I'm most creative at my darkest,
The pain is what keeps me going,
Without it I would have no will no drive,
The smoke although slowly choking me,
Is elevating the stress,
Alcohol is numbing the pain,
Is this how i'm supposed to be?
Is this how i'm Supposed to live?
Live.
The word it has become funny,
As if it's my own personal joke,
As I don't feel alive.

i hate that i could never hate you

I wanted to walk with you as though our shoes were tied in a knot
and out of all the walking I've done, I could not do so feeling alone.
I had to have you by my side, it was the mentality behind the heart
that stands guard, too afraid to say 'I love you' and too afraid
to just let our laces untangle as we brace for a different life.

My mother always tells me, "the right girl will find her way to you"
as to do that I had to pretend that I was brave enough to stop hiding
because I've spent time confiding in the illusions of my mind
where you and I are holding hands, making plans and chasing dreams
but it seems that every time we sew the threads the seams seem
to become undone.

Take it from a guy who's excelled in hide and seek
the bleakest place to hide is always the one kept hidden away,
the forbidden place where snakes unravel from trees
and an apple a day makes things complete, but it isn't warm.
To conform to every single sweat and tear of living alone
has its price. Take it from a guy who's connected right to left hands
made plans between three people all synonymous with 'me, myself and i',
I can tell you that being alone isn't a good feeling.

The heart isn't hidden away, it's not meant to be kept safe,
sometimes you just have to let it break to know what living really is
because the realest of all emotions is letting yourself be vulnerable,
letting yourself feel loved and to feel love.

The heart sits behind a ribcage, but it's not meant to be hidden away,
it is there to remind you to breathe because in one swift moment
when your ribcage exposes your heart, someone will steal your breath
and death is not the result but the start of feeling alive.

Why else do we say, 'some people leaves us breathless'?

Here obsessing over celebrities and singers that don't even know I exist

In love with fictional characters that are only part of a story

And falling for strangers I won't ever see again

Step 1
In the age of the doom
Try and enlighten the gloom
because your mind has been twisted
blinded by negative criticism
a misguided decision on who you are
as a person.
If you think the world is dying,
that trying is a burden and a pointless task
just ask yourself, should I plant sunflowers
just to make things look prettier?
because in the age of the doom
don't let chaos consume your mind
because beauty can still exist.

Step 2
It is ok to love yourself
and be selfish from time to time.
You are wonderfully made
with all different shade of colours
so if make-up is your cover
than do what makes you happy.
You do not need to help everyone
sometimes helping yourself
is enough help as it is.
Love others and love yourself
because not everyone is as helpless
as you'd imagined.

Step 3
Be you**
Not the you that others like
but the you that you are comfortable with,
the you that you like
because as clear as day and night,
the only person that matters is you.

___________

There is a flower growing between the cracks in a wall
and the saddest thing is it is not getting enough
sunlight nor water to grow but it survives
simply by the admiration and love
that it gains by surrounding viewers.

There is a flower that grew in the dark,
that grew between cracks in the ground,
between the cracks in the walls
and it is the most beautiful flower I have ever seen.

Oh honey, depression isn't pretty,
it isn't suppose to be,
people always connect sadness
with depression
but the connection is different,
it is a train of thought
like a chain cut short,
that is sturdily held together
but it doesn't last forever,
it is an armour that is worn
and polished everyday
just to say, 'I'm not sure'.

Oh honey, depression isn't pretty;
it isn't suppose to be,
and I want you to know clearly,
that there are always people
out there, somewhere,
who appreciate you for you
and who is nothing more than
a teardrop or a sweat dripping
away from help.

Some might ask,
'Are you depressed?'
and I can say, 'no I'm not',
so what I write is an expression of mind,
of how I wish you could find, that you
have a chance, because you deserve that chance,
the past is the past, a certain glance at the future
says that you could be doing so much more
and if you don't want to, that's your choice
but honey, depression isn't pretty
and it isn't suppose to be,
but you sure are beautiful,
so please keep staying strong
and marching on.