****
I can't believe
You've lived eighteen long years
I don't want to believe
You're of legal age
Because just yesterday
You arrived for school 2 hours late for
You slept at 4 am because of anime
Your blue boxers would show even if you wore a belt
You bought 100 Pesos worth of Spanish bread during recess
You dared to punctuate your English report with wrong grammar
You dunked iced tea bottles to the trash can, imitating Jordan
You ran and screamed in the hallways with the 3rd graders
You hanged your sweaty shirt to dry at the lockers
You spammed our physics teacher's laptop with selfies
You bit my shoulder, literally
You drew kitties and robots in your math test
You attempted to sing to dubstep
You took a nap at the carpeted library floor and
You almost ran over me with your car
So even if you're now an adult officially
You're still this messed up kid to me
Happy birthday though
You're finally 18
My wish for you is that you would be careful
'Cause you're old enough to hit the slammers
*I guess age is really just a number

i am far too flammable to be playing with matches like this but i like the way your hands burn and i like the singes on my dress, my hair, my skin and i know i shouldn’t but burning feels more alive than freezing and my body has been shaking from the cold for months now and even if this hurts just as much it’s so nice to just feel something, something different, something at all. cold eats you from the inside out, the ice spreading from your stomach to your throat before it appears on your lips and cold feels like nothing. you lose the sensation of touch and you lose your breath and it happens so slowly you don’t realize it at first. this is what my life has been like: slowly freezing me solid, deep freeze through to my heart, until my flesh can’t remember what it’s like to be flushed and warm and alive. fire is different; the flames dance on your skin and scorch you before your nerves register the feeling, before you realize the danger, and this is what you feel like. i want to commit small acts of arson with you and i want us to burn down the house i grew up in and we can kiss with the flames reflected in our eyes. you are my original sin, you are my Morningstar turned lucifer, you are mine.

I'm tired of running.
I'm sick of trying.
I want to stop crying.
I don't know why I keep lying.
I can't keep living.
I know I am dying.
My time is ticking.
My God I'm denying.

I remember every right word and the scars they left.
I remember every bottle that broke on the floor.
I remember how I swore I tried my best.
I remember how you swore I could do more.
I remember how we knew our time was coming.
I remember how our watches would snap at the band.
I remember how the sea gave way to our ship,
But I couldn't bare to leave the sand...

I do believe that believers exist,
but I fear that I'm the last one left.
I took a shot in the dark, I missed.
I hit my heart again instead.

I do not think I'm winning,
I just don't want to be confused.
I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
as my bones break and skin starts to bruise.

I know no one can live forever,
but I wish that I could pick and choose.
I swear I'd be the first in line.
I swear you'd be position number two.

I walk a fine line of words I write.
I point my fingers and accuse.
You take the ink away from me.
You scream "this ink ain't being used."

I wrote a million letters.
I wrote a sad story or two.
I wrote too many dots of silence,
I wrote too many "I" and "You's."
I drew too many pictures.
I erased so many things straight from the heart.
I told you one too many times,
"I swear we'll never grow apart..."

I remember every right song and the lines they left.
I remember every teardrop that crashed on the floor.
I remember how I swore it was just a guess.
I remember how you swore I'd never learn.
I remember how we knew our smiles were fading.
I remember how our touches would stop at the hand.
I remember that ground that allowed us to walk on
But I couldn't bare to see us land...

I feel my pupils,
Dialate,
My legs become,
A nimble stalk of grass
Blowing in the breeze

Everything is ******* awesome,
The hand of God Himself could not bring me down
From this man made chemical high

I struggle to pull a cigarette,
From a freshly opened pack
Because I can't quite feel my finger tips
**** you, Marlboro..

Leaves shake involuntarily,
On the trees before my eyes
The little piece of square paper,
That rests upon my tongue,
Brings me harmony

Microseconds skid by
As drops of pins
Eyes roll back  inside
Deep within the skin
Life turns tide
And plays back again
High time to die
And travel with the wind