in a dream
i had a brother
a tiny screaming baby brother
he wouldn't eat
not for my father and not for my mother
though he belonged only to one of them
i held him in my arms
tiny and screaming and alive
and he ate for me
but while he ate i sobbed
because i knew in my gut
he would not make it
he died when he was 14 or 15
his teenage self watched as i coaxed him to drink
he knew he wouldn't make it either
he died when he was 14 or 15
it was on the news

I walked today feeling heavy
mourning a brother I never had
At work and school I thought of him
tiny and screaming in my arms

I feel empty
Empty all over
in my bones
in my gut
in my throat

He is gone

He was never here

but where he should be is empty

he never existed at all
but he should be
tiny and screaming in my arms

September is here
so so cold in the morning
but then so so hot

I feel like crying
The kindergartners writing
Is the cutest thing

There is a place
A big, cold, empty space
Between my body and me
And there is a place
A thin, fuzzy space
Between my body
And the rest of the world.
Sometimes I fall into the spaces
And I don't know how to pull myself out.
When I fall into the big
The cold
The empty
I feel like there isn't any gravity
Or air
And I'm floating away from my ship
Without a tether or anything
And I don't know how to get back
Somehow I always do.
When I fall into the thin
The fuzzy in-between
That stops me from feeling the world the way it really is
Everything is way too bright
And I can't see anything
Or it's way too dull
And I can't see anything
And it's so loud that I can't decipher the words
Or it's so quiet that I can't even hear them at all
Nothing smells like anything, or it smells like everything
Nothing tastes right, everything feels shifted to the side a bit
Like I'm in a dream.
I don't know how to get out of that space either
But it never lasts forever
At least it hasn't yet

I don't feel strong
I don't feel brave
I feel tight in my throat
I don't feel warm
I don't feel safe
I feel like I'm falling apart

words. poetry. art.
I used to believe that poetry needed to have a steady even flow
That it needed to tumble out and down like water in a stream
moving and moving and moving
constantly
consistantly
but
I realized
that words
  and
art
can be
    chunky
        blocky
there can be pauses
...
and spaces

and things can be repeated without needing to be

I'm gone all the time now.

Not all the time.

But it feels like all the time.

I think I'm here
And I'm doing things
And then I **** back into focus
And I've been gone a long, long time
Where did I go?
Why can't I feel when I start slipping away?

I can only feel when I'm pulled back to the surface
And not when I begin to sink
But I don't go anywhere.

But I'm gone.

I'm gone.

You say I betray you
I want to protect you
Life doesn't come with a manual
I don't know what to do
I'm trying so hard
To see underneath
But you stack on layer after layer
Each time I dig deeper
I find more of your hurt
each time I dig deeper
You hurt me some more
Broken people do that sometimes
It is hard
but it must be done
if not by me
then who?
I'm very tired
It hurts to keep going
will I stop?
Only for the night
But when the sun rises
So will I
to keep digging
to find you
and pull you to where
I hope you'll be safe
Forgive me
For losing you in the first place
little sister

Dreams, once strong and true
Wither away as I scroll
Why did I want this?

Pale sunlight shines down
Piercing through crisp autumn air
The cold approaches

Red, orange, yellow
Leaves swirl from their branches
But they will be back

Cinnamon Cider
Steam curls up into the air
I feel safe and warm

The sun sets, I run
The stars watch me from above
The cold helps me think

A big 'ole pumpkin
Sits on my front porch
Fearsome light flickers

Welcome little life
Sprouting, hatching, being born
Awaken and live

Flittering, floating
Bright and shiny butterfly
Dance soft on a breeze

A small hairy stem
Jagged leaves reaching for sun
New tomato plant

A spring in my step
I will spring into action
Preparing for Spring

The air is now warm
Small green shoots burst through the ground
A bird chirps loudly

The snow was so nice
Dry winds blew with no fresh falls
Now the ground is ice

To stay hydrated
I drink water during class
"I need the hall pass"

My back is aching
Battle bruises cover me
I love to wrestle

The snow came last night
It sparkles and glistens in
The sunlight outside

He was a great one
He made stories that we love
Rest in peace Stan Lee

Graham ******* pie crust
So creamy and delicious
Raspberry on top

I shoot in again
I don't like double legs but
Wrestling is life

I soak in a tub
Bubbles pile around me
This is the good life

Inertia and I
We resist change if we can
We are much alike

Physics can be great
But I do not understand
I need a new brain

Anything can be
A haiku if you would like
I adore them so

The leaves are falling
As are the spirits and grades
Let us go outside!

The rain sprinkles down
I jump and dance in the street
Autumn is the best

I was up till three
Watching a scary movie
I love halloween

"Put the haiku stuff
Away for the rest of class"
"But I enjoy them!"

I go on a hike
Ev'rything smells of autumn
The breeze lets me fly

Timothy slides on
A leaf to Elizabeth
They are happy snails

I love to read books
I believe they are divine
Please leave us in peace