You poured down like a warm kiss on a chilly night
Waltzing about with your cold tendrils
You took me back to my effervescent hometown
Its trembling branches
Its pitch dark horizons
And navy blue skies
When the trees fell
While the power slept off
And made us all fireflies
Fluttering for dewdrops to light up
Looking for embraces to snuggle into

I’ve been yearning for you
Days into months into years
Thanks for dropping by
November rain in Doon

Sitting around the patchy tree stumps at Sagar’s Cafeteria,
Campus was not solitaria*.
Listening to songs saved on our tiny phones, decade ago,
We devoured the sound of silence and the fields of athenrye
Together.

We lit mary jane and made merry singing along to ***** Gun
in broad daylight without the purview of uni cam puns.
Who cared if it was just a five-minute break from Hemangadutta
Or Sheeba’s hungry call for relief,
we made it seem wakeable in the dewy morns.

Sagar’s had the tastiest samosa, chicken puff
and Tiger biscuits so cheap we could fudge it in the lassi whuff.
Days and months went by hovering around Sagar than classes.
We never saved pennies, we spent bills on choora
from our pocket monies for bura.

In the bottom of the world, where the eye can’t trace,
There is a world. Far from worlds of all kinds, there’s a maze.
It’s slopped down and valleyed to the edge of the earth. From earth it rises
and flashes like an army of ants. Mutinying army ants in hermit clothes praises.

Little huts made of clay. Ants clay-model rants they philosophize the earth. Planet of hearth.
mutineers of hard work, far from working life and politics. Licks the Saturdays to Sunday dirge.

Your sorrow will be gone morrow,
Your silence will be force of horror.

We will help you seek your justice.
All you need to do is now is close your eyes and wait for precipice.
It will bear the name of your Victor. Traitors and victory echoless.

You can rise again, stitch the rashes for Phoenix,
Fluttering to the dewy meadow of blue above. Rise above the sky this time.
Close your eyes and fly this time. Never another time to rise, close and soar but this time.

I thought I’d learned all I had to
Turns out there’s a thing called getting better at what you do.

I thought I’d seen all them follies of life hitherto
Turns out there’s a thing called getting greater than what we were.

I thought I’d swept all them sins right out
Turns out there’s a thing called getting cleaner than what you are.

I thought I’d wept all them regrets inside-out
Turns out there’s a thing called getting calmer than what I was.

I thought I’d kept all them promises I made to my beau
Turns out there’s a thing called getting quieter than what I could’ve.

Corners of your room,
Knows me more than you.
Because that’s where I was lost
When you talked about leaving.

Bushes beyond the wall,
Knows the promise more than us.
Because that’s where we first lit passion
When we took a walk the first night.

Mushy park benches after rain,
Knows us more than the campus.
Because that’s where we kissed
When we first felt love beyond lust.

Veiny edges of my wrist,
Knows you more than me.
Because that’s where I tried writing
When your name started fading.

My handwriting was so ugly,
I practiced it day and night

I wanted to become a doctor y’see.
A doctor with a fine hand.

My handwriting became so good,
I became a Writer instead.

Now
I Type!

Why didn’t you keep your promise?
I wept
Loud
By Day
Noon
Night

Why didn’t you think of me once?
I waited
TippyToes
By the doors
Gates
Alleys

Why didn’t you come back?
I counted
Days
By seconds
Minutes
Hours

Was it my command to leave?
You sprint
Out Away
Sans looks
Tears
Hugs

Couldn’t you look back once?
I glared
Silhouette
Fading
Skeleton
Dots

Where the hell were you?
I knew
To Trust
Was Folly
*******,
Now I am dead.

I am on Everest
But it’s suffocating my breath.
Wish it was like the Dream
Breathless Trek
Upbeat Track
Dirging my glory all around.  

I am on Sea
But it’s killing my gut.
Wish it was like the Dream
Featherlight walk
Suspenseful score
Wailing my glory all around.

I am on Cliff.
But it’s breaking my step.
Wish it was like the Dream
Gladiator circus
Dropping riff
Lamenting my glory all around.

I’ve been walking
So long
So far
Weary eyes
Sweat cakes
Blood soaked rashes
My best friend’s taunt.

Sing a song, Songbird.
Please, Sing a Song Songbird.

I’ve been trusting
So long
So far
Wronged tales
Spiked hormones
Nauseating future
My mom’s warn.

Sing a song, Songbird.
Please, Sing a Song Songbird.

I’ve been resting
So Long
So Far
Gliding on tides
Erratic refrains
Clumped bones
My doctor’s threat.

Sing a song, Songbird.
Please, Sing a Song Songbird.

I’ve been blind
So Long
So Far
Stuttering steps
Coal filled iris
Yearns mourns of woes

Sing a song, Songbird.
Please, Sing a Song Songbird.

For the Unfinished Dreams,
For the Unsung Love Songs,
For the Unkissed Lips,

Of the absent classes
Of the misheard lectures
Of the moaning lawns of VC

From the Unsaid Jokes
From the Unheard Poems
From the Ungrateful Deeds

By the pool by pitch dark night
By the shadow at distance
By the promises mine broken
By you and me.

We had a great story.
But it ended oot when we
agreed to write it.

There’s so much light.

It’s bright
Glaring
Scorching
Darkness inside.

It’s burning
Erasing
Covering
Truth inside.

Isn’t it beautiful in the dark?
When there’s no sun to mellow tone the brain
When there’s no light to scorch the sight

Dark, like dots on black.

Where the skeleton uproars
The stench crawls  
And the wound moans.

It’s too much light
Too many masks.
Too many smiles.
Too bright.
And Burning.

I like the night sky better.
It's beautiful.
It's cold.
It frees.

Time to cut losses and reigns
Slash bosses and veins
Downtrodden
Snakes to slay
Win scepters made of clay.

Shake
Awake
Molding conviction to stay strong
Win over the hurdles, part ways of hay
Reality
What you may be, I dare you to go faster than me
My fire is endless
My conviction is bottomless
I am ready to engage.

Time flies, then
                              soars fast,
                              high, away.
Like a distant yesterday
The cogwheels were oiled then
Now it's grease draining the mold.
It took no time for them to rust.

The shots that were bottomed
Were to **** time then with laughter,
Now it is to fill the laughter of time.
It took little time to jade.

Yogamats, Shiny Utensils
They were bought to fill space then
They are emptying my belly space now
It takes some time to perish.

The grass was cool
To spend time with meaningful convos then
Now, it is a hollow trip laced with arrogance
It takes a lot of time to quit abuse.
                       Time flies, then
                       soars fast,
                       high, away.

Every time,

Everytime someone asks
a question
Any question; I freeze.

Mind fades
Neurons vanish
Oblivion brightens
Like the beginning of a DMT trip.

It needn’t be arithmetic
It needn’t be  my love life
It needn’t be about the speed of waves in Red Sea.

Sometimes a Split Second
Sometimes an Eternity.

If there’s a question
Marking the end of your sentence
You better not ask me.

O, So many questions left unanswered
When I go to heaven, God's bound to ask another!

For all b'days I did
not feel good, It's different
Now. I feel happy.

Am I alive because I need to do more
Or just because I am a villain who needs to create chaos much more?

Am I a blessing because I empathize
Or just a punishment to the world because I don’t know where I am?

Am I rich because I have pounds
Or just a beggar without a penny for humanity?

We didn’t know each other too well,
I thought of her as the prettiest girl in the class,
Intelligent but shy.

It was just the 20 minutes every Sunday of the Catechism Class
Which I attended out of constraint
Only when my lies fell flat
And mom wasn’t convinced


We connected the most in the last two years
Gossiping about boys
and
Taboos of Catholicism
She only listened with gleaming eyes
And I was the loudspeaker that shimmered her tears
A few minutes, perhaps an hour every month.

Then, I heard she had cancer.
I tried visiting her,
But she wouldn’t come out of the house,
Her mom said she didn’t want the world to see her hairless head
The Chemo had taken a toll.

Then I saw her in the choir section from the balcony
On a cold Sunday morning mass,
I caught her out of blue when the mass ended
Her hair was back, up till the ***
But my smile dwindled when I saw she had but one hand
I couldn’t talk a lot
So I told her ‘God Bless’,
Walked away and cursed god for his twisted blessing.
Cure for a hand.

Then, I heard she died yesterday.
10 Years fighting bone, blood and breast cancer.
I couldn’t stop my sinus tearing.
They were hot from the guilt of not catching up,
They were gushing out of the sorrow she was better than me,

Then why not me, but her.
I am a sinner. I should’ve been taken.
I took my childhood diary
It was the same words I had written 10 years ago.

Why her? Take me instead.

I played the
Prayer for the Dead
The Holy Mass on Loop
And I realized
I was never gonna meet her again.
She will go to heaven.
And I will look up from Hell.


I don't have a photo
I don't remember her voice

Just
A fading smile
A forced respect
God, will I remember her ten years from now?

Caged in the chambers of testaments
Fantasies
Written
at the death of dawn
Clutching me in its grasp
Hugging me out of breath

Gurgling chaos of uncertain words
Slowly
Weighing
Down into the crown
Grappling me on its tongue
Blotting me out of sight

Ever felt your worst fears
Come
Alive?

Only
When you
Write it down?

Marauders
Spying shamans
How dare you mumble?

Speak up, Vermin.

Disciples
Lying barons
How dare you pray?

Shut up, Cuckoo.

Maidens
Celibate ******
How dare you cry?

Sack up, Moaning Lisa.

When I reached the valley of Jerusalem,
Nazareth hunted me down.
When I reached the sands of Jordan,
Egypt snaked around me.
When I reached the gates of Heaven,
Satan pranced ahead of me.

Crouching
Hunchback
Pilgrims from Mordor

Climbing
Steep
High
Tianmen

Can mercy be bought with
Sweat
Tears
Claps
Shouts
Screams
Kneels
Whips?

Mosquito bite
clenched me awake

With a palm full of your hair
Gleaming Kumaoni forehead
Clasped with a ruffle

Warm
rushing dopamine

You turned
I hummed

White noise
Fireworks in the distance
Swearing Windows
Bellowing Curtains
Rainy Pearls of sweat.


We curled
Twin fetus swirls
In a Womb of Thorns

The Oudh on your beard
The flaky burns on my temples

Blended Ambroise
Glaring tunnel of light.
I didn't look up.

I watched the twilight shimmer on your mumbles
Crawling to sleep
While the darkness engulfed the whites.

Did we scream that day?
Why did the blood boil so much?
Where did the curdle go?
Were you strangling my nerves then?
Is it wrong to smear the red with white?
Do you remember the moans?
When did the world end, Skeeter?

Lies like Cakes
Icing of blushes
Maiden flowers of margarine
Snap me in your beak
Clunk me like a teenage mistake

When you called me a *****
I smiled
It was your passion, not mine.

When I look into your eyes
There are sparkles
Confetti
Icecream
And Noodles

Fly away?
No, crouch down.
On all fours.

I want to see you scream.
I want to see you wail.
I want to see you moan.

Was the kiss so precious
or
the amber whimpers

Were the dogs
cute
or to
disgust the open wounds.

diamonds and rubies
fighting

splash of moonshine
on blood
cold mines
sweet spine

flowing the sweat
like paisley plowing
lightning mud

under the bushes
meadows of bats
black and beneath

Mornings full of jugs
circling the eye like falcons

Afternoons full of sheets
Curdling the static like darks

Evenings full of smokes
Blurring the veins like purples

When the sun went up,
it was a cold snuggle

No warmth
No shivers

Shaking to trembles
in a paradise
not mine
perhaps yours

Not ours
Theirs unknown

When the sun went down
it was a ****** paranoia

Mangoes and Chillies
Smoky tendrils of coolies

Wasn't it forbidden by fathers
And booed by mothers

My chasm that separated
Your ***** that persuaded

don't fly today
Let's snuggle and curl
Till the end of days

Taught me to moan
Taught me to rebel
Taught me to sing
Taught me to scorn
Taught me to scoff
Taught me to spurn
You
like a cur out of my way.

man bun
Disheveled
Hair, soul, shorts
Gleaming sweat

Palms screaming for warmth

Alluring smile in a dark mustache
Covered in cologne
Of Potatoes and ***
Of Chapathis and chillums

Murky embalming
You were a slice of the lavender valley
Distant
Intoxicating
I tasted from afar.

When I think of the rusted bed,
The cold night.
The snoozing soulmate.
The distant cooing.
And the bursting pops,
Five floors down.

I know
I knew
It was not insomnia that kept me awake.
It was not Mary Jane that stood me up.
It was to share the silence with you,
So that I can trip back
Whenever poesy strangled me.

Yesterday it was roaring.
Today I know it calms.
Tomorrow it will paint.

The lazy days of basking weekdays
Cutting classes roaring of Kant
Whiskers on kittens,

Just

Breathe the solace of scorching heat
Atop the ancient building
Of my grave

Didn't know
them pearly drops

Elixir was
Water now.

Life it gives.

Someday it'd shine like silver
On your bushy brows

Reflections in Martyrs

Tonight
Lay in my arms.

With dangling shrubs for hair

Pivoting like a vulture
gleaming smiles
You skunk,

Tainting my heart with sweet nuthings,
Blowing my fears into teary inflatables.

It didn't grow,
Because it had to burst.

It burst again
And blend into muck.

I moan the past.

Those goggles
I crave
Your Soda Glasses
I raved

So
I can
Swim again
In the murky depths of our
chaotic evil

past.

Why do we do what we do?
Why do we jump even if it’s a dump?
Why do we turn to wolves for a burn?
Why do we heed to bleed?

When the noise lulls and poise hulls
It’s not staggering.
It’s badgering.
Reason, even of a bison catches the raven by awe.
It lays flat and blaze to plaid.

my birdie inside

She sings and walks
Then wails and stops
She can open the gates,
But she won’t fly far.

She moans and crackles
Then screams and stagnates
She has seen the stars
But she won’t go that far.

She bellows and heaves
Then shudders and drops
She kept dreaming to fight
But she never sword any.

Snarling clues underneath the dollies
Waiting for a nudge to rise up and vanish
And pop back only when the fret breaks into a moan
They will never find
Why else do you think people still talk about the people on Titanic?

Chummy jays
Cockooing with crows saying its alright
Mocking sad a bulge hiding behind the crooked crimson spring
They will never see
Why else do you think Amazon Rainforest is not a Honeymoon destination yet!

I didn't wanna see star-crossed lovers all around me.

I think you’re too sweet
because I like Espresso now.

How we c o i l and s w i r l
Serpents                        into
Bright           and       black.

          Gnawing and pawing
                             Beavers into
          Bobbed apples      seeds.

Why we writhe and ache
  Worms           into
Withdrawals headaches.

                            Hermits        on Holy Grail Chase
                            Beacons into
                                                        Dist­asteful      b l u r s.

                                     May we shine
Eagles into
Suns and kins.

Wondering when I let go of the loot
Might delusion swing me on a chute?

Subtle misery amber soot
Soothing its way numbing mute
Dopamine Aye!

There was once an English Sir
With a waist pricked by hernia in a pur
He said it's not ‘Two-Dai’, *****
But, ‘To-Die’, say it right
That was 13 years ago
And I still trip on To-Die
By Joseph Sir.

Mirage mirror
Told I must fall
the lower

Dainty Saints
Vowed this is all
the more

Sizzling scissors
Made me small
they bore

Pity,
gore
and snuffed pores
***** no more today.