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Cassian Feb 25
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday

Rinse, Repeat, live those days again, a different week...

Going into a different month... Up until a new year

Saturday... My birthday... One year older...

Just another month of school

For a junior with a C in history

And in AP English Lit

I thought I was smart

But my A's and B's

Are marred by 2 C's

And my perfection is

Now farther behind

Happy birthday to you

You're now seventeen

New rules... New curfew

Same hair... Same clothes...

Same stuck in the closet

Stupid and pathetic

Scared of everything

Lazy and insignificant

Me.
Cassian Apr 4
Nice to meet you

Let's be friends

You're so cool

It's true!

Let's see how this ends

You're not a fool!

It's true

Long ago, you became

The love of my life

But nice to meet you

I'll just love you again

Remind you since you

Have forgotten now

The feel of my hands

And my lips

My voice

And name

Sometimes

I hate the

Human

Brain

- Aspen
Cassian Feb 19
What am I running away from?

And where am I going?

Beautiful flowers of hope are wilting...

As anxiety grows in its stead

After once again my parents tell me

Why I never have any friends.

Is it really my fault...?

They don't like the queer, autistic, seemingly optimistic

Secretly pessimistic "the meaning of life is to die"

Teen who is so quick to cry

So who cares if I have no friends?

I've had plenty of fake ones but

They never stayed in the end

So what if I have no friends?

I have my boyfriend he's enough..

So... why does it hurt...?

Why do I have no friends?
Cassian Nov 2024
I feel exposed

Absolutely defenseless

These judgmental people

And their rumors that cut

Straight through to my core

I sit silently hoping that maybe

They'll stop but they all seem to

Think I'm begging for more
Cassian Mar 26
Breathe in, breathe out

I am not quite sad

For I am not without

You are by my side

Even though it's

Different this time

And your happiness

Is my source of pride

I don't care that you

Are not mine

All I want

Is you to

Be fully

Happy
just keep smiling for me - Mune
Cassian Mar 2
..Waited all day for presents that never came

As all my hopes were washed down the drain

Maybe they'll arrive on Monday is what they say

I guess they just don't understand how important

It is for a teenager to get presents on their birthday

Mine from them is a surprise, which I hate beyond

Demise, they say, that I'll find out at the end of April

But that is a month and a half away from now....
Cassian Feb 26
Why fear the dark
when you can become its night?
Take up your blade—
let your truth shine in its gleam.

Wear each scar
as a medal of your strength,
and let the echoes of doubt
fade into the silence.

Close your eyes, breathe deep—
in the dewy hush of morning,
feel the wild freedom of unbound hair,
a quiet rebellion against every label.

Boy, girl, or the soul in between—
your body is a canvas
of resilience and luminous truth,
an artful ode to who you truly are.

- Harley (He/They)
Cassian Oct 2024
The clock is ticking down

Why does time pass so slowly?

I feel years older already

Though only days have gone by

Life is harder without their smiles

I wish they still wanted me around

Friendship was what fueled me

Now my soul is breaking down

I wonder how long it will take

For me to realize it was my mistake

That scared them all away

A year? A month? A week? A day?

No, I feel I already knew

But not exactly what I'd done

I miss them dearly

Their smiles were my sun

The world shines less brightly now

My school days feel grey

I want them back but...

I'll get used to it
Cassian Oct 2024
Just realized something

I write poems about Identity

As well as poems about gender

BUT

I forgot to update my gender

Time to add the right gender

Ooh and pronouns too!

Showing who I am

So have a smile

From me to you! :)
Cassian Sep 2024
Deep breath in....
Hold for two....
Blow it out...
Over and over till
Your pulse goes down
Close your eyes
Count to ten
Don't let your anxiety win
Not again
No time for panic attacks
Try to keep calm
Reach out to your friends
They've been there all along
You aren't alone
You'll be ok...
But what if you are alone..?
What if you can't calm down?
Tell me what I'm supposed to do now
When the panic has set in
And the air has left my lungs
I will not pray.. Not a Christian
Should I curl into a ball?
Just wait for it to go away?
You dont always have people to hold on to
Cassian Nov 2024
Hold my hand gently,  
Let me take your pain away,  
Rest in peace with me.
A haiku for all my friends who've been hurting or crying lately. I love y'all
Cassian Sep 2024
Keep throwing your rocks
And watch me fall
I'm starting to crack
My heart hurts
My minds dying
But keep throwing your rocks
Say more hurtful words
**** me even more
I'm falling apart
I can't take much more
Keep throwing your rocks
I'm a person made of glass
Keep throwing your rocks
I'm ready to leave
Please make me disappear
Childhood bullying builds character right?
Cassian Sep 2024
I know how to play the notes
I memorized the tune
The timing sets in easily
Learned sheet music to "Talking to the Moon"
But every time someone's watching
Even if they just walked into the room
My fingers slip and a sour note plays
Maybe I really am just a waste of space
Cassian Feb 21
I wake to the sound of sobs,
small, hiccuping, afraid.
The air is thick with panic,
the kind that doesn’t have words.

They’re curled up, clutching tight to nothing,
lost in a world too big,
too loud, too much.

I move slowly, steady,
lower my voice, soften my hands.
I am the anchor now,
the shield against what they can’t fight.

“It’s okay,” I murmur,
though I know it isn’t, not for them.
Not yet.

But I let them hold my sleeve,
let them cry until the shaking fades,
until their breaths even out,
until they know—
I am here.
im too old for this
Cassian Nov 2024
Life feels way too long

Like my playlist of 600 songs

My mind is way too loud

Like in game of hide n seek


I wish to be found

Loneliness is all I know

Calming down by breathing slow

Smiling when I wish to frown

Swimming in the ocean just to drown


Lost in a deep dark nightmare

Shying away from the latest jump scare

Closing my eyes and hiding away

Wondering if life will be any different today


My life is on pause waiting for someone

Anyone who would search for me

Just to come and press play
Cassian Oct 2024
Pat the head a few times

Get a happy purr

Trail your hand down the back

Tussle the fur

Give lots of yummy treats

Fill up a hungry belly

Call a name that he will remember

Your sweet little one

He is such a pretty little kitty
i love cats
Cassian Oct 2024
My friends told me

They didn't want me anymore

I scare them you see

They never understood me

I tried to send them away

They promised to stay

What happened to promises?

Now they've all gone away..

I can sit alone at school

Every day
Cassian Dec 2024
Knocking on the door

Fragile knuckles on cold metal

Unable to find warmth

Lacking of any worth

Hidden in the crowd

Alone with everyone around

Someone else wears my crown

Wish I could say I was proud
Cassian Jan 9
My life

My love

My loyalty

You've got it all

What else to you want from me?

Just watch me fall

I can see your eyes on me

Hello to the demon

Standing down the hall

The bane of my existence

Or the reason I'm here after all?

If I'm in trouble

Who should I call?
Cassian Feb 20
Sweet coffee and baklava

"The world is my oyster"

And "I lava you"

Cheesy quotes from

Sappy old blokes

Who were probably

Just like me and you

We say or hear those things

In movies or in shows

Even though they're nothing special...

I wonder what will happen with my words after

We, too, have to go?
- Atlas
Cassian Nov 2024
The sky is crying today

The wind is blowing through

The snails are dying today

Crushed under an unsuspecting shoe

Wonder how many days until I'll see you
Cassian Feb 17
Maybe we’ll be fine,  
Rain and tears meet in the night,  
Hands held through the storm.
Cassian Dec 2024
The seasons never cease to change

Flowing as I sit with my hood down

In the rain washing away unjust notions

Cold little drops kissing my skin

Breathing deep this wet wind

Imagining it erasing all of my sins

Feeling the healing mist

As my pulse thuds in my wrist
Cassian Dec 2024
Mum tells me that high school doesn't matter

The bullies get old and fat and the bullied get rich

Only 20% of the emo girls could actually be a witch

If only she knew how wrong she is

Classes don't matter but people do

Holding on to the closest who care 'bout you

Worrying about who to take to prom

I've got many different options to choose from

No, I'm not popular, and by many I am scorned

- Shiggi
Cassian Feb 25
I claim that God left me

But I was the one who left

I walked away and chose

Some pagan gods of whom

I will pray because I broke

The laws and I made the sins

And I never want to be in a

Room with him... So God

Can walk away... I don't want

Him now... Being called a ******

By Christians is enough to make

A poor kid cry and walk in shame

So tell me I'm going to Hell...

Because that's where I would

Rather be.
Cassian Sep 2024
My brain just broke
I read one word and I died
Not in a bad way don't worry
I just dont know how to reply
I believe its been 20 minutes
I read it over and over
I cant think of what to say
It made me happy?
I feel special?
No that's pathetic
Thank you?
I dont know
I dont understand my mind
I need some time to reboot then I'll reply
you know who you are lol
Cassian Sep 2024
The scar on my hand is mostly faded
The pain decided not to last
My matches are gone
No more smoke in the room
No more burns on my skin
Cassian Jan 24
Memories hiding in the back of my mind

Feeling at ease whenever you're by my side

In the shadows, our past seems to hide

Our realities are mixing, and our fates collide
Cassian Feb 6
Close my eyes

Take a hard look inside

Time to face my memories

I'm so scared of what I'll see

Shielding my eyes from images of sunbeams

Removing fake perceptions like lowly weeds

I need to see my past to get a future

One where you and me are together

So I'll let myself fall deep

Choking as old feelings take root inside me

But I'm not nearly done yet

For you I'll stare into the sun

I would lasso the moon

Just to see a smile from you
Cassian Nov 2024
I can't help but remember when

Flower petals were a sign of innocence

Until one by one they chose to fall

When I was young I used to fit in

But now I stand out most of all

I remember when I had friends

But now I have none by my side

I remember when I could stare at the sun

But now away from its glare I shy
Cassian Dec 2024
A restlessness can be found in

A quiet night that felt too loud

Feeling eyes on me with no one around

A cord of darkness seems to bind

Trying to sleep; to sever the ties

Listening to the coyotes howl

Until the sun finally chooses to rise

The littles are on the prowl
Istg my sibs wake with the sunrise
Cassian Nov 2024
Lights out

Sitting on my bed

Blanket up to my neck

Riverdale's playing on my TV

Gruesome nightmares haunt my daydreams

Tell myself that none of it's real

Though that's not how it feels

All is not as it seems
Cassian Dec 2024
I cross my fingers

And make a wish

Flying to heaven

On the wings of

Your last kiss
Cassian Feb 25
My little brother...

My biggest fear...

My biggest weakness...

The kid I used to hold...

Whose head I used to kiss...

I tried so hard to protect him

Didn't want him to ever change

But he was born different and

How I saw him and how he was

Were never quite the same...

He's left bruises and left scars

Upon my skin and in my heart

As I watched the sickness in his

Brain tear the sweet kid I knew

Apart... His meds they supposedly

Help but he's always going to be

The boy who he was on the inside...

He's strong and he is tall... I am weak

And too small... So I will hide away

From him to keep my life and my

Sanity... til my fears can set me free
Cassian Nov 2024
I am a fighter, not a lover.

For I refuse to fall

I will take the first punch.

And be the first person you call.

I used to be different; A hopeless romantic

But then I  quickly learned that.

Only certain people deserve to be loved.

And people like me are simply curses.

I remember the time my heart yearned

But in the end, I didn't fit in.

My brain was not made.

According to the ideal

Schematics.
Cassian Nov 2024
Got a second message from sgg 2 hours ago

Like hon no this isn't gonna do anything on my computer type XD

Really annoying knowing if it was my personal it would ***** something up

Guys if you get the message report as spam PLEASE
Cassian Feb 20
In the hollow of the night, we drift alone,  
The light a lie, a whisper on the stone.  
We search for warmth, but find the cold instead,  
And wonder why the darkness fills our head.  

The light you crave is faint and far away,  
A fragile hope that flickers, then decays.  
It promises to lift you from despair,  
But leaves you here, abandoned in the air.  

The shadows are not foes, but friends who stay,  
They understand the price we have to pay.  
They linger close, not to torment or break,  
But to remind us of the love we fake.  

For light, it seems, has never filled the hole—  
It only scratches at the edges of the soul.  
And in the dark, where silence fills the space,  
We find a truth too hard for light to face.  

The more we chase, the more we fall behind,  
For what we seek is just a dream confined.  
And in the shadows, we are forced to see,  
That light was never meant to set us free.
a contrasting reply to my friend's poem :> Thanks for letting me write this, Luz! Please read Lights, guys!
Cassian Nov 2024
This Saturday my mother and I

Went to a ballet that behaved more like a play

The name of the show was Dracula and it was fabulous

My mother and I quite enjoyed it

However, I find that it is safe to assume

That the parents of the young children within the room

Were greatly regretting their life choices

After it had ended I saw some very confused toddlers

And found myself silently judging
Cassian Sep 2024
People can not understand what I am
They seem to believe there is only woman and man
I wear clothing based upon my mood
Jeans and a muscle tank or skirts and formfitting shirts
Changing constantly never fitting in
Being myself in whatever brings me comfort in my skin
My pronouns they may vary
From neutral to more feminine or masculine
Purely nonbinary and simply me
just being myself
Cassian Feb 24
Since when did explaining my disorders

Come as easily to me as discussing sexuality?

When did the other names and genders become a

Part of my everyday identity when my friends see me?

When did I get so comfortable with the unknown?

The unusual? The unspoken? Am I considered broken?

Since when did the smile on my face stop being fake?

I love you... Love you... My heart is yours to break

You made me this way. So comfortable and confident

At last. I do not lump myself in with fake people or feel

Like I am losing my mind dissociating in class...

Thank you for holding me and taking my hand

For being my mate, my lover, my man :>

- Cas
Cassian Mar 26
Sink or swim?

You never know

So it is best

To take it slow

Go take a break

Go get some rest

It's a piece of cake

You should just blink

Dont jump in on a whim

Will we sink or swim?
Cassian Feb 20
I am tired of being tired

When my brain refuses to sleep

So many different voices

All fighting for a chance to speak

They have needs and desires

Words that must be heard

But the fact I haven't slept in months

Is absolutely absurd

Close your eyes and shut your mouth

Give me silence just this once

I want to sleep

I need to sleep

But if I close my eyes

...The devil may claim my soul to keep...
Cassian Dec 2024
A sunny day

That's what they see.

A smiling face

As they stare back at me

Children are meant to be seen

But not heard

So then why do I yearn

To simply let loose

And scream

Smoke and mirrors are all

That they really see
Cassian Feb 28
I sold my soul when I was twelve,  
Whispering wishes to the stars above,  
Asking for love and wealth untold,  
A dream too heavy for a heart so bold.  

At fourteen, I worked beneath the sun,  
Chasing the promises I thought I’d won,  
Each dollar earned, each task I’d do,  
Building a life I never knew.  

But now, at almost seventeen,  
I see the truth where once was green—  
It wasn’t riches that filled the void,  
But the love I found, the heart I enjoyed.  

So here I stand, both lost and found,  
A life that swirls in endless sound,  
For in your eyes, I finally see,  
The love I sought was meant to be.
Cassian Oct 2024
Sometimes I find myself ahead
Others I fall behind

Sometimes I love to read
Others I rest my eyes

Sometimes I watch anime
Others I'm on Disney+

Sometimes I watch old movies
Others I watch Owl House

Sometimes I want to be an adult
Others I find I'm still a kid

Sometimes I rush to grow up
Others I want to be Peter Pan

Sometimes the world spins too fast
Others it feels too slow

Sometimes I keep a schedule
Others I go with the flow
Cassian Dec 2024
Sometimes I wonder if I'm out of my mind

So many different people seem to be inside

So many different preferences refuse to hide

Sometimes I wonder if I'm out of my mind

I only have one person in which I can confide

A disorder or a sickness? I couldn't guess if I tried

Sometimes I wonder if I'm out of my mind
Cassian Feb 21
"Sometimes you acted like a completely different person."
...Yeah, no ****, Sherlock. Have any other observations?  

"I feel like I don't know you anymore."
...I don't believe we've ever met.  

You’re searching for someone solid,  
one face, one voice, one story.  
But we are shifting constellations,  
flickering in and out of view.  

You want an answer that stays the same,  
a version of me that never wavers.  
But I am echoes and footsteps,  
names that don’t always belong to me.  

So tell me,  
who is it you think you knew?  
And which of us do you want me to be?
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