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January-
I’m trying to forget the sound of your voice. Just a few days ago your cries for attention were echoing in my ears. I don’t know how to turn down the volume.

February-
Grape vines twist through my ribcage. My blood turns to wine.

March-
The sun pokes its head out the curtain. The stars tell it not too. That is unprofessional. No one can know what goes on behind the scenes.

April-
I wear birthday cake frosting as lipstick. I resemble a clown. I balance on boxes filled with my favorite books. Another year older.

May-
I’m a time bomb. I’m ticking down. I’m sorry you had to find out this way. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6. The confessions burble out of my throat. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Silence.

June-
Like the flowers, I am reborn. My petals spread out and greet the warmth. My pretty colors distract me from my inevitable death.

July-
I can’t breathe under this heat. The air has stilled, the Earth has stopped moving. How am I still not over this?

August-
I hide from the sun. From the sky and the stars. I am ashamed of what I am.

September-
Everyone is looking at me. I don’t fit inside my skin. They all know. It is written across my forehead. It is tattooed in braille on the soles of my feet.

October-
The leaves fall from trees. I follow suit. We change and die together. I knew there was a reason I liked this weather.

November-
I have long stopped being a person. I am your lost inhaler. I am snow in the summer. An afterthought of a girl. I am sorry.

December-
Its the anniversary of the assault. I’ve only ever spoken about in poetry. Compared it to bees. Compared it to cats’ claws stuck in moth eaten sweaters. To irritated scars now opened despite months of bandages and stitches. I’ve left it folded in between pages of diary entries. I hope one day you find them. And you realize what you’ve done.
lost inside my own solitude
I have no walls to remind
That I'm still trapped
In chaos of my own mind

I can't leave
There's nothing but me
To fill this canvas
That lies before me

I have no colours
Only blood to paint my sorrow
Bleeding ever more
Soon I'll be nothing but hollow

I wrapped myself in wires
Now I have no escape
I never did put out the fire
And now it's too late

In my own illusions
I make my own road
Where I'll walk forever
Till my legs are cold

My eyes see ghosts
Staring at me from inside me
There's no where to run
I know I'll never be free

Their voices filling my head
Telling me what I'm not
Forcing me to destroy
Myself , with all I've got

And I raise my hand
To cut myself again
I'm so numb now
I can't even feel the pain

Crashing to the ground
Falling all around
Breaking myself again
From the ceiling hanging down

But I never die
Coldness never leaves my being
Nightmares choke me
Force me to dream

And I take a hit again
Now I'm same again
There's no pain
I've forgotten my name

I feel different
I can even see myself
I feel so strange
For a moment I forget

Ghosts dance to me
And I dance with them
I carry blade no more
Now I hold a pen

My destruction
You can hear my rage
Wounds and scars
On every burnt page

Staring back at me
With Tears in their eyes
Fading away
as they come in my sight

All i can see is haze
Every word is a maze
I run in every direction
But there is no escape

I have no wings
And I can't fly
This is my grave
Here I'll die

In my own confusion
I'll slowly wither away
Drowned in illusions
Trapped in this fray

I'll be gone
There'll be nothing left
Every mirror
Will be full of regret

Only the burnt pages
Will have my tale
To echo through the ages
That no one will ever hear

I'll be forgotten
And I'll be no more
I'll be gone
With part of my cold

Part of my cold , that my  every breath beholds
 Feb 2014 Catherine Pelletier
bc
Let me be your cigarette
I want you to hold me softly between your fingers
I want your smooth lips to work wonders upon my skin
I want you to breathe me in
I want to be the one to calm you when you're upset
I want to be the thing you live off of and feed off of
Let me be your cigarette, please
I want to feel needed because all my life I have been the second choice
Give me your love and affection
I want your adoration
I want your lips
I want the way your brown eyes light up when you smile
I want your little dimple that appears on the right side of your face when ever you smirk
I want the way you catch a football ever so gently between your hands
I want the way your laugh is so loud and contagious
I want the way that just your presence alone can make me feel amazing
I want you
I want all of you
Because I love you and you are everything to me
Even though I am nothing to you

-b.c.
It ***** loving someone who doesnt love you back.
I'm gonna wait for a new love,
to scribble out the pain

the pain you left, inside my chest
here, where the ink from my heart pours
out your name.

My paper heart has lost it's beating
and I can't re write my past
so please just write the next few lines for me.
Please let our last moment last..

....

'Cause if love is communication,
and hearts are made of paper..
then let our mouths do the listening
and save the goodbyes 'til much, much later.
Free falling into the pits of Wonderland,
I wanna fly to
        somewhere
                   Anywhere
                            nowhere with Peter Pan

We're slowly fitting into place
So let your hand slip into mine
And let my fingers trace your disney character face

We're gently stirring up trouble in
These coffee cups of limited love
So can i get a refill?
Maybe if i rub this teapot like a lamp
I could make your wishes come true
If the world allowed me this chance

I may not have much to offer
I'm a writer, not a doctor
I might look like a furry beast
Even on my good days
But you'd be my beauty, my Belle,
And this I mean, always.

I don't believe in fairy tale endings,
Not anymore
I'm that loser who dreams of disney beginnings
And if i had you even as a rose, something i could walk past and just adore
I know i'd go through life winning,
I wouldn't want to fall through the crust
Of this 'Wonderland' anymore.
She watches you with careful eyes, a wicked heart and dreadful lies
Waiting until the moment when you can't bare to breath anymore
She walks in with perfect strides, movements so smooth as if she glides
and she comes to when you are collapsed in a heap on the floor

She tells you dear there is a place, somewhere off in time and space
She'll take you there if you agree, the trip is now and the ticket is free
All the pain will suffice and this she says is no lie
It is a world of no pain nor hurt and where all your thoughts can be heard

Everyone will be happier if you come with me she says; trust me your parents will understand
Think of the adventure, think of the peace, think of the opportunity, don't you trust me?
She pulls you in so close but her hands they feel so awfully cold.
She says I only want the best for you, come with me like I need you to

And so you agree to go because she's advised its best but you get this sinking feeling in your chest
You can tell somethings not right, as you journey father away and emerge in this light
At first you are blinded but all you hear is screams, surrounding you in a place of peace
but you recognize voices and you start to hear weeps; you find out soon it's your family

They know that you've left and you feel like you're going to *****, this was not what she had promised
You realize you need to go back but she ignores your pleas, even when you go down to your knees
You feel so angry, so weak and so torn but you continue to try to beg on the floor
Listen to me you scream but you loose your breath when you realize this woman was in fact death

Death can be beautiful, or so she may seem but inside shes rotten, cold and so mean
Don't do what she asks of you please; she's is all around us and your heart ache she sees
She will feed off of your pain, sorrow and emptiness until she can take one more victim off of her checklist
This is not right but this is the tragic end; remember death is the enemy and not a friend.
My blood runs across my flesh
He's here again
here to take me away.

The halls are dark,
and the moon washes in pale light across the floor
My tears don't fall this time,
I am not afraid.

His black wings caress the plush white carpet
stained by my life essence,
and his eyes are filled with such hate
and the blood of his innocent victims
the candles on the window pane burst to life
and the wind whispers across my damp skin.

I raise my shaking hand towards him
begging for him to end the pain,
as crimson liquid spills from my severed veins
they hit the ground and turn to black.

His eyes watch me in curiosity
but his lips curl in a knowing grin
he lifts one hand and shakes one long bony finger,

"You have one chance little one," he whispers

But I've gone too far to look back
I turn to the window,
and watch the white curtains billowing in the icy wind.

"I'm ready," I whisper.

The white curtains touch the tips of the flame
and roar into a hungry sea of fire

"There is no forgiveness once you cross the line,"

I stare at the flames as they bend and flicker
as if they're dancing
taunting me.

My mind was already made.

"There has never been forgiveness for me, my soul belongs to you,"

And as soon as the last word drops from the tip of my tongue
I'm engulfed in the flames.

— The End —