with no hope for a blink of relief,
you are wandering smoke in my eyes that sting
you fill my head with buzzing bees
and attack my lungs with tar unseen

your honey coated throat sings of suicide
unbeknownst to you how many times I've cried
for all you see is the bad in things
it's killing you, no matter how slowly

do you remember that violent storm
when my blood kept your skin warm?
all I do is miss the rain,
why can't winter come and stay?

despite these things I see in you a light
can't open your eyes, try though I might
imagined emptiness engulfs your brain
will you ever be mine again?

do your fingers try to get me high?
touches like heroine as you pull up my skirt
I know the bruises aren't meant to hurt
at the end of our affair, at the end of the night
all I have are imprints of your teeth on my thigh
how much energy I can continue to exert
with feelings in such disconcert?
if only you also wished to be mine...

a lit cigarette with hope wearing thin,
for awhile I can keep my own ember alive;
if for too long you forget to breathe me in,
I will quiet, and meekly meet my demise.

for years I have felt of stone
pale, grey-veined marble untouched by bare hands
separated by barriers tangible and otherwise

my skin was lusting for the heat of humanity
I missed you the way a stillborn misses the intake of breath
until the day you invited me into your bed and
took a chisel to my heart and head

these cracks run deep

you can be found in the magma below my belly button
the pure pumice coming from between my lips
I may have jagged ridges with the power to cut
because I am viscous yet

may you dance through these fractures like water and soften my edges

within each of us is the spiraling turbulence of a pacific wave
undoubtedly powerful, an ever present energy
able to shift like the tectonic plates or like a hummingbird's wings
to elevate euphoria or trap souls in sea foam

rainbow fish with the most beautiful teeth
swimming in circles around my head
******* breath out of my lungs
so suddenly that I sob my mothers name
and even the name of the god that I do not know
before the darkness of the lack of oxygen leaves me in a daze
and floating on the floor in a pool of my own sweat
clear like diamond tears from a dragon who lost its fire

whose only intent is to **** me father down into the shadows
as cold as the belly of a glacier
where I can finally catch a clear glimpse of my own soul
battered and tarnished and stained
i wish somebody could save me from this
fish seemingly beautiful but full of hate and
I don’t know where the hate came from
it suddenly rose in me at
first like a gentle drizzle and then became a tidal wave
that will flatten anything and all that wanders into its way
I don’t even know if I am capable of love anymore
will the monsters leave
wont they go

I need to shrink like alice
and go far away from this life that others have built for me
I am rapunzel in her tower I am trapped
but I cut off my own hair in a fit of self hate
and now have no way to escape
the only thing I can do is wait
but how am I supposed to change when I am locked away
in my own mind and nobody can come in
and nobody can help
and I don't know how to save myself