You are like a cigarette
I take you in to my lungs and hold you there
And even when you're gone I can still taste you on my lips.
You are like nicotine
Because I know that you are bad for me
But I'll keep going back for more
In the future you will make me sick to my stomach
They'll find me dead
They'll crack open my sternum and find the remnants of you still in my chest.
They'll see my empty lungs from where you've taken my breath away
But like a cigarette, for now, I'll keep smoking.

Forty five is the worst number ever,
It's how many days it took for me to realize we wouldn't be together.

Number one is the second worst for it only makes my heart ache,
Because with one more day, one more hour, one more minuet I could have proven to you that this was all a big mistake.

I keep telling myself "it'll all be okay",
But inside I know it really won't because my world didn't use to look gray.

I guess I should have known that you didn't really love me,
But for some reason or another I thought "together forever" was a guarantee.

So as I lay in my bed writing these words I hope you understand,
That this life is just to painful to continue without you in my hands.

And as I say goodbye to this world and hello to a new one,
I'm not the least bit afraid because I just want my life to be done.

i told her that her jokes were
always funny. that they always brightened up
my day, that she was the one who brings a
smile across my face without even
trying.

but, then i told her that the one joke
that i couldn't tolerate was the one
about self-harm. she looked up at me,
and i swear her heartrate soared,
and then said,
"i understand, it won't happen again."
i looked at her, confused.
why was that so easy to say?
i then looked down at my wrist and
gulped a bit louder than i should,
and she got out from behind her desk
and then proceeded to say,
"I did it as well, i cut in highschool."

i stared blankly at her,
not expecting to hear that
she knows the fears i have.
she knows of what its like to
have a blade go across your skin,
she knows.

i hate that she knows.
i hate that she went through that,
that she knows that feeling.
i hate it.

but, at the same time, im glad
she knows, because maybe she can
be the one who helps me from
going on some relapse
frenzy.

i just hope that
maybe she wants to
be the one who
helps me.

I like to watch and observe people

For all I know
That guy over there
Just got his heart broken
By the girl of his dreams

For all I know
My classmate who's an outcast
Has had intense family problems
A broken, maybe even abusive, family

For all I know
Miss Popular, who everyone fears
Is actually scared of herself
Scared that she'll turn into the monsters
Monsters her parents have become

For all I know
Class Clown, who makes everyone laugh
Has the biggest problems
Cries herself to sleep at night
So close to killing himself

For all I know
I dont know anything
One thing I'm sure of is that
Everyone has a problem
No matter how big or small
To each one of us it's all the same
A burden

You were a substitute
For something I once had
A second - best replacement
To one whom I once loved

I took advantage of your affections
Your sincerity and love
And used it for my own selfish desires
To numb the pain in my heart

You were my perfect revenge to him
To show I've moved on
Because you were loving and gentle
Something he once were

At first, I felt triumphant
Yet empty as it all seems
You were never good enough
The same way he was to me.

You were the exact opposite
Devoted, faithful, and true
But I still wasn't satisfied
Because he wasn't you

And every time I held your hand
Or flirted back at you
All I can think about was him
And what he always used to do

Like when he'd whisper sweet nothings
You would shout it out to the world
He would hold me close and short
You'd prefer to never let me go

Yet why couldn't I
Belong to you like I did to him
Love you as much, even more
Than what I used to give

But his memories continues to haunt me
Though you were always there
And as I look at you
I always see him

I couldn't hurt you any longer
That would just be unfair
To keep comparing you to him
In every way I can

So, to finally end
I'm sorry, I never loved you
Or reciprocated your sincerity in any way
But I would not keep hold of you any longer.

As cliche as it may sound to you
I know it does to me
I'm sorry, just know it wasn't you
It has always been me.

For every tear drop that has fallen in your name
A thousand began from your laugh
For every thought of your beautiful self
A million resurrected from my memory of your smile and kiss
For every exotic smell I have inhaled
I would trade them all for one more gasp of your heavenly scent
For every meaningful conversation I have heard without you by my side
I would forget each slyable without question in trade of you saying my name one more time- like you did when you called me your everything
For every handshake, high five, hug, *******
I would trade my right hand for one more chance to blindly trace a pattern around your goddess body after making love
For ever voice I have heard since yours, every greeting, every introduction, every goodbye
I would trade my voice to hear you forever call me yours, forever and ever.

When I look in the mirror,
I dont see what you see.
To me it feels like the whole world is targeting me!
Despite all the pain and hardships I seen,
It has changed what I have inside of me.
I envy all the bad things,
My reflection is starting to scare me
Why won't it stop?
The voices inside just won't leave!
I regret looking in the mirror,
That's bouncing back at me.
The voices are telling me wrong
Hiding the rightness behind those hidden walls
When I look in the mirror,
The same thing happens to me
I reach back to the past,
Where I shouldn't be
It hurts,
Cuz' I don't want to relive my sad memories
I try to be strong for others
But I'm dying on the inside
When I look in the mirror,
I don't see what you see
To me it feels like the whole world is targeting me
Despite all the pain and hardships I seen
It WILL NOT change what I have inside of me!