Cassiopeia

Cassiopeia Nov 2014

my problem is that
when i look into your eyes
i see the ocean
and the sky mashed into a beautiful masterpiece
i try to notice your pupils
to see how they dilate
but i can’t help but wonder all the things those pupils have dilated for.
when you smile
my world comes crashing in
because your smile has the same effect as when you stare at the sun for too long
(blinded but you can’t look away)

so my problem is that
when i stare at your hands
i think of all the blood flowing through your veins
and all the possible reasons
why your veins protrude so much in your arms
and i can’t quite figure out if it’s because your heart can’t decide
how fast or slow it wants to beat
or if it’s because you have gardens growing in your organs
and you just don’t know it yet

my problem is that
i see the world inside of you
and i think when you leave
i’ll end up seeing you inside the world
the ocean and the sky will be your eyes
and all the memories of me looking into them
and the night time
will be me hoping you’re somehow looking back
(thinking about me)
when you’re gone
i’ll stare at the sun
in hopes of feeling like i do when you smile at me

my problem is that
you’re leaving
and i don’t think anyone else will have organs covered in all the possible things a person can have in their garden
because once your gone
every garden will remind me of you
every sky
every ocean
every star
every sun
will remind me of just how much i love you
and how hard it will be to live without you

t.t (10:42 p.m)

#love #sun #sky #you #ocean

Cassiopeia Oct 2013

"u"

every little thing i write
at every ticking second of the clock
turns out to be
just another arrangement of letters
that i use to describe you
because every single second
of every single day
i think about you
and there will never be enough words
to explain how absolutely oblivious you are
to the fact that if you said “i love you”
i would say it back
before the letter “u”
could fall off your lips

Cassiopeia Aug 2013

My Life

my life consists of doing the dishes
and getting yelled at when they're out of place
I love people too easily
but hate everyone at the same time
once I told a boy I loved him
(he said it back a week later)
and that is the same boy
I talk to at 2 a.m
because he doesn't see the world the same way I do
and I might have deeper feelings for this boy
but I'm afraid to admit it because I might just hurt him in the end
just like the last boy did to me.
you see
my life consists of ups and downs
and it seems that the downs are more common
just like in my school
how the number of people who don't like me
is more common than the number who do
and I miss the way it felt
to have friends who love you
and not understand the meaning of hate
but my life consists of thoughts
too many to count
and when I told my best friend these thoughts
she suggested I see a therapist
because she couldn't answer all of my questions about this corrupt world
so as I walk my dog
and think how I could just keep walking
and never go back to school
and never hear my mom scream
and never have to feel this sadness
that doesn't seem to leave
well I think that would be a long walk
and my legs are much too tired

Cassiopeia Aug 2013

I wonder..

i wonder about the clouds
and if they kiss the sky
or each other.
i wonder if the grass
appreciates the wind blowing through it
and if the leaves rustle on purpose.
i wonder if the walls actually listen
and keep the secrets they've overheard
just between each other.
i wonder if mirrors see people
as ugly as we see ourselves
or if they're just trying to figure out
how to convince us that we're beautiful.
i wonder if the stars stare at people
and admire their shine.
i wonder if the shore is really in love with the sea
and just waits for it's kiss to come back.
but most of all
i wonder how people
can say "i love you"
but seem to loose the meaning of that four letter word
and fall out so quickly

Cassiopeia Jul 2013

Just A Feeling

sadness is just a feeling
until it overcame her
and she jumped of a bridge

loneliness is just a feeling
until she cut herself
because that boy let go

excitement is just a feeling
until he was jumping out of his seat
because daddy was finally coming

happiness is just a feeling
until she kissed him
and they both understood the meaning of love

love is just a feeling
until he woke up every morning
to her face and couldn't think of anything better

as people, we are full of feelings
and they stop being just feelings
when they become the one thing that fuels us
the one thing that makes her jump
her cut
him to smile and bounce
them to kiss
and him to smile every morning

Cassiopeia Jul 2013

Diary of an Insomniac

it didn’t use to be like this
with nights rolling into morning
with sadness waiting in the dark
with thoughts that don’t stop
and only the moon for company

no

a happy girl used to fall asleep at 10 o’clock
every night
because that’s what daddy wanted
and she wasn’t going to disobey
afterall she was daddy’s little girl

but

daddy’s gone now
and that was all before you
you with your charm
and kindness
and the ability to make sad days better

so

now i sit in the dark
unable to fall asleep before 3 a.m
because you are on my mind
because you are my
*wonderwall

Cassiopeia Jul 2013

"Lovey"

their love
was like a lazy sunday
easy-going and free
until one day
she was unsure
if the man named bill
who asked for her hand
was the one she truly loved
but she tucked that thought away
and called him "lovey"
in an attempt to feel the same
the same way he always had
but fifty years later
she imagines all the adventures she missed
by not loving the man
to whom she said yes