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Cassian Feb 17
I’m almost seventeen…

Next year, I’ll stand on the edge of time,
a senior, while he lingers behind.
Happy birthday to me—
one step further, one year more,
always just ahead of him.

Is this how Bella felt in Twilight,
watching the days slip through her fingers,
aging past the one she loved?

But if every birthday
is a moment spent with you,
then let the years come—
I’ll cherish them all,
so long as they belong to us.
Cassian Feb 21
I’m so selfish, I confess,
I miss your smile, though you're sad.
Even as the sorrow lingers,
I long for joy I once had.

I wish I could ease your pain,
But all I can do is miss,
The light in your eyes, the warmth in your laugh,
Even when you're lost in the abyss.

- Sun
Cassian Sep 2024
I’m weary, tired, shadows near,  
But like the song, I’ll persevere.  
Sick of the struggle, longing for peace,  
Yet I’m still standing, my heart won’t cease.  

Though feeling done, there’s still a spark,  
You know I’ll rise, igniting the dark.  
With every challenge, I’ll find my way,  
Just like the lyrics, I’ll seize the day.
made to read while listening to I'm Still Standing lol
Cassian Nov 2024
I was sitting quietly

Because it's what I'm best at

But I just had to ask

Out of everyone who spoke

Why did y'all enjoy

The youngest's poem most?

Last I checked Nyx

Was roughly ten years old

- Dylan
Cassian Nov 2024
One word and a forgotten ache

Starts to burn

One sentence and I wish I

Could've learned

So many mistakes in life

Such a disgrace

I see a name and feel such

Overwhelming shame

Forcing my brain to give in til

I'm going insane
Cassian Dec 2024
Death-defying

Darkness underlying

People are dying

Stop staring at me

Why aren't you all crying

All those smiles are fake

A snake in human skin

Your eyes scream at me

A broken person in hiding
Cassian Feb 17
Time rushes past—too quick to hold,
but I’d spend forever in your world.
Each second fades like falling rain,
yet with you, I’d lose time again.

The stars still shine, the winds still call,
but nothing matters, not at all—
except the way you say my name,
the way your love still soothes my pain.

Flowers bloom where graves remain,
love and loss both carved the same.
But if this life means holding you,
I’d suffer fate, I’d see it through.

Someday, when skies are warm and clear,
when lilies bloom and winds turn near,
you’ll find the love we left behind,
never lost—just intertwined.
Cassian Sep 2024
Invisible without a coat of unnatural powders on my skin
Strolling unnoticed through crowds in big hoodies
Hot days ruin my usual calm and the outfit is swapped
Exchanged for a simple skirt and shirt
I do up my face to hide my discomfort with my clothing
Eyes linger on me much longer than necessary
Constant glances from women and men
I know when I'm home I'll wash and in an instant
I will simply disappear again
For in my most comfortable, I have found
I am invisible
I hate makeup
Cassian Feb 19
Is it really

Depression

If you can acknowledge

That you're not ok?

Is it really

Denial

If you know why

It turned out this way?

Is it really

Anxiety

If you have a

Valid reason to worry?
Cassian Feb 24
5:30 AM, so early, yet I lie,  
Thoughts of you swirling, I can't deny.  
Wishing for you, longing in the quiet,  
In the stillness, my heart can't keep silent.  

Waiting for you, in the dark of night,  
Until the first rays of morning's light.  
And as the sun rises, so does my view,  
In that moment, it's only you I choose.
Cassian Nov 2024
I want connections

But feel better off simply hiding

Sitting alone in the dark depths

Of my closet back at home


I want attention

But feel better off without strangers

Eyes resting on me at all times

I'll hide on the inside
Cassian Feb 20
What words will be on my tombstone..?

Will they say I was a fighter...?

Or will they call me weak..?

Will they say I did my best...?

That I tried every challenge and every test..?

Or will they say that I was ill...?

My mental and physical fortitude was nonexistent...?

My smiles and effort did not matter at all..?

I don't want to go...

I want to stay...

I want to fight...

Spend the rest of my life...

With them...

With Ciel...

Making him smile...

Kissing away their tears...

Sharing our hopes and fears...

I will live

I WILL live

I WILL LIVE

I will fight, will never give up, will never give in

I am strong. I will win.

- Saeyuri
a poem from a sick boy
Cassian Feb 21
I'm so worried, I can't sleep,
But that's selfish, isn't it?
You're the one in pain,
You're the one who struggles with it.

I have no excuse to feel this way,
My tears, my sobs, my sleepless nights,
They undermine your pain,
And in the end, I feel I only care about myself, in spite.

I can't stand seeing you like this,
I wish I could bundle you up,
Take all your sadness and pain away,
And shield you from it all—if I could.

- Cas
Cassian Nov 2024
I wonder how life would be

If I still remembered who I was

I wonder if I would be happier

If I hadn't lost myself to

Other's expectations

I wonder what I would see

If my mind was able to dream

I wonder what would happen

If I was reborn as a bird

Would I be 100% free?
Cassian Sep 2024
A thoughtfulness may come from simply sitting still
Silence, noise, darkness, light… Endless changes
Endless thrill… Sitting still… Being real…
Real.. Standing in remembrance that you are real
Grab a book and flip through the pages… Learn.
Actually absorb the information placed in your hands.
Expand your vocabulary and further your beliefs.
Be able to truely, thoroughly overpower others by actually knowing.
Know the cause of true evil and the names and dates of the people.
Turn back through time and live through history.
The real history and not the one taught to us in school.
Read the books banned by the school board.
Learn the things that no one has ever bothered to teach.
Become successful and thrive. Thrive! Thrive!
Prove everyone who has always told you off wrong.
The world may be cruel but you can live.
Living is one of the bravest things that someone who is afraid could truely do.
Live, sit, breathe, think, remember, learn, thrive, develop, teach, and be real.
Cassian Sep 2024
A thoughtfulness may come from simply sitting still,
But stillness can echo with a haunting chill.
Silence, noise, darkness, light… Endless changes,
Endless thrill… yet beneath it, sorrow arranges.
Sitting still… being real… in a world that feels unreal.
Each heartbeat a reminder of the wounds we conceal.

Grab a book and flip through the pages, but know,
The weight of knowledge carries a burden of woe.
Absorb the truths that fracture your heart,
Expand your vocabulary, but feel the world fall apart.
Overpower others with the knowledge you wield,
Yet realize that knowing can leave you unhealed.

Know the cause of true evil, the names and the dates,
Each lesson learned carved deeper your fates.
Turn back through time and feel every loss,
The voices of the fallen, the shadows they toss.
Read the books banned, the truths long suppressed,
Unravel the fabric of a past, unaddressed.

You strive to be successful, to thrive in despair,
But each victory reminds you of those who don’t care.
Prove everyone wrong, but at what cost to your soul?
In a world so cruel, do you ever feel whole?
Living is brave, yet a lonely endeavor,
A battle fought daily, with no promise of ever.

Live, sit, breathe, think, remember, learn,
In the ashes of hope, watch the embers still burn.
Thrive, develop, teach, and be real,
Yet the ache of existence can make it hard to feel.
The world may be waiting, but you’re still adrift,
In the silence that lingers, find the heart’s rift.

Sitting still in the shadows, your mind takes flight,
In the depths of the darkness, you search for the light.
But sometimes the light only casts deeper the night,
And the weight of your thoughts pulls you further from sight.
Cassian Feb 21
If you crochet all night,
Your hands will cramp with time.
Pray to whichever god you choose,
And kiss the child goodnight.

My love, you deserve some sleep,
Rest your weary soul awhile.
Close your eyes and let the world
Fade into peace, if only for a while.

- Iolite
Cassian Dec 2024
Laughing at myself
And how I forgot caffeine makes me sick

Of all the ways
I could've woken myself why's that what I picked?

A brief nausea as
Exhaustion rests behind my eyes

Reading all night again
Could quite possibly bring about my demise

Perhaps some sleep
Would be healthier than obsessing over pages

Of a novel
As time goes by sitting for ages and ages
Cassian Nov 2024
One of my exes has

Chosen to tell everyone

That is the reason we had ended

Was as simply because I was gay

However, he himself is bi and

I happen to be pan

The truth behind the end

Stands as follows

He was a cheat

And I walked away

I chose not to even

Deal with pointless sorrows

I will not even crumble

He will be the only who weeps

For his lies have fueled my rage

My rage has fueled his downfall

And I hate him most of all
Cassian Nov 2024
What is life's purpose?

Can it be defined?

Are we meant to live

Only to finally die?

Are we meant to grieve

For all the ones we've lost?

Are we meant for happiness?

If so perhaps I can be calm

But at what cost?
Cassian Dec 2024
Your precious little girl

To you that's all I'll ever be

Though I confided in you

Back when I was questioning

I figured myself out

But for now, I will sit pretty

Because I'm my papa's little girl

Whether or not I want to be
Cassian Jan 9
Looking back

Laughing at the past

Feeling less like trash

Looking back

Watching the flames burn

Falling in the ash

Looking back

Data overload the computer

Starts to crash

But I'm still looking back
Cassian Oct 2024
I can't remember your name anymore.

Your face has been lost in my mind.

I think we were friends once.

You've been gone for a long time.

Were you real or imaginary?

A voice inside my head?

I can't seem to find your face.

Deep inside my mind.

I have a feeling you were important.

Whether you were real or not.

Where did you go?

How far away?

I suppose those are things.

I will never know.
Cassian Feb 17
Beneath the rain, I find my place,  
The world a blur of passing time,  
Maybe I’m lost, or maybe I’m free,  
In the silence where shadows climb.  

I reach for light that never fades,  
Through all the fear that fills my chest,  
The love we sought, the years we missed,  
Maybe in darkness, we find our rest.  

Hands will hold, hearts will soar,  
Through every battle, we endure,  
I feel your warmth, though miles apart,  
Maybe it’s love that heals the heart.  

Through all of this fight, we rise,  
In every tear, in every lie,  
I see you standing by my side,  
Upwards, we rise, our souls collide.  

Through the chaos, through the still,  
Maybe we’ll find a place to heal,  
But in the storm, you’re all I need,  
Together, we’re free, together, we breathe.  

And when the night is cold and long,  
I’ll find you in the fading dawn,  
Maybe we’ll be fine, maybe we’ll fall,  
But together, we will rise above it all.
Cassian Apr 4
Marbles in my pocket

Little ***** of glass

My pieces of light

From the sun

Marbles in my pocket

I think I could love

The one they were from

Marbles in my pocket

You picked em just for me

My smile, you like to see

Marbles in my pocket

And you

Sitting

Next

To

Me

- Raeyza
Cassian Nov 2024
Tell me answers

To all of life's hardships

Because I am lost

Hold back my hair

As I choke out false answers

And flush them away

Teach me how to be happy

Instead of a ball of stress

Because all is not as it seems

The twists and turns of

This sense of false security

Is a maze that attempts

To take away my mind
ME
Cassian Oct 2024
ME
I can't look up

My eyes are glued to the ground

I stand taller just to be pushed down

Always smile and never frown

Don't let them see they won over me

Just be quiet and obedient

And get home free

Who cares if they're younger

I know they're stronger

At least they tolerate me

So I'll keep my head down

Never let them see

What they do to me

I'll keep my voice in

They want my food

So I'll let them take it

Those boys...

They're so much bigger than

ME
Cassian Sep 2024
Your face haunts my dreams
I hear your voice saying my name
I used to love hearing it but it's twisted now
You are gone but in my mind
Memories fade and change with time
I remember you cared
I have forgotten why because I know
I know the truth that you left me alone to cry
I'm done fighting the past
Finished reliving all of my mistakes
I don't even miss you anymore it's been too long
I see you every day walking in the halls
Heard you had a girlfriend now but I really don't care
It's been a year since we ended
You still give me your hat and play cards with me
The only fight I can beat you at
Poker and Blackjack
Cassian Sep 2024
I'm in the dark
Sometimes I'm ok
I never feel anything
My emotions are fake
I copy others expressions
I cry without reason
Smiles are real now
I hide my laugh from view
I'm not scared of the dark
I sleep with a light
I listen to music to relax
It doesn't block out the sounds of night
My mind is contradictory
My thoughts don't feel like mine
I think I'm losing my mind
The shadows say I'm fine
Cassian Oct 2024
My mind is broken

No longer thinking me or I

My brain says we

I see things sometimes

Might need to get some sleep

I've heard sounds before

I should see a shrink

I swear I saw a ******* bird

It slammed right into my window

One would think there'd be a scratch

My window is spotless

Sometimes my light flickers

Maybe it's just my eyes

I think I'm lost

I'm losing my mind

Getting pulled in

Soon to be trapped inside

People stare at me

I desperately want to hide
Cassian Sep 2024
Parfois, j'ai tellement peur.
J'essaie de me cacher dans ma chambre.
Recroquevillée sur moi-même, les yeux fermés.
J'essaie de me cacher de mes peurs et de ma douleur.
Le monstre ne se cache pas dans mon placard.
Il n'est pas sous mon lit.
Il est à l'intérieur de mon cerveau, caché au plus profond.
Il est le fruit de mon imagination.
Il me laisse terrifié.
La cause de tous mes cauchemars.
Un monstre qui semble bien réel.
Je perds peu à peu le fil de ma réalité.
J'ai du mal à réfléchir.
Je vais me débarrasser de mes peurs.
Avec l'eau de l'évier.

(Sometimes I get so scared.
I try to hide in my room.
Curled up, eyes closed.
I try to hide from my fears and my pain.
The monster isn't hiding in my closet.
It's not under my bed.
It's inside my brain, hidden deep inside.
He's a figment of my imagination.
It leaves me terrified.
The cause of all my nightmares.
A monster that seems very real.
I'm gradually losing touch with reality.
It's hard to think.
I'm going to get rid of my fears.
With water from the sink.)
hello poetry meet my fav languages today lol
Cassian Sep 2024
Wake up in the morning before my alarm
Get dressed and sit in silence
Wait til I hear a sound from the other rooms
Go to wash my face, brush my teeth
Walk down the stairs fully prepared to leave
Get to work for just an hour
When the bell rings it's time for me to run
School has started, hell has begun
my morning 6 am to 8:30 am
Cassian Oct 2024
My brain is a twisted web,
A tangled mess of thoughts,
I don't even know all that’s in there—
Sometimes it feels like I’m going insane.

Never have I been more afraid,
Self-loathing hits an all-time high;
I can't decide whether to cry
Or let go entirely, wishing to die.
Cassian Dec 2024
Mother, dearest

I think you pretend to love me

You live so far away

Leaving your lost child to watch

Watching for a message that never comes

Why does it never come?

Why do you say you love me but never try?

It hurts you know

Being ignored by you could make me cry

Compared to my brothers living there

I wonder if perhaps you simply don't care
Cassian Feb 20
Memories fade fast,  
Childhood whispers in the breeze,  
Gone, but still they last.
Cassian Dec 2024
I had a best friend once

Who told me things friends should do

She said they held hands so we did

She kissed me and said it was normal

Slow danced with me during worship at church

Sat on my lap while the pastor said his piece

Told me friends loved each other so I tried to

Until middle school me found the older girl lied
Cassian Oct 2024
For those who wonder

What my costume may be

On this lovely Halloween day

It has changed many times

Until I finally came to decide

I am the most realistic thing

That someone of my standing

And my personality may be

So for today, I have dressed as

What I see myself to be

Today I am a dead poet

Do you not see how well it fits

For someone as strange as me

So happy Halloween, my dear

Have all happiness and no fear

Everything is just pretend

Built for your enjoyment
Cassian Jan 6
A place for you is in my heart

A hole forms when we're apart

Your hand is all mine needs

As you're more important

Than the very air I breathe
Cassian Apr 4
I want to cut my hair

Not just as a change of style

But to express how I feel inside

To make myself more comfortable

Living in my own skin

I want to cut it short

Shorter than ever before

More boyish than not

I want to cut my hair

A short, fluffy wolf cut

Even if it means more people

At school will mock me for

Being queer as they throw

Their slurs at me like stones

I wonder if those idiots know

That before it was used to describe

A gay person.. The word ****** meant

A bundle of sticks used for fuel

And in some countries

When talking about a

Cigarette they call

It a ***

I wonder

Who is

The

******

Now.

You thought I didn't hear you?
Cassian Feb 20
Are my words beautiful, do they hold weight?
Do they have meaning, or just imitate?
All of them feel so endlessly reused...
I write to enjoy the feeling I’ve abused.

But I feel nothing, no emotion found,
These words are empty, drifting all around.
Still, I answered the call without regret,
So self-absorbed, I can't escape this set.

That’s all I am, just drifting with the tide,
My words pour out, they come, they will not hide.
Mailbox full of emails, spam once again,
I write as long as I can, but it’s in vain.

Until the **** finally hits the fan...
Cassian Oct 2024
Plug in my headphones

Put my volume on max

Drown all the voices out

I did what I needed to

So now I might as well

Listen to my rock

Up until the bell

People call me old-fashioned

Just because my music isn't new

But 90's and 2000's punk rock

Treats me just fine

So their opinions can wait

Until next time
Cassian Dec 2024
My friend wants me to change my name

They decided to use the same

A decision that has lasted for months

Brushed aside by one of short days

No longer may I be Onyx

Merely a shadow hidden by the sun's rays
Cassian Oct 2024
You grab my hands in yours

Reminding me I'm special

You slip bracelets on my wrists

Reminding me you're here

You paint my nails black

Reminding me that you care

You spray me with your cologne

A good luck charm for my test

I pass with flying colors

And love you more than the rest

My friend, you are so special

I want to keep you close

If I lost you as well

It would hurt more than most

Please stay my friend forever
Cassian Dec 2024
I wish I could write a poem about love

But I have only experienced loss

I wish I could write a song suited to my voice

But I keep running out of words

I long to put someone first

But I've never felt absolute joy

So I'll write my own kind of poem

That I can sing out loud

Perfection is not of importance

I feel less lonely now
Cassian Oct 2024
I have a stuffed Raccoon

I call him Poe to myself

Though when people ask his name

I must introduce him properly

For to strangers he shall be called his proper name

I have a stuffed raccoon

One who sleeps by my pillow at night

Named after a poet

One of my favorite poets in fact

So since to him you are all strangers

I shall now introduce him properly

My silly raccoon plushie

Who wears a blue bow

His name is Poe

Edgar Allen Poe
Cassian Oct 2024
All too soon

Your time is up

If he sees you

Play a merry tune

The piper

Standing there

Around the corner

Take a look

Are you looking?

There's a mystery

Trouble's cooking

Hold your breath

Can you hear that?

It's on it's way

Here come's death.
Cassian Feb 17
I hear so many lovers swear,
"I'd die for you,"—as if they dare.
But love like that, so light, so thin,
Is more a whisper than a vow within.

A promise spoken, easy to break,
A weight most hearts can never take.

But here and now, I swear to you—
Not just in words, but all I do:

I’d live for you, **** for you,
Laugh with you, cry with you.
I’d fight for you, break for you,
Give my soul, my self, for you.

Not just to die, but to endure—
My everything is yours.

And for those of us who’ve known the night,
That promise carries all its might.
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