The most beautiful words I think to myself
Words I never imagined I could put together
Words that, alone, are merely letters
Words that bring forth feelings of raw emotion and shake my body
All are always created from the thought of you and how much I truly miss you in my empty life.
For every tear drop that has fallen in your name
A thousand began from your laugh
For every thought of your beautiful self
A million resurrected from my memory of your smile and kiss
For every exotic smell I have inhaled
I would trade them all for one more gasp of your heavenly scent
For every meaningful conversation I have heard without you by my side
I would forget each slyable without question in trade of you saying my name one more time- like you did when you called me your everything
For every handshake, high five, hug, *******
I would trade my right hand for one more chance to blindly trace a pattern around your goddess body after making love
For ever voice I have heard since yours, every greeting, every introduction, every goodbye
I would trade my voice to hear you forever call me yours, forever and ever.
In just a few days time, our one year anniversary will arrive.
I still can hear your words resonate in me, your pure joy expressing why the 4th was your favorite holiday.
Reflecting on those moments makes my heart stop; my body tingles and I become bombarded with flashbacks of our endless nights kissing. The ones when neither of us would be tired, regardless of our exhausting days and lifestyles.
I begin to think about how in love we were; the way the color of your blue eyes exploded with passion and pure joy. My eyes have not been able to see vivid colors like that anymore.
I recall your scent; the way your luscious hair bounced around your heavy shoulders and that way it used to fall upon me as you listened to my heart beat so fast because for five years being with you gave me butterflies.
I think about listening to Beatles albums with you as we dissected lyrics and I watched the freckles around your nose dance. I fell in love with you all over again every time I was with you, regardless of the hard times and pains we endured together.
In a few days we will be celebrating our one year anniversary of not being together. You will be spending it with your new mate, and I will be thinking about all we still had left to experience and create. I can picture the enthusiasm on your face and then I look at mine and see the result through my bloodshot eyes and quivering lip.
After you decided for both of us it was time to say our last words to each other, and gave me my last glance into your eyes which had become my sunrise and sunset, I knew I would never be the same and I needed you more than a growing garden needs heavens rain.
After all we created together, from starting as two complete strangers and over time turning into best friends and hopeless lovers - after 5 years of thinking about one another everyday non stop, you were able to turn that off without hesitation and become someone else's world.
The life I remember and the person I yearned for was left next to my empty pint of Blue Moon at that bar in Chicago on that Fourth of July summer night.
I will never understand how if you promised it was all real and true, you were able to move along without a speed bump detouring your journey, like a freshly fueled jet on a one way destination equipped with no rear view mirror in an endless sky with no turbulence.
I hope the eyes I see in my dreams look to the sky and see those fireworks explode brighter than ever. I hope that the smell of gunpowder is more potent then before. I pray that somehow you will be reminded of the kisses we shared under my maple tree. And I hope that one day again, you will be able to call me your baby.
My heart aches, my head keeps replaying all this **** - the same **** I need to forget.
I need to move on because I still revolve around you after 7 speechless months.
I'm living a life dominated by constant thoughts of your life without me.
I need to move on because the heart you promised belonged to me for eternity took the last train back home knowing I was left shattered.
Without you I have lost my way, but now I am ready to rediscovered who I need to be.
As I stare amongst the Southern Cross I can't help but rethink about our hopes, dreams, ****-ups, ***** and fights together.
I WANT more from you than one can fathom. These days go by faster and faster; with you time seemed to understand a moment of perfection and became selfless with endless seconds.
I WANT you to endure eternal happiness and I NEED to allow your search to continue without me.
Smoking a cigarette searching for my Southern Cross, and all I can think about is your smile and scent traveling through hemispheres, praying that you are looking to the sky and thinking about the love we experienced and grew, together.
— The End —