one day, I'll sit
and explain
each and every line
I'll weave a tale
of every heretical thought
that crossed my mind
I'll describe the emotions
that clawed their way
through my chest
Alien like
and came to rest
upon a page
sage like
in its green(ness)
Exhalting in its freeness

Yes, one day I will explain
and until that day
read what you can
take what interpretation
that gets you though
the gelatinous mass
that is Life
One day, I'll explain
until then
let's pretend
we got through this
together.....

emotionless and numb
yet i could still feel your tongue
when it became entwined with mine

tired and worn
i begged you to go
but you kept your grip on me

scarred and barely breathing
i had become your whole world
dragging you down alongside with me

twisted and burned
there was no return
we had fallen much too deep

daddy's little girl turned prescription pill princess
and had no intentions of coming down
head in the clouds,
i had become beyond the point of numb

hopeless and ungrateful
but you finally left me
once i had hit rock bottom

destructive and ambitious
i brought a sledge hammer to our existence
and because you left
it's all up to me to pick up the pieces now

i hate being ignored
but i do it to other people,
and
sometimes i just don't want to say anything
and when i do
i guess i say too much.

i'm mean and rude
and nobody want's to talk to me
because if they say something i don't like,
then i'll tell them
right away to stop saying it.

i haven't called my mother
in a while,
and people are telling me what to do.
i want to escape
and jump into freezing water

because when i come out i will
be extremely
numb
and i'll be able to feel the sun a little better

good morning*
i screamed to the burning sky
put your drifting fingers in my trembling body
let me *******
and turn me flushed and red like the morning clouds.

because i want something passionate to touch me
and your bare body with scratches of cherry jam
all across it
like the insides of a sweet and sour homemade pie,
steam drifting off its browned lips,
are all i have in mind

i want to walk naked in the cold,
with my ******* like pebbles rising from the
bitter slap of early spring,
legs bearing small braille letters
goosebumps in my golden flesh,
fearless.

are you blind?
i want you to read me with your body.

because i am so much more than this
earthly thing of flapping paper skin,
and bending silverware bones.
so please tear into me like a drill
digging into earth to ****** handfuls of gold
and find
my soul
because it's been waiting,
and i am far from patient.

i put daffodils in my messy hair,
and rub my calloused palms which have
embedded within them the scent of burnt tobacco
like old couches, and charcoal scattered blankets,
and then i pretend that each day doesn't push the sunrise
even farther behind.

bitter white pills
stolen from the nurses office
crushed on the rocks,
merciless shores
of my craggy, gnashing teeth.

swallow it down
with purple liquid and
gag at the crude
astringent taste
like a fine powder
of dandelion leaf
burdock root
twisted hell.

floating down the hallway,
words jumbled and crumpled
thrown away paper
lodged in the crevices of my throat,
hacking it out with a nicotine
kissed cough.

i've got four more pills in my pocket,
but i'm craving ten.

i've always wanted to **** a ghost
and now i suppose i've gotten my wish
but i look down and see
your insides exploding
with the wrong kind of transparency.