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I do not know
The exact moment I died,
Maybe it was when they told me
I would never again be able
To look into your eyes.
The willows were weeping with me-
An army of broken hearts and promises
All going down with me.
The clouds were crying-
Filled by fallen angels' tears.
You only wanted to escape,
The dusty corners of your mind
Were never good enough.
The demons made you do it;
They whispered in your ear
Until you could not imagine
Any other way of living on.
Their heinous promises
Made you get on the chair
And jump out of the rope's reach.
They made you swallow
Your screams of pain,
Anger,
And Regret.
And then they finally closed your eyes.
Their words filled my dreams;
Made them nightmares.
And when I walked in
And  found you,
The demon's words filled
My mind,
My world,
And my soul
With promises
That I would never be able
To look into your eyes again.
To be young again-
I remember back to the time
He asked me to dance.
I had not even
Known his name.
Mother would have
Looked down at me
And shook her fist
While screaming,
"That boy is no good!"
But she did not know
Our secret.
We were in love
Spinning in circles,
Twirling me around,
The band of the time
Playing in the background.
It turned into
A weekend thing,
Just him and I.
Almost a year later,
We were dancing
To the same song
On our wedding day.
Mother could not be there,
But I know
She was watching
Us twirl,
Circle,
Kiss,
Cry,
Laugh,
And dance some more.
We danced.
We danced into our future,
And danced into the night,
And into our last breaths.
But we were together,
And that was all that mattered to us.
You were new
I hated you from the start
Everyone loved you
The girls giggled as you walked past
The guys called your name
I sat aside and hated your fame
You thought you were something else
Something special
But you were nothing
Nothing to me
You talked to me
Or should i say, tried?
I tried to ignore you
Your stares made me abide
I couldn't look away from your eyes
When you would turn around
And stare me down
I hated it,
At first
But then something clicked
I had an epiphany
In fact,
I loved the attention you were giving me
She told me to watch out
But she also told me the way your eyes glazed over
When you gazed at me
I think my eyes did the same
Every stare from you
Had my body reacting
I started to like you
But we were young
It was nothing
But then you talked to me
And I fell in love with your voice too
We joked and spoke to each other
Everyday from then on
But it was different
It wasn't coming from you
Yet I still believed it was true
But she was always in the background
Somehow knowing everything you said to me
We fell in love
We stayed together for years
You were my air,
Everything to me
I loved you,
More than anyone else.
The love still is with me
Even though you are gone
But yet, the truth is,
You never were,
Because it ended up being her lies all along.
I hate my words for most of all the time
So much so, I'll deny they were ever mine.
I put pen to paper with high hopes
That seeing the ink bleed will keep me from the ropes.
I am unnecessary; I am not wanted
A simple body-- living, yet haunted.

There are these memories from years ago
Of a little girl trembling between each blow.
She swears up & down, & left to right
Never again to sleep at night.
She would rather be up for weeks
Than awoken at night to floorboard creeks.
She swore for the future & to the stars above
Never ever to let herself love.

As for now, I still stay awake each night,
& think of how to continue solely on spite.
I like to imagine what I might be
If you hadn't done what you have to me.
Just picture what I could achieve
If this hatred inside would only leave.

— The End —