laurie Halse Anderson. It's about two girls struggling with eating disorders, Cassie and Lia.
 Mar 2014 Celeste
Lappel du vide
watch the fire flash in my eyes
like
razorblades bearing down on metal
scratching off
silver skin.

the rolling of my naked hips brings more
than just
dynamite lust,
it brings a dragon alive in men,
whispering,
shredding,
screaming,
fire-breathing dragon warriors
ready to fight the wars waging
on my
glowing skin,
eager to be called the winner of my limbs.

with tornadoes in my fingernails
as i scratch their backs,
bringing earthly disasters in my
ethereal touch
as i sweat on top of them
with their hands wrapped like curling vines
around my dancing waist.

look into my eyes and you'll see
the sugar cane in my irises
the pleasure waiting,
the juice waiting to crunch like bones
and run through your teeth
if i only hand you the key.

normal girls wont kiss you
like i will,
and that's why when men look,
they see my curves like a gift from heaven
they want to hear what i have to say,
and at the same time devour me.
be confident.
you are wanted,
you are beautiful.
believe in it.
 Mar 2014 Celeste
brooke
it was an incredibly
sad thought that hid
itself well, almost didn't
catch it--I wished I were
a boy when I love being
a girl, as if the amount of
self-loathing I expend would
disintegrate if I were a different
gender.
(c) Brooke Otto 2014
 Mar 2014 Celeste
R
Oops
 Mar 2014 Celeste
R
I'm not even sure
why I cut this time.
i guess I just did it to feel
to feel what?
I am happy, aren't i?
I should be.
hell I should be ecstatic.
I have a loving girlfriend,
my friends are great,
my parents trust me again,
and I have God by my side.
so what is it that I ever so
desperately need to feel?

Can I tell you a secret?
I am not unhappy.
I am not sad.
I am not angry.
I am anything but depressed.
I think that is what I miss.

The sadness is what I crave.
The constant happiness isn't
fulfilling my desires anymore.
Is there something wrong with me?
Some kind of unknown disorder that
causes you to crave the very thing
that made you hate yourself for so long?

This happiness is driving me mad.
It is like I will not let myself
be happy all day.
Why can't I just stay happy?
It's a wonderful feeling.
It makes everything seems brighter
and more beautiful!

So, why can't I just accept that
I am happy and get over
what needs to be
out of my life?
oops
but seriously, why can't I just accept that I am happy instead of purposely making myself sad?
and please don't say it's for "attention". I've never done this for attention in a day in my life, it's just a bad drug that I have been trying to wean of of for awhile. :/
 Mar 2014 Celeste
Samantha Ellis
everyone assumes the worst of me
my family and my friends
i hear all of the insults
and cry until it ends

i really do try sometimes
but really there's no point
they'll just assume the worst
so i just light another joint

they never try to see my side
they don't really care
but they're poisoning my soul
until there's nothing there

sure i've made a few mistakes
and then i get the blame for theirs
everything is my fault
is there anyone who cares?

i lay in bed whenever i'm home
just to stay away
my soul can take no more
not another day
 Mar 2014 Celeste
Theia Gwen
Her
15
Minutes
Of
Fame
Came
Only
After
She
Was
6
Feet
Under
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